Culture

Amanda Marcotte’s problem with purity

In response to my July 20 article on birth control, I got a little guff for referring to abstinence opponents as “libertines,” a term which denotes unrestrained indulgence of sensual pleasures.

As if on cue, the reliably radical Amanda Marcotte, writing at the equally extreme RH Reality Check, proved my point on Tuesday with a piece not merely arguing against the effectiveness of purity balls and pledges, but condemning the very messages they send to young girls about sex (language warning):

I do worry that Breslaw’s post might result in people taking this to mean that we shouldn’t worry generally about the Christian right’s obsession with making sure women’s vaginas are always in possession of a man, be it husband or father, and never owned by women themselves. (After all, they don’t trust us with the immense responsibility that comes with owning a vagina. Women known to believe their vagina belongs to them also do things like believe they have a right to have sex on their own terms and even—gasp!—decline the chance to risk a baby every time we have sex. And, distressingly, some women even use vaginas to have sex with other women.)

You know we’re in for a wild ride when insanity like this is the opening act. As should be too obvious to need mentioning, the “Christian right” isn’t interested in “possession” of anyone’s reproductive organs – merely preventing the killing of the children created by their use. And Marcotte speaks as if conservatives place all the responsibility with girls and leave boys to their own desires. It’s apparently lost on her that, under the conservative sexual ethos, a guy has to earn a girl’s trust and prove his commitment to her before he gets any action.

Marcotte goes on to mock “purity balls” (dances where girls promise their fathers they’ll remain abstinent until marriage, a practice she admits is rare) and complain that purity rings (signaling a commitment to abstinence) are popular enough that even “supposedly classy” jewelers beyond the “Christian kitsch market” are selling them:

[T]here’s serious moral problems with pressuring young people who haven’t matured to the point where they really want sex yet to promise not to have it. It’s exploitative to extract promises from people who don’t have full information yet, and young teens and pre-teens really don’t have any idea of what they’re going to feel about sex when they actually have a chance to start dating. For most young people, taking a purity pledge just means going through unnecessary guilt and drama when they go ahead and have sex anyway.

Let me get this straight: we shouldn’t try to instill in kids the value of abstinence because they’re too young to fully understand sex? Really? Even taking into account that pro-choicers see the world differently from how we see it, it’s distressing to think things are so far gone that the backwardness of that logic needs to be explained.

The whole point of education is imparting vital knowledge and healthy habits to the young because they lack the life experience and mental development necessary to make responsible decisions – especially when it comes to instincts and temptations that weigh against their best long-term interests. We don’t think twice about taking sides when it comes to anything else – drugs, careers, driving, study habits, etc. – so what makes sex so different in the left’s eyes?

From a public health perspective, these pledges are a nightmare, because young people who take them approach sex from a shame-and-guilt perspective instead of from a pleasure-and-education perspective. A famous federal study in 2008 demonstrated that the pledges didn’t do anything to prevent young people from having sex, which is no surprise considering the manipulative tactics used to extract the pledges.

For what it’s worth, the Heritage Foundation’s 2008 assessment of 21 abstinence education studies found positive results for five out of six virginity pledge studies. Even so, I’m not particularly attached to pledges alone; truly effective sex education needs to include discussion of sex’s potential consequences, the limitations of birth control, and individuals’ ability to choose the safest path. To see the true effectiveness of such education, click here, here, here, here, here, here, or here.

Unfortunately, the pledgers were less likely to use protection when they did have sex, which is also unsurprising since they were given no resources to do so, and just told instead to just say no.

One can’t help but wonder what Marcotte means by “resources” – condom distribution? Instruction on use and procurement of birth control? But it means everything in determining whether this complaint is valid. If such programs were actually deceiving students about contraception, that would be one thing. But if a teen is told about the effectiveness rates of various birth control measures, understands the risks of sex, and still takes his or her chances, then who’s really at fault?

The heart of Marcotte’s mania can be found at the very end:

Even if it doesn’t convince people that all non-marital sex is wrong, it helps prop up the myth that there’s such thing as “too much” sex, and that it’s legitimate to judge a person’s moral worth by how much they like or have sex.

There you have it: in Amanda Marcotte’s world, the very possibility of too much sex is a “myth,” and those of us who buy into it are accused of judging people’s moral worth by their sexual habits (and this from someone who has no problem judging moral worth by such meaningless criteria as physical appearance). If that’s not deserving of the libertine label, then words have no meaning.

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  • Dolce

    What I don’t understand is how people can think Christians (in general) think that there is such a thing as “too much sex”, when most of the Christian families on TV and in the news have tonnes of kids – if that’s not proof of having tonnes of sex then I don’t know what is. Ugh.

    Also, how exactly does having sex at the beck and call of every man in my life mean that my vagina is in my possession? Double ugh.

  • peach

    Why the language warning Calvin? I didn’t see any swear words. Don’t like the word vagina?

    • http://twitter.com/CalFreiburger Calvin Freiburger

      A pretty standard practice among non-Marcotte writers is erring on the side of caution with explicit sexual terminology. Not that I’d expect a radical obsessed with pretending this is a “sexism” issue to take such considerations seriously…

      • http://twitter.com/Astraspider Astraspider

        It’s hard to take seriously people who object to clinically accurate terms for a women’s reproductive system. Should we regress to “lady bits”?

        • Kay

          I’m for “down there”.

      • peach

        Vagina is explicit? I didn’t say anything about sexism before…I thought you were just a prude. But now you sound like a sexist.

        • http://twitter.com/CalFreiburger Calvin Freiburger

          “But now you sound like a sexist.”

          And you sound like a character assassin. Thanks for removing all doubt.

          • peach

            You’d have to have character for me to assassinate it.

      • http://twitter.com/MarauderTheSN Marauder

        I don’t know, Calvin – I think for a website about abortion and the pro-life movement, “vagina” is a pretty expected word. It’s not like she used crude slang terms for it or anything.

        • Kristiburtonbrown

          Obviously there’s nothing wrong with the words that Marcotte used in that section. The point is that a lot of writers do at least let their readers know that it’s not a “G” rated article – you know, maybe something they’d want to read first before showing it to their kids. Warning your readers doesn’t mean you think there’s anything wrong with the content that follows.

          • http://twitter.com/MarauderTheSN Marauder

            Okay, but this is a website about ending abortion, and abortion in and of itself isn’t G-rated. This whole website is non-G-rated. I just don’t get what about this article makes it worthy of a language warning when you take it in the context of this whole website.

          • http://twitter.com/CalFreiburger Calvin Freiburger

            Thanks, Kristi. Glad to know SOMEBODY got it. I don’t particularly care about the word vagina, but when a particular block quote reads like the author was trying to cram in as many references to sex organs as she could, it just gave off this crude, sophomoric vibe that I figured I’d air on the side of caution with.

            There. Is everyone happy now?

    • Detroiter327

      Im going to place a bet on the lesbian reference. Children really shouldn’t be reading about lesbians you know, very offensive stuff.

      • http://twitter.com/CalFreiburger Calvin Freiburger

        I like how you’re not even trying to fake objectivity or good faith anymore.

        • guest

          how can you claim any sort of objectivity when you clearly are pushing your own world view so hard? Seriously, you are not an academic, you’re a hack. Keep writing opinion pieces ripe with fallacy on the internet because you will never get published as a legitimate academic.

          • http://twitter.com/CalFreiburger Calvin Freiburger

            Now there’s a substantive refutation if I ever saw one! I bow to your brilliance and rigor, sir.

        • Detroiter327

          No I’m honestly very curious about what specifically was offensive. Again I’m going with the lesbian reference but if any other trolls want to take a bet Id be down. We’re all just genuinely wondering.

          • http://twitter.com/CalFreiburger Calvin Freiburger

            There’s nothing genuine about it, Detroiter. Let’s not pretend otherwise.

  • http://twitter.com/Astraspider Astraspider

    I guess there are people who may be having “too much” sex. I might have even known a couple of them in my 20s. But even if we agree to label those people “libertines”, it’s a tough sell to say those people represent politically active advocates for comprehensive sex ed, greater access to contraception, or any of the other policy positions you might find objectionable. I stand by my original contention that you misjudge who your opposition is, Calvin, when you try to paint us with a “libertine” brush.

    • http://twitter.com/CalFreiburger Calvin Freiburger

      We must be reading about completely different advocates and materials, then.

      • http://twitter.com/Astraspider Astraspider

        Well, take Ms. Marcotte, for instance. She may have defended people who have lots of sex, but why does it follow that she herself has lots of sex (or is a “libertine”)? Are you a “libertine” merely for defending the right to have lots of sex? By your standard (“normal usage”) that would be a no.

        • http://twitter.com/CalFreiburger Calvin Freiburger

          Calling “there’s such thing as ‘too much’ sex” a myth speaks for itself. The way she puts so much effort and hyperbole into stigmatizing pro-abstinence sympathies speaks for itself.

          And “defending the right to have lots of sex”? Y’know, Astraspider, my patience with these nonstop straw-men is wearing thin. Nobody is disputing THE RIGHT TO have sex. And you know it. So where is your need to suggest otherwise coming from?

          • http://twitter.com/Astraspider Astraspider

            I’m just trying to nail down whether you consider Ms. Marcotte (or me, for that matter) “libertines” because we advocate for comprehensive sex ed and would criticize abstinence where appropriate. I won’t speak for Ms. Marcotte, but I barely have enough sex to be considered sexually active, let alone licentious or “libertine”.

            I know. TMI. But it’s really not a straw man to ask you what your definition of that word is when you lead your piece off with a reference to the pushback you got for using that word. Again, by your standard (“normal usage”), you’re way off base.

  • davenisbet87

    “decline the chance to risk a baby every time we have sex” Eh, that’s what sex is for…

    • Sarah Reinstein

      Wow, really? So what about married couples who can’t have children? Guess they shouldn’t be having sex. Same-sex couples? Anyone else who recognizes that sex is complex and is performed for a variety of reasons other than procreation?

      • davenisbet87

        Someday I hope someone will explain how that massive jump is made to assume I condemn anyone who’s infertile.

  • http://www.tumblr.com/blog/atheist-thoughts atheist

    Let me get this straight: we shouldn’t try to instill in kids the value of abstinence because they’re too young to fully understand sex? Really?

    Yes, really! It is abusive for parents to make children promise to make choices they have absolutely no understanding of. The children’s identities become wedded to illogical, perverse and torturous religious beliefs that will only cause them suffering. In a sense, it is a form of child abuse.

    • http://twitter.com/CalFreiburger Calvin Freiburger

      Well, if we were advocating wedding children to “illogical, perverse and torturous religious beliefs that will only cause them suffering,” then you might have had a point.

      • http://www.tumblr.com/blog/atheist-thoughts atheist

        My point is that the value of sexual abstinence is such a belief. It divides the child’s moral sense against their sexual feelings, and creates hypocrisy & suffering.

        • http://twitter.com/CalFreiburger Calvin Freiburger

          With all due respect, that’s insane. Telling children to take consequences into account and that sex is a bad idea under certain circumstances doesn’t say that the feelings themselves are anything to be ashamed of, any more than teaching good dietary habits doesn’t condition children to be ashamed of hunger.

        • Ael

          I agree with Calvin. I don’t know who you’ve been talking to, but every person who’s ever talked with me about purity has not called out in a loud, ominous voice, “Sex is evil! Lose your virginity and you lose your worth!” The best way I’ve heard it put is that sex shouldn’t be our god or aim in life/the measure of our worth. However, it is not a disgusting thing to be shunned (although it can be misused). All in all, it’s a good, fun gift that is safest shared in marriage. I find it hard to believe that sharing that simple message will cause deep-rooted shame in a child who knows that they want to be married and have sex one day.

          PS—I’m a teen and know that I definitely don’t want to
          stay a virgin forever, but I am saving sex for when I’ve got a ring on
          my left hand and a (super-cool) husband. And don’t worry—I haven’t been pressured by
          overbearing parents into promising this. I decided for myself based on information about birth control as well as more moral reasons (and either is a good enough case for me to decide to save sex for when I’m married).

          • Elizabeth

            Exactly. I HAVE a purity ring, it was my own choice, and my dad does not own my virginity. I honestly don’t have a problem when people don’t want to be abstinent or anything, but it really does bother me when people act like I’m horribly oppressed by men because I won’t sleep with one until I’m married…

  • Stoneybrooke

    I’m afraid I’ll never consider sexual activity involving only consenting adults to be “libertine”.

    • http://twitter.com/CalFreiburger Calvin Freiburger

      Thanks for the non-sequitur.

      • Stoneybrooke

        Actually, it was a direct response to your final sentence.

        • http://twitter.com/CalFreiburger Calvin Freiburger

          Than shouldn’t it have…y’know…responded? With some sort of comprehensible relation to something I actually said?

          • Stoneybrooke

            I thought it was pretty clear, but okay: you say that someone who has lots of sex is a “libertine”. I’m saying that I don’t think it’s immoral for someone to have all the sex they want as long as it involves only consenting adults. I’d consider someone who involves either unwilling partners or those who are unable to consent (e.g. minors, intoxicated people) to be “libertines”.

  • Guest

    Just out of curiosity, is Amanda Marcotte aware of your obsession with her?

    • http://www.tumblr.com/blog/atheist-thoughts atheist

      I think so. On Twitter, she was ironically thanking him for calling her a “libertine”.

  • http://twitter.com/DonnaDiva Donna Gratehouse

    Thanks for making it clear it’s really all about sex for you, Calvin.

    • http://twitter.com/CalFreiburger Calvin Freiburger

      I gather you think you just nailed me on something, but you’ll have to be a little clearer.

  • http://twitter.com/MarauderTheSN Marauder

    I disagree with Amanda Marcotte that abstinence advocates think women’s bodies should be “owned by men”, but I do think there’s a difference between advocating abstinence and advocating “purity,” and the term “purity” in this sense is problematic. It’s determining somebody’s moral worth on whether they’ve had sex outside of marriage or not, and I think it has the potential to lead to a lot of judgment. If you tell a lie or are mean to someone, you’re a sinner and everyone is a sinner. If you have sex, now you’re no longer “pure” and you’re seen as a different category of person.

  • Tulip

    Thanks for writing, Calvin! Hang in there amidst all this flack!

  • Sweet Marmot

    Amanda Marcotte lives in her own little fantasy world. She thinks Christians are obsessed with making sure that womens’ vaginas are always owned by some man (ie: father or husband, etc.).
    This is a total pile of manure. If it were true, older, single women wouldn’t be welcome in church, since there is no man to “own their vaginas.” But in every church in this country, older, single, adult orphan women are welcomed. Same is true of widows. Most churches also welcome divorced women too. This would not be so if Amanda’s fantasy was true.

  • Rebecca Downs

    It frightens me that there are still radicals out there who still think this of the Christian right and of those who are against sex until marriage. Here is someone truly lost in her own world view… people complain that Christians are the intolerant ones, and Christians can be intolerant, just as anyone can be, but here she is making non-sensical arguments against purity and purity rings. Her being against purity rings really makes no sense and bothers me. I have a friend who has a purity ring. She isn’t hurting anyone and she gave a jeweler business for it. What is the problem with that?

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