Culture

An important pro-life balance: hate abortion; love people

Civil conversation and care for others is key - yet we should never back down from speaking the truth. Photo credit: felipe.cabrera on Flickr.

Today, I expected to have a peaceful day at the Gardens I was visiting with my daughter, husband, and mom. And it was peaceful – mostly, that is. I called my husband to let him know we had arrived, and he informed me that people from Planned Parenthood were standing close to the entrance. They had asked him if he supported Planned Parenthood, and he replied, “Yes. I support shutting them down.” Personally, I really like that answer. It’s creative and opens doors to share the truth we know with people in the abortion industry.

While my husband is a non-confrontational, kind person, he is never afraid to stand up for what he believes in. This is one of the many reasons I admire him so much. I wish all pro-lifers could have his balance.

When I arrived, he was still talking to the people from Planned Parenthood – one guy and one girl were there. My husband had just asked the guy if he would like to know the reasons why my husband does not support Planned Parenthood. The guy replied, “No, I don’t think I have the time for that.” (I would have probably said, “That’s probably right. The list is way too long.”)

The guy from Planned Parenthood had been quite confrontational and rude, but he did not care for my husband to express his opinion. While my husband stood waiting for me, the guy asked him to “stop staring at them” and informed him that he couldn’t tell whether or not he was blinking since my husband was wearing sunglasses. (Yes, he really said that.) He also accused my husband of being angry and hating them, although he was the one who had told my husband he didn’t want to talk to him.

In my opinion – whether you’re pro-life or pro-choice – you invite conversations when you stand in public places collecting signatures or campaigning for support. You should never be rude to those who attempt to engage you in civil conversation (as my husband did), even if you disagree.

At one point, my husband and I had to return to our car to get a diaper for our little girl. As we passed the Planned Parenthood workers who were still trying to talk to people and get support, my husband told the girl that he did not support Planned Parenthood and kept walking.

When we passed these two again on our way back into the Gardens, the guy approached my husband once more, standing very close to him. He accused my husband of cursing out the girl who was with him. Since I was right there, I know for a fact that my husband did not do this. (In fact, I’ve never heard him curse once in the over four years I’ve known him.) He had simply stated that he did not support Planned Parenthood. Someone was either lying or needed his ears checked! As the conversation continued, my husband said, “I do not dislike you. I dislike the organization you work for.”

This is a principle that many of us in the pro-life world could stand to learn: as much as we dislike Planned Parenthood and abortion, let us not dislike the people in the abortion industry. Had we been raised differently, not experienced a conversion, or a multitude of other things, we could be them. As hard as that is to admit, we could just as easily fall into wrong actions as anyone else.

Since I am a Christian, I thank God that I’ve seen the light and that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that abortion is wrong. Yet, instead of hating those who disagree with me – or even attack and argue with me – I ought to approach them with an attitude of care, concern, and prayer. I want to learn the balance my husband has. I want to always hate abortion and dislike Planned Parenthood, but I want to love people.

Love does not mean failing to expose wrong. Love does not mean accepting abortion. Love does not mean standing on the sidelines. In fact, love means the opposite of all that. Pro-lifers should never use “love” as an excuse to be silent; rather, we should use it as a reason to reach out to everyone around us in a caring way.

How have you learned to love people while still hating abortion and speaking the truth about Planned Parenthood? Share your lessons and experiences below! If you’re pro-choice, what have pro-lifers said to you that has made you want to listen?

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  • MoonChild02

    I’m a performer (singer/musician/actress/dancer), so, of course, most of my friends are adamant supporters of Planned Parenthood and pro-abortion-choice, as are a few of my family members. Sometimes discussions get heated, but, other times, not so much. I have to remind them that I love and respect them, and respect their opinion, however I disagree with that opinion. I’ve had to learn to put up with being yelled at by many of them for my views, but I try not to yell back. It’s such an emotional topic that makes them angry and me sad.

    I have tried to stay away from the topic, but often times it just comes up. There are some topics I stay away from all together because of my faith and the emotional impact of the subjects, so I just walk away when they come up. If I wasn’t so passionate about the subject of being pro-life, I would stay away from that, too.

    Since I love my family and friends, I have had to realize that everyone is someone’s family member and friend, that they’re people, and deserve the same respect. More than that, we’re all God’s children, and, as such, everyone deserves respect, because He loves us all. Since we are all mad in God’s image, and He is in everyone, we have to love one another to show God how much we love Him. He says, “Amen, I say to you, whatever
    you did for one of these least brothers of mine, you did for Me…what you did not do for one of these least ones, you did not do for Me.” (Matthew 25:40,45) Therefore, we must learn to love one another, despite our differences. Jesus even broke bread with the tax collectors, considered the lowest of the low. In those days, breaking bread with someone meant accepting that person as family. So, as St. Augustine said, we have to act, “With love for mankind and hatred of sins.” (more often said, “Love the sinner and hate the sin.”)

    • pogo_possum

      It is certainly true that God loves all people. And as Christians, so should we. As you said in your last paragraph, “Love the sinner and hate the sin.”

      However, you said, “we’re all God’s children,” and later, “Since we are all made in God’s image, and He is in everyone…” Neither of these statements is biblical. We are all made in God’s image, but we are not part of God’s family until we have been born again. At the moment of salvation the Holy Spirit of God comes to live in the heart of the one born again, simultaneously making him a member of God’s family. Until that time those who are lost are neither God’s children, nor is He “in” them.
      I can support those comments from Scripture; but I don’t have my Bible at hand right now, and I cannot give you the proper references from memory.

      Keep going for the Lord.

      • MoonChild02

        Ephesians 4:6, “One God and Father of all, Who is over all and through all and in all.”

        God is the Father of All Humanity, General Audience, October 16, 1985: http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/john_paul_ii/audiences/alpha/data/aud19851016en.html

        Also, God is omnipresent. In other words, He is in everyone and everything. His presence is just not equal in all. He’s not in an unbeliever the way He is in a believer, and He is not in other animals they way He is in humans.
        In Acts 17:26-28, St. Paul speaks to the pagan Athenians, “He made from one
        the whole human race to dwell on the entire surface of the earth, and
        He fixed the ordered seasons and the boundaries of their regions, so that people might seek God, even perhaps grope for Him and find Him, though indeed He is not far from any one of us.
        For ‘In Him we live and move and have our being,’ as even some of your poets have said, ‘For we too are His offspring.’”

        Catholic Encyclopedia: The Natures and Attributes of God – IIB Immensity and ubiquity, or omnipresence: http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/06612a.htm#IIBSumma Theologica, Prima Pars, Question 8, The Existence of God in Things: http://www.newadvent.org/summa/1008.htm

        • pogo_possum

          Since your mind is made up, I will not pursue the issue. But I would caution against using the opinions of men rather than what the Bible actually says. The Bible is the final authority–not church dogma.

  • Oldmanbob

    “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.”  Jesus in Luke 6: 27b-28.

    Try it it really works.  People will change (you might not get to see the change) or in one case they died.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001243358776 Elizabeth Longo

    I would never support abortion or Planned parenthood. . Its just a way of taking government money and bottom line its our money to begin with to kill babies. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=820882866 Stephen Ippolito

    well one time I went to a student meeting called “Pro Choice at the Pulpit” and I got into a heated debate with several of the speakers and one of them was really upset though I’m still not sure why. Anyway, I met a girl downtown who was 18 and left by her family and boyfriend because she got pregnant with twins. She was living in a homeless shelter (her college boy friend got her pregnant she said she couldn’t come home pregnant). Myself and some friend threw her a baby shower, and opened it up to the to the local Churches. Well the person from PP found out about it and came. She said thank you to me which was nice. Very surprising as I recall her bringing me up in the parking lot after the meeting.

    • Shannah

      People are pro-choice do not NOT support people who have their babies and who take the hard route and raise them alone. We just believe women should have a choice. Thank you for seeing the other side and not demonizing those who have different beliefs that you. No one is pro-abortion and everyone wants a few abortions to occur as possible. 

      • http://twitter.com/CalFreiburger Calvin Freiburger

        “No one” is pro-abortion? “Everyone” wants as few abortions as possible?

        Where have you been the past couple decades?

      • Rebecca Downs

        Yes, the other side can be seen and humanized and it doesn’t help anyone to demonize the other’s side. Speaking the truth (however unpleasant it may be) is not the other side… You may feel this way, but Planned Parenthood certainly doesn’t. Even if they say they offer you options, their version of “options” is to really sell you abortion, because that’s where they make their money! They don’t care about your choice unless you are giving them money to abort your child. So I would beg to differ that everyone wants as few abortions as possible to occur. As a whole, general words like everyone are bad words… also, the mantra of abortion being legal, rare and safe is only 1/3 correct.

        And I’m sorry, but again, no one is a bad, general word. If you are against abortion, because you see it as murder, and your recognize that murder, especially of someone who is so innocent and has so much potential as the unborn, then you can not stand by someone’s “choice” to commit murder. Therefore, you are for a woman’s right to choose this murder that is abortion, and if you are not against it and do not stand up for being against it, you are for it and pro-murder. Plus, pro-choicers fail to allow the unborn child to have any choice in the matter, and they oftentimes (notice how I am saying oftentimes, not always) fail to allow the father who also created the child, in having any choice either. So pro-choice is not only hiding behind something, it is also narrow minded. I also really applaud MoonChild02′s post where she mentioned the unchoice.org site…

        • Shannah

          I have gone to PP with multiple friends who have considered abortion. The clinics do NOT in any way push abortion on you. Have you been to a PP? Can you really speak about what they do or are you assuming for someone else’s story. They are corrupt people in every organization, including PP and the Catholic Church, the government and at the bank. You can NOT generalize or make assumptions unless you have experienced it yourself. 

          • Kristiburtonbrown

            Well, while not all PP clinics would actually push abortion on women (with coercion), they also usually – if not always – fail to help pregnant women who don’t want abortion.  They claim they’re all for women, but then they often leave pregnant women who want to keep their babies to fend for themselves.  Someone very close to me found this out when she chose to keep her baby, despite her circumstances.  Let’s just say that PP was definitely not there for her.  She didn’t want an abortion, so they couldn’t help.  That’s pro-abortion, not pro-woman.

  • http://www.facebook.com/mitzi.turpin Mitzi McGuire Turpin

    I always try to see pro-abortion people as victims of the deception of Satan, and realize that but for the Grace of God I would believe as they do.  I never, ever name-call or curse those who are pro-abortion, even though they frequently subject me to that treatment (I am a participant in 40 Days for Life).
    Instead of using Facebook just for trivial things, I’ve found it provides a great forum for putting forth a reasoned plea as to the reasons for being pro-life.  I gently and respectfully “shoot down” their pro-abortion ideas, and once in a while a heart is changed.

    • Shannah

      I do not believe anyone is pro-abortion. They are pro-choice. A choice that by law is theirs to have. No one runs around encouraging people to have more abortions, that would be pro-abortion. You use this silly rhetoric to try to make pro-choice advocates seem devilish and that is wrong. Everyone believe as few abortions should happen as possible but because we have abstinence-only education occurring in our schools, as well as the lack of access to contraceptives and not enough support and understanding from ultra-conservative families, people will have abortions. In order to ensure as few abortions happen as possible, (and the # of abortions is declining every year), we must change the way people talk about sex. You cannot not provide proper education and contraceptives to people and not expect unwanted pregnancies to happen. People have sex and we do not live in a world where people only have sex with the hope of welcoming a baby into the world. No one is pro-abortion and by using that terminology, you are only segregating the sides of this discussion even more. Both sides need to come together and find a way to help those who are seeking abortions without making labeling them and in order to really help decrease the number of abortions had, we must decrease the number of unwanted pregnancies and provide people with the means necessary to have sex without getting pregnant. Come together and use phrases and rhetoric that in inclusive. 

      • http://twitter.com/CalFreiburger Calvin Freiburger

        But I do want to segregate the sides. Clearly defining who respects the right to life and who believes children should be killable for convenience makes the debate honest and more productive.

        • Guest

          Yeah, that was really productive. 

        • Shannah

          I am just suggesting that people try to refrain from calling all pro-life supporters, pro-abortion because that is not the case and only pushes supporters from either side further apart and stops the conversation from being had and stops people from understanding each other. It doesn’t get the point across and it only hurts pro-life supporters case. 

          • http://twitter.com/CalFreiburger Calvin Freiburger

            Clarity — including clarity about what is honorable and what is shameful — is always better for getting points across than neutered rhetoric and common ground for its own sake.

      • MoonChild02

        Note that I say this out of compassion, and not anger or hate. I know I come off that way sometimes, but for the record, that’s not how I mean anything. Also, sorry this is so long, as there’s a lot to be said.

        No one is pro-abortion?
        http://www.lifenews.com/2012/03/14/pro-choice-activist-i-love-abortion-dont-want-it-rare/
        http://impersonated.blogspot.com/2008/06/dear-conservatives-i-pro-abortion-and.html
        http://herauthority.blogspot.com/2010/01/yes-i-am-pro-abortion.html
        http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/2012/03/nostalgia_for_s.php
        (see comments 34 and 44)
        http://abortiongang.org/2010/11/a-5-step-program-for-making-me-anti-abortion/
        (bottom of the second paragraph)
        http://www.rhrealitycheck.org/reader-diaries/2010/06/18/term-proabortion
        http://www.rhrealitycheck.org/article/2012/03/14/choice-words-about-abortion-0

        Also, if everyone who claims to be pro-choice were really “pro-choice”, they would stop demonizing and trying to outlaw pregnancy care centers which help women keep their children. They would actually help women make a real decision, instead of emphasizing that having a baby is a large responsibility, and telling them that a baby could end their education, career, and love life – women aren’t stupid, there are childcare services provided by community centers, religious organizations, and pregnancy care centers; and if a man doesn’t want to be with a woman with a child, then he’s not a real man, and he doesn’t deserve her. They would provide women with the resources they need to keep the child and help them in the tough situations they face, instead of making abortion look like an easy way out, and childbirth look like the worst thing in the world.

        They would stop abusing and discrediting women who regret their abortions. They would stop demonizing organizations like Silent No More Awareness, Rachel’s Hope, Ramah International, and the Elliot Institute, who are all there to help women. They would stop fighting against those who are trying to stop forced abortions. They would speak out against the one-child policy.

        They wouldn’t lie about the fact that abortion stops a beating heart, and ends a life, or refer to the baby as a “clump of cells”, since, if they studied biology and child development, they would know all of the “pro-choice” euphemisms are completely false. Case in point, when a friend of mine took a class on child development, she realized that the baby she aborted was not a clump of cells, which completely devastated her.

        They wouldn’t fight against ultrasound laws, because those are necessary to the safety of the woman, so that the abortionist can actually see what he’s doing; such laws also allow women the chance to see the ultrasound if they choose to do so – they don’t force women to see them. They also would not be against clinic inspections to make sure that the clinics are being run properly. Every other medical facility in the U.S. is inspected on a regular basis. They wouldn’t be against regulations requiring things such as doorways and hallways wide enough for emergency stretchers, working emergency equipment, abortionists to be assisted by a nurse, licensed doctors to perform the procedure, and abortionists informing women of the risks of the procedure – just as is required in every other medical clinic and with every other medical procedure.

        Also, many do support people having more abortions. There was huge backlash when Victoria and David Beckham had their fourth child. People vilify large families like the Duggars, the Bates, etc. The “science czar”, John Holdren, wants to implement the one-child policy here in the US, through forcing abortion. Warren Buffett has said that he wants people to limit families to two children (while he has five), and funds abortion. The Gates family supports population control through abortion and the one-child policy. The UNFPA supports China’s one-child policy, and thinks we should all adopt it.

        Furthermore, if you think forced abortion doesn’t happen, please think again:
        http://www.theunchoice.org/
        http://www.stopforcedabortions.org/

        Also, according to the Guttmacher Institute, 54% of women who have abortions were using some form of contraception. In other words, contraception gives a false sense of security to people who use it, and actually causes abortions. Yes, it prevents many, but most abortions happen because women and men were risky. They need to learn Natural Family Planning. Women need to learn their cycles, and when to not have sex. It’s called responsibility.

        Actions have effects. The effects of sex are pregnancy and STDs. The biological reason for sex is procreation. Therefore, people need to take into consideration what the effects of their choosing to have sex will be. Therefore, in choosing to have sex, the woman (and her partner) chose to chance becoming pregnant. Being an adult means taking responsibility for our actions, and the effects that our actions may have on others. In having sex, and creating a new life, one takes on the responsibility of caring for that new life. If one doesn’t want to take responsibility, then one shouldn’t engage in adult activities.

        • Shannah

          I have taken the time to understand your point of view to the best of my ability. They are always going to be people who are extremists but at the end of the day, most people fall in the middle Using the phrase “pro-abortion” to describe all pro-choice people is wrong and doesn’t help get your point across. I was raised Catholic and believe that using your silly rhetoric to get your point across only works to push people like me further away from the church and further away from pro-life causes. I believe if more people were understanding of both sides, people would be able to come together more often but I refuse to associate with a group who uses the phrase “pro-abortion” to describe people who don’t 100% support their cause. It stops me from donating to my church and instead I give money to different causes and are not as exclusive. Let’s find a way to come together, use rhetoric and phrases that both sides can relate to. The average pro-choice person, like myself is NOT pro-abortion. I understand the point you are getting across but you are trying to push your more extreme beliefs on the average person and it won’t work. 

          Taking responsibility for your adult activies and actions, means being able to support the family you have. More often than not, people who choose to have large families, whether intentionally or not, cannot afford them and then turn to the government for aid. It is no wonder the government would prefer people to have fewer babies, especially if it means you can’t support them. People who buy too expensive of a home and then file for bankruptcy and ask the government for a bailout are doing the same thing. That is the reason the government has now implement laws to prevent this and banks have stricter rules for those taking out loans. If you can’t afford it and support it, don’t have it, whether that is a home or more children. 

          There was no HUGE backlash against the Beckhams or even the Jolie-Pitts for that matter. If you can afford it, do it. The backlash would be that the less-educated middle-American people, follow pop culture and unfortunately, think they can do whatever celebrities are doing. Undereducated, poor people should not have too many babies if it means they cannot afford them. 

          You are trying to push your religious beliefs on sex on everyone. Not everyone is told by their church that pre-material sex is wrong. I believe people should take responsibility for their actions and understand that having sex can result in a baby. The problem here arises because adolescents are not properly taught that contraceptives don’t always work or about their cycles. They are only taught to practice abstinence only in many schools and their lack of knowledge on the subject only hurts them more later in life. I do not believe children, teenagers should be having sex but I think they should know more about sex, pregnancy, contraceptives, etc. It is better to know than not to know. 

  • Shannah

    I do not believe this conversation was had. I volunteer for PP and no PP employee or volunteer would ever talk to a passer-by like that. You are delusional and frankly, a liar. 

    • Dat Nguyen

      You’re labeling people Shannah, something that you spoke out against at another post on here.  While you might not experience the situation yourself, that doesn’t mean every PP volunteer or employee is courteous to those who disagree with them.

    • Guest

      While I agree that we’re definitely only getting one side of the story here, I do believe it’s possible. People can be jerks no matter what their opinion on women’s rights. Of course, the jerks on the anti-abortion side seem to be more destructive overall (e.g. murdering doctors, bombing clinics or setting them on fire, etc.) but I wouldn’t say that everyone who’s anti-abortion supports that kind of thing. 

    • http://twitter.com/CalFreiburger Calvin Freiburger

      Don’t you need, y’know, evidence to accuse someone of intentional dishonesty? Geez, even I wouldn’t say “no pro-life protestor would ever misbehave.” Movements are large, large groups of individuals.

      • Anonyme

        Well yeah, it would be ridiculous to say that. I consider murder, bombing, arson, and vandalism “misbehaving”. I’m just saying. 

        In principle though, yeah, it’s also a bit much to assume she’s completely lying. 

        • http://twitter.com/CalFreiburger Calvin Freiburger

          Do you also acknowledge that that murder, bombing, arson, and vandalism are only practiced by a tiny sliver of pro-lifers – a sliver which is unambiguously condemned by the rest of the movement?

          • Anonyme

            Well, I said below that I don’t think all anti-abortion people do or support those tactics. Of course, I wouldn’t say it’s always “unambiguously condemned” by others, either. I’ve heard plenty of snide comments about certain actions. My point was that you acted as though it were far less likely for anti-abortion protesters to “misbehave” than pro-choice ones and that’s not true either.

            Like I said below, I certainly believe there are obnoxious jerks on both sides of this–and pretty much every–issue. I don’t think that it was right of her to state unequivocally that “no PP volunteer would do that. She’s lying.”

    • Rebecca Downs

      You can’t speak for every Planned Parenthood volunteer though. I don’t think Kristi is being a liar at all. Why would she lie about this? I think you’re over generalizing… 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=511760430 Yajaira Lopez

    Obeying the 10 commandments; choosing and learning to love God & myself in light of God’s Truth-Word makes it easy for me to truly love others just the same. So that I hate what God hates (sin) & love what & who God loves. A healthy (growing) & loving relationship with God will pave the way for healthy relationships with self & others; one which leaves no room for hate (unto others) nor sin. 

  • Jennine

    This is a great article.  If we do not speak the truth in love, no one will hear us.  We’ll be clanging cymbals.  

  • Sharon Rose

    Yes, well, your very own little darling, Calvin Frieburger, sure showed me from day one exactly how he “loves” others. He sure opened my eyes…

    I’d rather take up with the prochoicers than have anything to do with “prolifers” like him. 

    • Kristiburtonbrown

      Haha, my “very own little darling”?  Um…Calvin is my friend and fellow writer, but I think I’ll save “darling” for people in my family.  You might be taken a little more seriously, Sharon, if you didn’t exaggerate your words =)  I haven’t read everything Calvin’s every written, but he certainly does a good job of exposing the truth.  I’m not here to critique his or anyone else’s personal style.  I’m here to say that all of us should make sure we do not back down from the truth – ever – and that, as much as possible, we should speak in love as well.  

  • Ashley

    I have had several discussions with my friends about it. They all believe abortion is okay. I still love them all without a shadow of doubt. I’ve cried myself to sleep before because my friends have seen the same videos at school I have showing a baby’s development, but they still think women need the right to abortion.