All posts by Kristen Hatten

Kristen is a writer and comedian who makes people mad on the Internet. She is Vice President of New Wave Feminists and enjoys taxidermy, yachting, and 19th century French poetry. Stalk her relentlessly for fun and profit.

2015: The year of the pro-life woman

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I don’t know what you’re up to next week, but I’m going to Washington, D.C.

There’s this little thing you might have heard about happening next Saturday in Our Nation’s Capital called the March for Life. A few people are gonna stop by and rap with the rest of the country about a few things. (Yes, that was a Ghostbusters reference. You’re welcome.)

If you’re there, say hi. I shouldn’t be that hard to pick out of the crowd. I’ll be the one in the coat.

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Why ending gendercide is an essential pro-life goal

Recently Live Action reported the UK Parliament passed a bill confirming sex-selection abortion is illegal in the UK.

I posted this all up on Facebook. Because that’s what I do.

And it wasn’t too long before a couple of guys, one of whom is a good friend I respect immensely, started questioning whether or not this bill was a good thing.

His argument was, more or less, that the bill is illogical in that it declares abortion for one arbitrary reason wrong, while ignoring all the others. In other words, it’s not really logical to say,”It’s fine to kill your baby for all of these reasons, but not for that one. That one is wrong.”

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The sweetest comeback ever. Besides Twinkies.

I owe you – the readers and the staff of Live Action – an apology. I stopped writing for this blog abruptly and without explanation. It was unprofessional and unkind, and I have no excuse. I can only apologize, and hope you’ll have me back.

I decided, this time last year, to leave the pro-life movement. I had several reasons, but what it boiled down to was: pro-life activism wasn’t my calling; I wasn’t a joiner, a sign-holder, or a saint.

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Be countercultural: have babies

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A fabulous piece of writing from The Federalist recently hit home with me. “Fecundophobia: The Growing Fear of Children and Fertile Women” is more than the title of the article; it’s also the theme of the first 20-something years of my life.

I am here to tell you that fecundophobia is pervasive. I have witnessed and participated in it for most of my life.

Here’s the thing: I wanted kids from the time I was pretty young. But I wouldn’t admit it – certainly not to others, and almost not even to myself.

Having kids was synonymous with giving up, conforming, being dumb, not having any initiative, fleeing from an interesting life, becoming part of the problem, and not having anything better to do. None of my close female friends admitted to wanting kids. It was tacitly understood that if we ever got pregnant, it would be by accident, and we’d have to decide whether to have an abortion or not.

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Why you should come to the 2014 March for Life – and why you should start planning now

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This past January was the first time I attended the March for Life in Washington, D.C. Afterwards, I felt giddy for weeks. There is something about the energy of that many people coming together in defense of life that galvanizes you.

While we were all hoping there wouldn’t need to be another March, it’s looking like 2013 is not the year we end abortion. So we’re gonna march again on January 22, 2014. And nothing will make it better or more meaningful than having you – yes, you – show up.

So why am I writing this in October and not January? Because if you’re going to come (please come!) you need to start preparing yourself now.

Here are my tips and tricks for preparing for (and getting the most out of) your March for Life experience.

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4 more types of people Jerry Brown should let perform abortions in California

Jerry Brown, governor of California, recently signed a bill making it legal for nurse practitioners, physician assistants, and midwives to commit abortions.

This is clearly a fantastic idea, but it doesn’t go far enough toward ensuring abortion access for all women who feel like having one, at any time, anywhere.

So I humbly propose we also allow the following to give us ladies the abortions we so desperately need.

Veterinarians

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If I’ve learned anything from “The Walking Dead,” it’s that veterinarians can perform human surgeries. If crotchety old Hershel can dig six bullet fragments out of Carl’s abdomen and then isolate and suture a bleeding vessel in imaginary TV world, surely a young and hearty real-life veterinarian can remove one pesky fetus from a woman’s abdomen.

Oh and by the way, haters, vets already do abortions. On animals. And aren’t humans animals? That’s what I thought. Science wins again.

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Top 3 ridiculous statements in Sally Kohn’s “Abortion Access For All Our Daughters”

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It was hard to pick just three breathtakingly ridiculous statements in Sally Kohn’s article on the Daily Beast, “Abortion Access For All Our Daughters.” But I make the hard decisions so you don’t have to. Let’s do this.

1. “So much of the judgment and fear-mongering in our culture about abortion and contraception is an extension of the demonization of female sexuality.”

And we’re off!

True story: what would be far more accurate is the exact opposite of the above sentence, which is to say: abortion and contraception are a direct result of the demonization of female sexuality.

If we honored and embraced true female sexuality, we would honor and embrace its natural results, such as emotional attachment and pregnancy. We demonize female sexuality when we treat love and marriage like traps and fertility like a disease.

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Three things abortion advocates think are true – that totally aren’t

Not pictured: a person.
Not pictured: a person.

Sometimes people advocate for abortion knowing exactly what it is and what it does. Other times, you find out someone is pro-choice based on a lot of false assumptions. (I was.) Here are some of the most common:

1. “If an embryo is a human, so is a sperm or an egg.”

This is something I hear often. “Gee, I guess if abortion is wrong, so is masturbation, since it kills sperm.” Or from the ladies: “If abortion is wrong, I guess I should have a memorial service every time I get my period.”

Remarks like these cause what I call The Jon Stewart Effect in some people: it sounds true if you don’t think about it too hard, and it’s sort of funny. The combination – sounds true + sorta funny – makes people laugh and nod and agree, feeling smart and superior to all the silly pro-lifers assigning humanity to something no more a person than a sperm.

The problem is there is a major and essential difference between an embryo and a sperm or egg. A sperm or egg is a component of a human being. An embryo is a whole human being, from the moment if begins to exist.

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All the zombie photos on the Internet were too scary to post, so here is the author as a very nice zombie last Halloween.

On zombies and abortion: what our obsession with the undead means for the unborn

All the zombie photos on the Internet were too scary to post, so here is the author as a very nice zombie last Halloween.
All the zombie photos on the Internet were too scary to post, so here is the author as a very nice zombie last Halloween.

Zombies. They’re everywhere.

(Not literally. Calm down)

Seems to me like it started with 2007’s Dawn of the Dead remake. Everybody flipped out over it, and with good reason: it was a pretty cool movie. (Although there were “zombie purists” who were deeply offended by the idea of sprinting zombies. I, too, am offended by the idea, but only because, well, they’re sprinting zombies. That’s terrifying.)

Then all of a sudden zombies were everywhere. Shaun of the Dead played with the role of “the zed word” in pop culture and even made fighting the undead hilarious. So did Zombieland. Warm Bodies, more recently, dealt with the untapped issue of zombie-human love.

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This is a costume available now at Spirit Halloween Headquarters. If you come to my door on Halloween dressed as Twerk Suit Adult or Twerkin Teddy, do not expect candy.

Miley, Rihanna, and how “stripper glam” leads to abortion

This is a costume available now at Spirit Halloween Headquarters. If you come to my door on Halloween dressed as Twerk Suit Adult or Twerkin Teddy, do not expect candy.
This is a costume available now at Spirit Halloween Headquarters. If you come to my door on Halloween dressed as Twerk Suit Adult or Twerkin Teddy, do not expect candy.

Do you ever feel like the Universe/God/Whoever is trying to tell you something?

A couple days ago I saw Miley’s new photos. Apparently she didn’t kill Hannah Montana hard enough at the VMAs, so she let notoriously gross photographer/video artist Terry Richardson take photos of her topless and in various other compromised states.

Richardson has been accused of inappropriately touching his teenage models and exploiting underage girls. He’s the brains – or some other body part – behind Miley’s disgusting “Wrecking Ball” video, in which she rides a wrecking ball like a stripper pole in a bizarre attempt to prove she’s all grown up and has had it up to here with our rules.

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Tina Fey: The fauxminist I love to hate to love

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I love Tina Fey for so many reasons. She’s wicked smart. She’s crazy funny. She’s hard-working, talented, and real. There is a lot to admire about her as a comedian, writer, and actress. She encourages women to own who they are, to let their authenticity propel their success.

She’s right about so many things: how mean girls can be to each other, how sexist the entertainment industry (and lots of other industry) is, and how difficult it is to be a woman in a society that uses Victoria’s Secret models to sell Pennzoil, just to name a few.

That’s why it’s terribly disappointing that she is a stark-raving fauxminist.

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Fauxminism: How radical feminism failed women – and their children

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I started using the word “fauxminist” a long time ago to describe radical feminists, who are not worthy of the name feminist.

The original American feminists were women of virtue. They were pro-life, among other things. I feel comfortable saying they would be appalled by how their worthy movement was twisted into something decidedly anti-feminine and, yes, anti-woman.

Radical feminists – hereafter to be referred to as fauxminists, because that’s what they are – inherited a great idea. That idea was that women are not property or second-class citizens who should be alternately ignored and treated with the gentlest disdain, lest we have hysterics or attempt to drive a car.

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