Miscarried at 13 weeks, photos of baby Nathan prove the humanity of the preborn

According to Texas law, baby Nathan wasn’t old enough or heavy enough to obtain a death certificate, but he got a proper burial anyway.

Allison’s son was 13 weeks and 4 days when she lost him. Her husband, Daniel, and their 2-year-old son, Matthew, laid Nathan Isaiah to rest on September 12. Nathan’s story is one of life and death, and ultimately hope and healing.

Allison and Daniel, both 28, rejoiced at the news of their pregnancy, and looked forward to February 28, 2014, their due date. After suffering a miscarriage about a year after Matthew’s first birthday, they knew they wanted more children, despite the pain of losing Matthew’s younger brother a day after discovering their pregnancy. “I did not have time to even get used to the fact that I was pregnant before blood and pain flooded our happy reality with loss,” Allison said.IMG_0442

Then in June, joy returned as they learned that Nathan was on his way. Excitedly they shared the news with their toddler. “We asked my son, Matthew, which he wanted, a little brother or a little sister, to which he quickly replied, ‘I want a pickle.’ (He had been on a pickle kick.) So the nickname stuck, and Nathan became known as ‘our little pickle.’”

IMG_1694For two months, Allison endured an exceptional case of morning sickness that often left her in bed, but she was delighted when the small baby bump formed in her belly. The whole family rejoiced at seeing this life develop.


Seeing a certified nurse midwife at about 12 weeks, Allison and Daniel were thankful for the views of this pro-life provider:

She was almost just as excitedto see his little life on the ultrasound for the first time as we were, and was so passionate about what she was doing. She affirmed to us privately, during our first ultrasound, how she could not understand how others did not see babies this young in the womb as a life. Little did we know that her view on this would become so important to us. She rejoiced with us when we saw him squirming around and kicking his legs and saw his heart beating so quickly—and grieved with us when we lost him.

Allison recalls how she fell in love so early with the precious life inside her:

He was so active that he would hardly stay still for her to get a steady reading of his heartbeat. I cried when we saw him for the first time. I loved him from the moment I knew he was mine, but then I heard his heartbeat with my sister-in-law’s Doppler, and he burrowed himself a little deeper into my heart, and then I saw his face on the ultrasound and his tiny feet and beating heart and was head over heels.


The turning point for Allison and her family came at 15 weeks, when, visiting with Allison’s sister-in-law, they repeated an oft-requested favor – to listen to Nathan’s heartbeat on the Doppler. Only this time, something was different. Nathan, who was already seemingly prepping for a soccer career, had gone strangely silent. For 20 minutes Allison’s sister-in-law searched, but could not find the heartbeat.

After trying again the next day, Allison’s worries could not be appeased through the weekend. Feeling no symptoms of miscarriage like before, she and Daniel went to the emergency room anyway. “I could not wait any longer to find out what was going on with my baby,” she said.

And the news wasn’t good:

After hours of waiting for an ultrasound, the doctor finally came in and told Daniel and I that our baby was not moving and had no heartbeat. He said that although I should be 15 weeks along, the baby was measuring 13 weeks and 4 days. No preparation could have been enough.  I felt as though my heart stopped beating with my baby’s.

She was sent home abruptly:

The doctor told us that since I had no signs of miscarriage or infection that we were free to go home and follow up with our obstetrics provider on Monday. Just like that. No funeral home, no casket; just me, my husband, and our dead child in my womb were to drive home and wait until normal office hours.

Allison was sustained not only by her family, but by her faith. “I know that the Lord gave me a peace beyond my understanding during this time, and there was such a stillness and a quietness before the Lord. I did not know what to expect. I didn’t know what is usually done in this situation. All I knew is that I didn’t want to rush the hand of God. I didn’t want to move out of fear or doubt, but out of trust in Him. I knew He was right there with me. I knew that He was weeping with me. I knew that I could trust Him.”

Still, the issue of Nathan’s death was a physically present one, because after a miscarriage, the baby has to be removed from the mother’s body. Allison didn’t understand everything, but she knew two things:

From that moment, I only had two requests from the Lord. I didn’t know what to expect and how things would go, but I knew that I absolutely did not want my baby ripped apart in an abortion-like procedure and discarded in some trashcan like he was worthless. I wanted to have my baby and take him home and give him the dignity of a burial.

Her doctor confirmed the miscarriage the next week and, unlike in the ER, allowed Allison and Daniel to see pictures on the ultrasound of Nathan, revealing the features of the life of their son. The experience in the exam room further proved the power of unborn life to the family. Allison added, “A young nursing student was in the room with us as we saw our little baby and wept over his loss in the exam room. This awakened, even more, a roar inside my heart for others to see Nathan’s little life. To know of his significance, to understand that he was our son, a baby, fashioned in my womb by his Creator, fearfully and wonderfully made.”

Cherishing life is part of Allison’s family, and her sister Amy recalls:

She said she didn’t want someone to just “suck her baby’s body out of her,” that this little one deserved to be honored more than that. She understands sometimes that is necessary but she, we all, prayed it wouldn’t be her necessity.

And then the answer came:

They told me that a DNC is not as effective after 13 weeks in removing everything that needed to be removed and that I would need to be induced and have the baby in the hospital in Labor and Delivery, and that I would be able to take my baby home and bury him.  A surge of validation, satisfaction, thankfulness, and relief flooded my heart! Just four days sooner and my baby’s body would have possibly been subjected to unspeakable horrors and possibly discarded like waste. How could such a thing be?

The next day, they went to the delivery room, where Allison was induced but refused pain medications. “I wanted to feel the pain and to let the reality of it wash over me,” she said. “I wanted to be very present and to feel every contraction. I felt it was my honor to labor for my son.” After over 9 hours of labor, Nathan’s body came out of the womb. He was named Nathan Isaiah because “Nathan means ‘gift of God,’ because Nathan was a great gift from our Lord, and Isaiah means ‘salvation,’ because the greatest gift God has given us is salvation through His only son, Jesus.”


But the most stunning witness of life was their perfectly formed son. Allison said, “His little body was so perfect, with ten tiny fingers and ten tiny toes. He had a nose, a mouth, two little eyes and ears.”

And the family wanted him buried properly. As Amy notes, “You see, until 20 weeks’ gestation, a baby doesn’t require a death certificate or to be legally buried in a cemetery.”

In fact, Texas law says:

A fetal death certificate must be filed for any fetus weighing 350 grams or more, or if the weight is unknown, a fetus aged twenty weeks or more; the certificate must be filed with the local registrar within five days of the date of fetal death by the institution or person who is responsible for the disposition of the fetal remains.

Since Nathan, at 13 weeks and 4 days and weighing 6 oz., was neither 20 weeks nor 350 grams, the family were free to take him home and bury him on a spot of land in East Texas where Allison and Amy had grown up. Reading the Bible, praying, worshiping, they thanked God for the life they had gotten to know in the womb and had gotten to hold after death. “It was simple and beautiful,” Allison said. “It honored the Lord and Nathan. It shouted significance about a life that many would disregard.”

Amy adds, “My heart is heavy. He was so perfectly formed. No one can deny that 13-week-and-4-day-old baby wasn’t a baby. He is delicately put together. You can see every detail. I know God will use him to bring glory to His kingdom, and for that, I am thankful.”


As the family grieves, the pictures of the life they lost tell the story no one with eyes can clearly deny: even at a time when abortion is legal and common, the blob many see is actually a life.

Nathan Isaiah will always be remembered, and the entire family’s prayer is that his life reminds others of the value of all life.


  • Elaine

    We laid our baby girl to rest September 11th, the day before Nathan. She was born sleeping September 5th at 23 weeks. Like your Nathan, she just…stopped. She was perfect; so beautiful. We were just going to cremate her but our priest helped us with expenses and we had a real funeral. I’m so thankful for that! So many old women came up to me and said, thank you for doing this, I lost my baby at 6 months, 7 months, and we never did anything…I don’t know what happened to the body….I didn’t get to see him or her.

    It is so important to affirm the lives our little lost ones, even and especially the littlest. Their humanity cannot be denied. We had another loss at 20 weeks almost a decade ago, plus two “blighted ovum” pregnancies (D and C’s for those; my body did NOT want to give them up despite there being no baby), and they were harder because so few knew. How do you mourn little ones in a culture that denies their humanity? Slowly, slowly this is changing. God bless you and strengthen you in faith.

    • Kimberly Downham Yaksich

      I’m sorry for your loss. I pray that God can bring you some comfort in this time.

  • Clarissa Ricks


  • Greg

    Thank you Allison for sharing your story. My wife and I have suffered through the loss of 6 children. We were fortunate enough to have our priest come to our home and give our little ones proper burials in our Marian garden. Our living children shared with our loss as your living son did with the loss of his brother. Know that he will go forth for the rest of his life knowing the proper respect of all life, especially that which the pop culture discounts. Continue to share your story and spread the message of life and the love you have for Nathan. God Bless.

  • Patty

    I, too, am very sorry for the loss of your baby. He joins all the other angels in heaven looking down upon his family members! God bless your family and may you heal from your loss….

  • TheDaidreema

    Sweet little man; he is there waiting for you now and will pray for all of you until you are reunited. God bless you and your sweet little boy

  • Aphrodite Bassil

    Dear Allison, your story has moved me to tears, you are a wonderful mother, I am simply speechless! Thank you for sharing your story and the pictures, every word carried the unconditional love of God. May Nathan watch over your beautiful family from his eternal home, the arms of Jesus.

  • Janet Parrella

    I found out on Sept, 22nd 2006 that i had miscarried at three months, oddly enough on my birthday, and all i could do was know that God was in control and that He had his reasoning and i do have a little angle in Heaven today that one day i will get to meet.

  • Joyce

    We’ve had two skip life on Earth and I read and reread the story of Hannah from the Bible – so willing to just give her child right over to God. It gave me much relief while we grieved and still rejoiced for our loss and Heavens gain. A dear friend who had walked this road too said, “Our graveyards are like Heavens nursery”.

  • Katieb

    Wow, in tears and speechless. Thank you for sharing.

  • Polly

    Its so sad to wonder what they actually do to other lost little babies. I feel so sorry for them. God bless this family and all little angels that have gone home to Him.

    • KatieA

      You have an amazing story. I’m so sorry for your loss. On April 6th 1998, I was born. I was 1lb and 10 oz. born four months early. My mother didn’t know if I was going to survive or not. I stayed in an incubator for over a month before she could hold me. In a scrapbook that my grandma made for me, I have a picture of me and on my left hand is my fathers wedding ring. it goes all the way up my arm. My parents call me their “precious one”. I am 15 now. And still going strong. Don’t give up hope ladies! God has a long life planned for you, and will teach you many things!!

      • jaden steward

        When I was born, I was 4 pounds, 13 ounces. My mom had me 2 months early on april 27th, 2001 and I was due a day before my moms 36th birthday. I was due june 27th 2001 and I’ve always been tall and skinny. I’m always made fun of for it too. Now I am 12 and in 7th grade and I wiegh

        • jaden

          I weigh 75 pounds now sorry I accedently clicked enter

  • Anonymous

    So touching and such an important message to share with the world. If scientists can call “living cells” living then a child is a life. I want every abortion clinic and doctor to see this page. Please request this page to national news channels.

  • Jackie Johnston McKeone

    Thank you for sharing this story. God bless you all!

  • Bryanna

    so sad

  • hope

    I’m very truly sincerely sorry for the loss of your precious baby. He is in heaven with Jesus Christ. I have 2 baby’s that are in heaven that were born way to soon to, but this article is about you and your baby. Did the state you live in change their mind? He is a human being. he deserves to have a death certificate. May God bless you and your family for always and forever.

  • Rachel

    As someone who has suffered the pain and anguish of 8 miscarriages. I am thankful for the peace that The Lord brings. I struggle everyday with the sadness over my children. I pray for them! My pastors wife told me that we need to name them. This has been a difficult for me since I don’t know if they were a boy or girl. Most of the miscarriages happened when it was too early to tell, but a couple of them I had to go to the ER and the DR looked at me like I was nuts when I asked what sex the baby was… I was 14 weeks along. I pray that The Lord will use your story to reach those who don’t see the tiny fingers. Thank you for sharing.

  • Holly

    I miscarried twins and another pregnancy back to back. It was to early on for me to see much of anything with either. I never got to see them, but the loss was great. I long to see them in heaven one day. I am blessed with two boys. My youngest thinks he has a sister in heaven. I am sure he does. God is good, even in out suffering. God bless.

  • tapestrygarden

    I think one of the most moving funerals I attended was for baby Kyle who died at about his sixth month. The image of the parents with the tiny box in their arms was one i will never forget. Although none of us ever met Kyle we knew him and acknowledge him although he was not alive after his birth. Those who deny the life of unborn babies simply do not understand. I pray we can help them realize their lack of knowledge is resulting in so many unnecessary deaths.

  • tisha

    my twins were taken to heaven july 4th 2011. at 3am I started to miscarry. a whole week of intense labor and eventually a D&C I said goodbye to my babies. everyday I wish to hold them and hear them laugh and cry and see them smile. but in heaven they will always be smiling. my beautiful gifts from god are now my guardian angels! I love them more than anyone would ever know! I think about them everyday!
    I was 14 weeks and it wasn’t an easy pregnancy. I was constantly sick and it was very hard to find the hearts beats. they say one passed away very early but the other grew slowly and I cherished every moment I had with them. they will forever be in my heart!
    mommy loves you Bryan and Olivia!

  • Annette Rf

    In the late 1990s, I lost four stillborn babies the same way: there was no heartbeat. My doctor wanted to induce labor but I refused to allow it in case they were wrong. I allowed the births to happen naturally, and in each case I saw what Amy did: fingers and toes that were perfectly formed. One of the babies I lost was “only” 10 weeks gestation and even with him the fingers and toes were perfectly formed, even the finger and toenails were sharply defined and visible! Yet that baby was only the size of a quarter.

    Women like us have had our pro-life views cemented (if not formed) in the crucible of tragedy and pain, and we will NEVER FORGET WHAT WE SAW. Pro0-abortionists can never lie to us!

  • amy

    So sorry for your loss. I know the things you are going through as I have lost 2 children. I look at it as I now have more to go to heaven for and I have not 1 but 2 little anchors in heaven that tug at my heart when this life gets a little hard. There is hope in Jesus and He will see you through. God Bless.

  • Lou

    I lost a child at 14 weeks ten years ago, I did what my doctor told to me to do afterwards and never really thought about what they did until now. I had never lost a child before so I did not know the procedure but now I do. I am so happy Nathan was able to have a proper burial like anyone else with people who live them would have. All I can do is trust in God that what happened to me was how it was meant to be. I was due for that baby May 12, 2004 and we found out it was a girl. Miraculously, on May 11, 2009 we gave birth to our beautiful baby girl Brooke. I believe she was meant to be with us and eventually came, when God was ready to send her. She is 4 now and has some developmental delays but she is the love of our lives. I believe God gives us the children we were meant to have. God Bless you all, god Bless Nathan!

  • Shelia

    How precious and loving in a world where so many would just rather kill their babies right before they are born. Thank God for loving people like this. God bless them!

  • Momma of VTS

    On February 14, 2005, we were all excited to see the ultrasound. Our midwife
    tuned into the heartbeat and let us listen. Then the pictures – she got quiet
    and wanted us to go to a more advance ultrasound facility immediately. We
    went. We waited. I laid upon the table as the technician did the ultrasound.
    Then he quickly left the room. The doctor came in and had a look. He paused.
    He looked at us and said I was pregnant with fraternal twins – but one had
    died. He was sooooo cold. So callous. I was laying there – just staring at
    the ceiling. Feeling horrible. Ashamed. Carrying these beautiful children was
    my responsibility and I had failed. I asked the technician if they would please
    give me photos of each child and one of the two of them. It was a horrible
    day. The excitement of being pregnant with twins – followed by the loss of
    one. I had to return to work – then pick up our elder son. Both places wanting
    to know if it really was twins and all excited too. Me, I just wanted to crawl
    away somewhere and hide. But there was still a child I needed to care for
    inside of me. After much research – trying to understand this horrible loss – I
    learned what had happened was referred to as Vanishing Twin Syndrome. I had not done anything wrong. In my heart, I know Baby J was a girl. Her name had come o me clear as day. Jessica Marie Sarah. I will see her one day in heaven. I
    guess the hard part is – I never got to carry her to term, deliver her, or hold
    her. She just vanished within my body. So people think it was nothing –
    really. I have siblings who tell me I didn’t lose anything. Maybe she wasn’t
    to anyone else. But she was my baby girl. And she is in Heaven now. I look
    forward to the day I can hold her in my arms. I am so happy you were able to
    say good-bye to your baby – right and proper. What a blessings to your family.
    Thank you for sharing your story. Blessings.

  • Shelby

    Allison, I am very sorry for your loss. My sister has miscarried two little girls, and she didn’t get a funeral either, she didn’t even get to deliver them. The doctors were mainly worried about her being 18 and pregnant which I think is dumb, but they made her get a DNC and said that was the only way. I hope God sends you another bundle of joy, that you can carry full term and deliever and healthy baby. God bless you again!

    • AudreyPH

      In a case like this, could the family of a miscarried baby still have a memorial service if they chose?

  • another mom

    We lost our little one at 12 weeks. He was perfect. Fingers, toes, ears, even through his thin skin I could see his heart. He was the length of my thumb. I will never forget him.

  • morgan


  • Barbara Hicks

    Though Nathan’s short life was lived entirely in the safety of your womb his story leaves a wonderful legacy of remembrance of the importance of every child that is conceived. I thank you for honoring your son and for sharing his story with us. It is wonderful to know he is so loved. God bless you and your family.

  • Indyhotdog

    God bless all mothers. Thank-you for Nathan’s story!

  • maria

    I lost my first-born son at the same age, because the placenta attached right over an artery. The abruptia was incomplete, initially, and for two weeks we hoped the inevitable wouldn’t happen, but it did. I went into labor but had no pain, except the heartache. For those two high-risk weeks, I too had seen him develop with amazing clarity on the ultrasounds, heart beating strong and kicking. He died in the birth process. How dare anyone deny my son’s humanity and worth! How insulting is that to every family that has lost a child! And furthermore, by embracing what he means to me I changed in ways that make me a better mother, a better human being. His little life brought me so many life lessons. I am grateful for those gifts. His little life had purpose, though I did not understand what it was at the time. Even today I am learning things because of his existence. I will always be grateful for him. My only regret is that we didn’t have a funeral. That haunts me, but I know he is ultimately with Him. God bless this family and all the others who share this deep grief.

  • Basset_Hound

    One of the most moving church services I’ve ever attended was on a Sunday within the week of the Roe anniversary. For weeks the pastors solicited cards from women in the congregation who had lost children either during pregnancy or shortly after birth. They wanted to know the gestational age of the child and the child’s name (if any)…They then prepared a Power Point presentation from the cards. Some of the names that showed up were friends and neighbors.

  • Basset_Hound

    One of the most moving church services I’ve ever attended was on a Sunday within the week of the Roe anniversary. For weeks the pastors solicited cards from women in the congregation who had lost children either during pregnancy or shortly after birth. They wanted to know the gestational age of the child and the child’s name (if any)…They then prepared a Power Point presentation from the cards. Some of the names that showed up were friends and neighbors.

  • Elizabeth Kilpatrick

    Beautiful. This article and pictures left me completely moved. Thank you so much for your willingness to share. Praising God for your faithfulness to Him!!!

  • Leslie

    Thank you.

  • jennieD

    I just lost a child at 13 weeks also learning of it at a doc appt with no heart beat and was given no option other than the dnc. I looked at your little angel and realized mine woukd have looked the same. Moved me to tears but also validated the grief and despair i felt. God bless

  • Kristi Manley

    I would like to know what the weight or “age” of the baby has anything to do with getting a death certificate. That baby was alive!

  • michelle Ketner

    my baby was born sleeping on February 22nd 1994 I was 23.5 weeks along I knew she was a girl from the day I found out I was expecting, the pregnancy was an uncomfortable one the entire time for some reason it was not meant to be but she will never ever be forgotten I was going to name her Lisa

  • araceli

    Sorry for your loss I know how bad this hurts it crushes ur spirit and dreams i was only 15 when it happened but i will never forget my child my son Angel i was also sent home since i was indisbelief asked for second ultrasound that they didnt want to go thru with me and my boyfriend went home praying and crying wishing for it all to be a mistake we went back later on and delivered our baby boy born 12/10/10 he will always be remembered

  • michelle Ketner

    Thank you for sharing your story

  • pvb

    Our Judah left this world May 14, 1992, at around 12 weeks. It took us several months to name him/her (we had no ultrasound to confirm gender). Families we knew didn’t publicly grieve miscarried children, much less name them.

    O, Judah, how can we begin to let you know how much we miss you? You were our little gift from God, but He called you home much too soon.
    On the day we learned you were coming, our hearts were so full of joy. Your mother and I would sit and wonder ‘Is this child a girl or a boy’.
    We talked of who you might look like, would you have her smile, my eyes? But these things Judah we will not know, for you left much too soon, but why?
    Lord, there’s so much we still don’t understand; why did our baby go/We never met him face to face, we didn’t get to watch him grow.
    O Lord, we know you sent us Judah, and his leaving somehow fits into your plan. But our arms long to hold him, our hearts ache for our little lamb.
    tears still fall for this precious one in our hearts in not down our face as we continue down this path God leads we’re ever thankful for his grace.
    And so, dear Judah, we will praise the One who reigns forever more as we look forward to that reunion day as you and He wait for us on yonder shore.

  • Deanna

    I lost a daughter in the same way at 15 weeks as well and can truly symphathize with Allison. I only wish that I had had the strength and courage to labor and see my daughter instead of opting for surgery. It’s still one of my deepest regrets.

  • Yvonne

    My baby boy, Paul Anthony was born sleeping March 6, 2002. He weighed 13 ounces and was a mere 10 1/4 inches long despite being almost 28 weeks in the womb. Our nurse was Catholic, like us and sprinkled him with Holy water. We, too, had a funeral. Our priest marveled at how many people showed up for the funeral of a person none of them had ever held. God bless you for sharing your story. I will add you and your family to my daily prayer list :)

  • Mary

    Thank you so much for your story of faith. Nathan will be waiting in heaven for his family. Thank you for sharing your story so that others may realize that life is a gift from God. God Bless

  • [email protected]

    How tragic, but even more tragic is the question of HOW BLIND can someone be to deny that this is a human being?

  • Ramos Karina

    I’m sorry for your loss Allison. Your story brought me to tears. In July 2013 I found out I was pregnant for the first time cant explain the excitement between my husband and I but it would all be bitter sweet in months by August I woke up to a miscarriage not knowing what was happening I panic had my family take me to the ER by then it was to late I had lost the baby hurt disappointed in my self I blamed my self thought I did wrong by not carrying for this child I felt I done bad. My doctor explain and said It wasn’t anything I did wrong it happens to many women. Left it all in the past but is still part of me we decided on just letting life surprise us we talked if god wants to give us an angel we cant plan this so we did and Valentines day 2014 I realized I was pregnant once again went to the doctor for a confirmation it was all 100% 3 weeks along my second pregnancy they had a close eye on me this time to prevent another loss. 6 weeks came along and they were unable to find a heart beat to see the look in her face scared me she said for sure by 8 weeks we should be able to hear a heart beat. 8 weeks in a half came by no heart beat no fetal pole that raised a red flag they gave me the results it was to be a fetal demise and the only opinion I had was a D&C scared out of my mind hugged my husband tight and said sorry he shivered and took a deep breath. I felt like another life was being taken from me loosing my mind I looked for options there wasn’t much I can do Due to LMP I was 12 weeks along but the fetus only measured as 6 weeks. Wondering why this is happening to us. To not see them hold them or hear them breaks my heart as if they slipped my hands its still hard to come to Accept. But god has a plan for each and one of us I Now have something to look UP to in heaven to Angels to hold.

  • Melissa Medeiros Kolenda

    Dear Allison, It is just today that I am coming across your story as a friend of mine shared it on facebook. Today, exactly 4 weeks after I was induced and gave birth to my sleeping 12 week 1 day old baby. While reading your story out loud to my husband, he said the words that were running through my mind ” this is just like our story”. We have a 2.5 year old son and a 9 month old son. Nolan was going to be our 3rd child. Hearing the words ” I’m so sorry, we can’t find his heart beat anymore” was probably the most devastating words I have ever heard. My midwife was amazing and she got special permission from the hospital to do something they have never done before. She got permission to have my induced and birth my baby. She got permission for me to give his life dignity and meaning. Prior to me the earliest induction they had done was 17 weeks. For anything less than that they typically do a D&C. I could not bare the thought of someone suctioning and scraping my precious baby out of my body. That is my baby! I wanted to birth him just as I had done my previous 2…. naturally. I wanted to feel everything and know exactly the moment he was born. I was induced at 8am and gave birth to him at 6:40pm. We had 5 amazing hours with him in the hospital. We held him, kissed him and took a lot of pictures. We had him baptized and did our best to get his hand and foot prints. We got an honorary birth certificate and a legal death certificate. We took him home and 2 days later had him cremated. I have since shared my story and his pictures on a facebook pregnancy support loss group. I have also shared our story on a facebook mom’s group that I has started a couple of years ago. The response has been amazing. I am in awe of the lives that my sweet Nolan has touched. I have had several friends reach out to me and tell me their stories… stories they have never told anyone before. Our angels lives mean something and they touch peoples hearts in a way that others cannot. I’m honored for the short time we had him, but I still hold in my heart the excitement of an expectant parent for the day when we will see him again on that Blessed Day in Glory. God bless you and you family. God bless your sweet Nathan Isaiah.
    ~In loving memory of my angel.. Nolan Gabriel Palmer Kolenda~

  • Manuel Garcia

    I am very sorry for their loss.

  • Darcy Dixon

    My sister just miscarried a few weeks ago. The baby stopped growing at 7 weeks and 5 days. She was 11 weeks the day she actually miscarried. She was able to have the baby cremated. She wanted to keep Laine with her forever. It is amazing how close your stories are. You were just a little further along. It was definitely a baby laying there and not tissue, or cells, or whatever they want to make up it is. So sorry for the loss you went thru!

  • Joanne Cameron

    My oldest sister was born at 7 months over 60 years ago. My mother saif the same thing. they did not see her, they just took her. i wonder what they did with these babys? I hate to thing of my sister being pickled in a jar. They were even told not to name her. she was born dead with the cord wrapped around her neck.

    • Taryn Lichenstein

      That’s so sad. Maybe the medical personnel felt they were helping her move on after the loss of your sister. Back then people weren’t so open about grief. I’m glad that that’s changing and people realize just how important it is for the parents to see, hold, say goodbye and grieve in their own way to have whatever closure is possible in this situation. As Nathan’s mother said in the article, these little ones lost deserve dignity, too. RIP sweet angel babies ?

    • Kate

      If it was at a Catholic hospital, the nuns would have buried the baby.

      • beegeegirl

        see my reply above to Joanne Cameron’s post

        • Georgina Wray

          My reply to Joanne Cameron is to you too.

    • beegeegirl

      my son was born at 8½ months … they whisked him out of the room … I asked to see him … they said ”you really don’t want to, do you ?” In other words, they discouraged me from seeing my son … there was no birth certificate, no death certificate … NOTHING !!! Of course, being an ”unwed mother” gave me no rights at all !!! He was born in a nun-controlled hospital, so I was nothing but a dirty girl for being pregnant & not married … treated with NO RESPECT AT ALL !!!!! But I will, to my dying day, wonder about my son … he was born on Dec. 3, 1966, just after midnight, in St. Mary’s Hospital in Green Bay, Wisconsin.

      • Roberta Glasson

        Im sorry about your loss and the pain that must be in your heart. God has a plan for each of us and He gives us each a peace that passes understanding so that we can carry on in life. I was born Jan. 17, 1967 in Green Bay. I think St. Marys too. My birth mother placed me up for adoption. I’ve met her and she is a great woman. I love her so. The day we met was like looking in a mirror. We can talk for hours. I never thought of her as a dirty unwed mother, but a brave and compationate sole who chose to give me life in a time when being an unwed mother was unthinkable. That being said, I tell you that you are beautifully and wonderfully made and I know your son was too. One day you’ll meet him again and it will surely be a joyous reunion. Grace and peace to you.

        • beegeegirl

          I will ALWAYS wonder about him ….. and I KNOW I will see him one day, maybe very soon ….. the way the world is right now, something major is about to happen ….. sometimes I wonder if he really died or if they gave him to someone who wanted a baby ….. a former friend of mine was born in the same hospital, six months later ….. back in those days, they kept the babies in the nursery and brought them to the moms to feed, etc. Penny’s mom asked to have her baby brought to her room. They brought her a boy. Penny’s mom KNEW she’d had a little girl, & she put up one hell of a fuss, demanding that they bring her HER BABY, not someone else’s baby boy …. finally they took away the boy and brought her her little girl ….. so I KNOW that those nuns did some shady things ….. so sometimes, like I said, I wonder if I will be in a store here in Green Bay and see someone who looks just like his father ….

          • Georgina Wray

            That is terrible. May the knowledge that you will be reunited with him give you comfort. How wonderful it will be when he is reunited with his Moma. I worked in a state hospital so was never faced with such situations. Also any unmarried moms were given the option of a single room, but only if they felt they could not deal with seeing dads visiting. We tended to spend more time with them as many were away from home so had fewer visitors. One of my best friends is a nearly 83 year old single mom and the treatment she received at the home where she stayed for most of her pregnancy then another 5 weeks’ was awful and unsurprisingly, she still remembers it vividly. It saddens me greatly, she is a wonderful lady.

          • Mary Holley

            Wow! That is unbelievable.

      • Kate

        I feel bad that you perceived that were treated as bad or dirty. I have worked as a nurse in Catholic hospitals most of my career (I’m not Catholic) and I have never seen them treat anyone as you describe. They may tsk, tsk but you are God’s child as they are. You need to get some help to work on the anger you feel after all these years. You need to grieve for your baby.

        • beegeegirl

          I did not PERCEIVE that I was treated that way …. I WAS treated that way !!!!! There is no doubt that I was whispered about & pointed at as being an unwed mother …. even my cousin was horrified when she and a group of her friends were in a Shopko store & I was there with a few of the other unweds to get some exercise … walked about ten blocks from the unwed mother home to the store … & my mother sent me a nasty letter telling me how embarrassed and humiliated she was that I said hi to her and then her friends asked who I was and she said I was her cousin. They all knew that we were dirty unwed mothers, so I should NEVER have gone out in public like that for everyone to see !!! SO NO I did not misunderstand, I did not just THINK I was seen as dirty ….. AND YOU have no right to tell me that I need to get help for my anger …. my anger is justified, and since YOU weren’t there, you have no WAY of knowing how it all went down … so keep your holier than thou attitude to yourself, because you are NOT helping anyone with it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

          • Dorothy Brown Gray

            I have no doubt that they treated you that way! All anyone has to do is research how those catholic nuns treated young girls in your situation, and it will become clear to anyone who doubts that they did illegal & shady things like that more times than not! And yes, it was not just in Ireland, and England, but right here in the US!!! Mary Holly, you are 100% right about everything you said! Beegeegirl, you have my empathy, and sympathy for what happened to you!!! You may never know what really happen… Those nuns WERE NOT angles of mercy like so many misinformed & unenlightened people think they were!!! My thoughts are with you, Dear Beegeegirl! Xo

      • Mary Holley

        As I read your story, I kept wondering what ‘uncivilized’ country you had delivered this baby in, and when I read that you had delivered in a state in the USA, I couldn’t even believe it! Sounds to me like a whole lot of illegal stuff happened, if all of that happened. I’ve been an OB nurse for 34 years, and there’s no (legal) way they could have not done a birth/death certificate. So, they either broke more laws than we can imagine, or something shady was going on, in how they treated you and what they kept from you. The one thing I wasn’t clear on, was whether you are saying he was born alive or whether he was a stillborn?

        • beegeegirl

          he was stillborn, they said …..

          • Mary Holley

            You never heard any crying or anything? And you had reason to know, or think, ahead of delivery, that he had died, inside of the uterus?

            I know none of that matters now, but in my wildest dreams (as a now former Labor & Delivery nurse), I cannot fathom what happened to you, and my heart aches for you.

          • beegeegirl

            no …. I was in a room by myself, they kept coming in and checking my ANALLY and I was traumatized from being raped that way, so I was not in a good frame of mind ….. !!! when they came in another time to check me, I begged the nurse not to check me that way, that I was raped there and it was KILLING ME that they kept doing that to me …. she said that they wouldn’t do that any more … I asked them why he didn’t cry, but by that time they had whisked him out of the room and I couldn’t hear/see any more …. So, since I was so immature and not educated in the act of pregnancy, I just let it go, thinking that they were right in discouraging me from wanting to see him ! don’t know …. will some day !!!

          • Mary Holley

            I do know, in my early labor & delivery days, that I remember one of the other nurses that I worked with, who had already been doing this a long time, telling me that nurses used to only be ALLOWED to check patients in labor, anally (and that they actually COULD feel the cervix through the rectal wall, because during labor, and as the baby came down, it thinned out to the point, that they could feel the cervix through it). I have no idea why that was the only way nurses were allowed to check, but she said that only the doctors were permitted to check vaginally. Crazy. I don’t know exactly when that changed, either. It was before I came upon the work scene, though.

            I certainly understand your reason for not wanting to be checked that way, and I’m sorry you had to go through THAT, too, as well as everything else you went through with this. I find myself wishing that I had been able to be your labor nurse, so I could have been there for you.

          • beegeegirl

            it has been a few weeks since I wrote about my horrible experience with my baby, but reading what you wrote made me bust out crying ! I too wish that YOU had been there with me …. then this anger I feel, this wanting to even have seen his face and not being able to, wouldn’t still be so fresh, even after all these years ….. THANK YOU for your very special words !!!!! they mean more than you could POSSIBLY KNOW !!!

          • Mary Holley

            I’m glad my words helped you in some way. I do feel a LOT of compassion for people in your kind of circumstances. Fortunately, specifically what you went through never happens anymore, because things just aren’t done like that anymore. But, for anyone that suffers a loss, it’s devastating. In the couple days that we have them in the hospital, I’m sure we don’t even see the full affects of it. My heart still goes out to you, for what you experienced, and I hope and pray that you are able to find peace, one day.

          • beegeegirl

            SOMETIMES, I forget that Dec. 3rd was his birthday ….. then all of a sudden, I remember & I think about how old he’d be ….. I never forget the date of his birth, but I forget that it IS the third of Dec., because every day runs into the next and all of a sudden I realize it is THE DAY … then I mourn for him a little, and I think that one day I WILL MEET HIM !!! and YES, your words did help me …. God bless you for caring !

          • Mary Holley

            You are very welcome. I know what you mean about “forgetting”, but not forgetting, the birth date. I do that, just did that, with my Dad’s birthday, who has been gone for 20 years! August 9th, and I was on Facebook, and was reading off to my husband, 5 different people on my friends list, who had birthdays that day, then I read the date, out loud, and then it hit me. Today is DAD’S birthday! Like you said, I’d never forget that Aug 9th was his birthday. It just didn’t dawn on me that that day WAS Aug 9th. He would have been 90 years old this year.

      • Laurie

        that is so sad that they treated you that way. i am so sorry! you will meet your son again!

      • Diana Englehardt

        I am so sorry, my grandmother was adopted out of a Catholic hospital in Ohio in either 1934 or 1936. Her birthday on her “birth certificate” claims July 21… However, she may have been born in the spring. My grandmother went to search out her birth mother, supposedly the place burned that held those records… :( I am so sad she went to her grave never finding the answers in 2007. :(

    • Georgina Wray

      The staff would probably have taken her to the mortuary and later she would have been placed in a coffin with an old lady and interred with her. It was thought to be a kindness to protect the parents from added grief but we know better now. The hospital staff in those days would have shown loving respect and washed the baby and placed them in a white shroud. I hope that this brings some comfort even though it was far from ideal.

      • Debbie WIley

        They would of placed an un-named premature infant with another deceased lady? I find that interesting…

        • Mary Holley

          I find that unbelievable (and outrageous)!!! Also, 8 1/2 months is not premature.

          • Richelle

            Keep your negatively to yourself.

          • Mary Holley

            See my above response to you. A 2 week early baby is full term and should have been buried in it’s own grave.

        • Georgina Wray

          I can only speak from experience and practice. So much has changed, People genuinely endeavoured to do their best.

        • Richelle

          I find it comforting. Not allowing the child to be buried alone but with a mother type figure. They did what they thought would be best under the circumstances of that time.

      • Mary Holley

        What!? “In those days”? Are we talking about the story of the baby boy that was born in 1966, in Wisconsin? I can’t even believe that.

        • Georgina Wray

          Please see my response to Joanne Cameron. I am sorry my phrase upset you.

        • Richelle

          Pipe down. These kind people are only trying to help enlightened someone who is unsure how things were handled. Why do you type of people always have to be “outraged” or negative in some type of way? If you have nothing positive to share & only want to find something be complain about then keep it to yourself. Be negative & miserable alone.

          • Mary Holley

            If you even read her story, and all of HER posts, and saw HER outrage, you would know that every word I said completely validated HER feelings. You don’t know what you’re talking about. It was a situation that called for outrage. A Mom asks to see her baby – that they “told” her was stillborn – and they refused to let her see him!? How could you feel anything BUT outrage for that? For that Mom!

            Did you see how she responded to the person who tried to soft peddle things to her, and say “I’m sorry you ‘perceived’ that you were treated badly…”? Look it up. SHE was “outraged”!

            Let me tell you a story (let’s say it’s hypothetical, for privacy’s sake). There was once a Mom, who was very ill, during her pregnancy, delivered her baby, prematurely. and because the baby, therefore, had respiratory problems, and had to be on respiratory support in the nursery, IT was not able to be taken to the Mom for her to see. In the mean time, Mom became MUCH more ill, so wasn’t able to go to the nursery, herself, to see her baby, either, and she ended up passing away, never having even gotten to lay eyes on her baby. ANY time there is an opportunity for a Mom to be able to spend time with that baby – be it stillborn, or a case when HER life is at risk – they need to be GIVEN that opportunity, if at all possible.

            Until YOU have spent sometime in a maternity department, observing this kind of thing, firsthand, and how important that mother/baby contact is – you have no right to be telling anyone else that they have no reason, or right, to be outraged! So YOU need to keep YOUR opinion to YOURself!

          • Zia24

            It used to be that they thought it was best for the mother not to see a dying baby, or if it was deformed it might upset her more. Sometimes, depending on the situation the hospital will make various decisions that have the best intentions. In my experience, the hospital was horrible for the most part. Only the nurses had any clue how to treat someone in my type of grief. I think one reason why the rest of the staff was awful is because they themselves felt uncomfortable dealing with a dead baby and distraught parents.

          • Mary Holley

            You are probably 100% right. I am so glad they/we have figured things out better than that now. Not everybody WANTS to see their dead baby, but it’s very VERY rare, these days for them not to. The bottom line is that it’s their choice. Someone else, no matter how well intended it may have been, should decide what’s best for that particular patient.

            It also used to be that all OB doctors were men – and all nurses were women – thus the point you made about the nurses being the ones that were able to be understanding and nurturing.

            I have to say, knowing what I/we know now, I’m glad I wasn’t an OB nurse back then (I’ve been one for 34 years, in case you haven’t read my other posts and seen that – so everything I’ve said in this discussion, has come from that perspective. The OB nurse perspective).

      • beegeegirl

        that was what I was told would happen with him, but I spoke to a funeral home director in the middle 90’s, and HE also said that something very fishy was going on ….. I gave him my alias (we were not allowed to use our real names) and he went from the beginning of Nov 66 to the end of Dec 66 to see if any stillborn babies had been delivered to his place because that was where they’d told me they took stillborns to be buried … he checked all records, then he contacted St. Mary’s hospital, and they had NO RECORDS of my ever being there …. so HE said something went on back in the middle 60’s that shouldn’t have …

        • Georgina Wray

          Hello. I seem to have inadvertently upset people from the replies I have received. I apologise wholeheartedly for this.
          My experience commenced in the late 1950’s and “those days” seems a lifetime ago as I reflect on the many medical advances and changes in practice, for the better, I have been part of. I had the privilege of preparing tiny and stillborn infants for burial on the wards following delivery. The infants births and deaths were not registered so funeral home directors did not record them. Often, it would be certain directors who would be willing to take the infants, at their own expense, to ensure a respectful burial. Your experiences have understandingly caused traumas beyond my experience but we lovingly cared for the little ones, often weeping as we did so. They were treated as any baby, child or adult who passed away in our care would have been. They were not discarded or preserved in jars.
          I have also watched attitudes and practices change for the better, involving parents and often other family members. Thankfully, it has been recognised how important it is to give parents’ time and privacy following the birth and at other times, to spend time with their little ones. What was once seen as protecting parents, especially the mothers, was finally seen to be misguided and all too slowly replaced with an understanding that we did not and could not protect them. Instead we gave rise to unresolved situations examples of which I have read on these pages. Grief and mourning are part of the healing process and whilst some parents may choose not to see their baby, this is extremely rare.
          As I reach the end of my own life I can only hope that my body will be treated with the respect I afforded those in my care. Again, I can only apologise for further distress I unwittingly caused.

          • Mary Holley

            You are so right, in that medicine, and the practice thereof, has changed drastically, over the course of time (even in the ‘only’ 35 years I’ve been a part of the ‘medical community’). But when I read her story, and then read the phrase “back in those days”, and the time frame she was talking about was only 1966…yes, that was a few years ago, but the practice she described, and what happened to her, sounded SO fishy to me (the parts about no birth or death certificates – that’s just not legal) , that it sounded like either something fishy WAS going on, or that it really was a LONG time ago – like back at the beginning of the 1900’s, or whatever.

            I’m sure, in your own experience, everything that was done, was done in such a way that was intended to be for the best for everyone, and I don’t doubt the level of care you put into your work, one little bit.

            I wasn’t there in 1966, but it’s just really hard to imagine that even that “recently”, a Mom that just delivered a stillborn baby, that WANTED to see her baby, was denied that privilege.

    • Meli

      I read a story once of a woman who had a near death experience (NDE). She met a beautiful young girl who showed her some things on the other side and about the woman’s life, then told her she would not be allowed to stay and would have to go back to her body. The woman asked the girl her name, and was told, “I don’t have a name. You didn’t name me.” The woman realized then that the girl was a baby that she had that was stillborn. I had lost 4 babies to first trimester miscarriages. I immediately gave each of them a name and apologized for not doing so sooner. Always name your babies.

      • beegeegirl

        well, I must say that I didn’t get to name my son, but his name would have been David Allen if I had been able to ….. David means ”beloved” and I sure did love him ….. loved counting his hiccoups and loved when he made sounds … YES, he DID make sounds !!!

  • erika

    I lost mine year 1/2 ago due to wrongful SSRI drug… Doctors told me to stay on for the baby so he/she won’t go through any withdrawls,But didn’t realize it was very harmful to the baby. Everyday I wake up with regret..

  • Tabatha Morgan

    Your story moved me to tears. Losing a child is a painful thing. I myself lost two babies at 10 and 11 weeks. I never got to see my babies. It is something you carry with you forever but I have solace in the fact that they are happy and rejoicing in heaven, just like your Nathan. God bless you and your family.

  • Mark982

    Thank you for opening up publicly with your story. I’ve perused most of the comments and fail to find any pro-murder of the unborn comments here. Your story and the pictures of your son take all of their lies away. My wife still grieves today that decades ago and running from God, she allowed her live in to talk her into abortions. Thankfully there are organizations that help woman cope with their losses that occurred naturally and purposefully. All we can do is love all of you, have compassion for you and for comfort, we know that that soul is with Christ.

  • Tara Elias

    Precious! Having had 3 early miscarriages and never having seen my little ones, I love to see how perfectly formed they would have already been. Can’t wait to meet them one day… <3

  • Pamela Carothers

    May God bless you all. I know your pain been there too.

  • teddy6139

    That’s one of the most touching articles I’ve ever read. Unshakable faith in a nearly faithless world. This should be shared far and wide. A life is a life. People should see what they’re willing to deny as such.

  • Julie Larson Critchfield

    Thank you for sharing your very personal story!

  • Rose

    Your story touched my heart and brought tears to my eyes, as these other stories do also. Your precious baby girl will be waiting for you at the sweet “reunion.” I will be so happy when I meet you both!

  • Rose

    God bless you, Maria. I know your precious son has an important place in God’s kingdom. Thank you for sharing your story.

  • Sorry for your loss of your Child Know this you will see him again in Heaven! Amen!

  • Dina

    Dear Allison, I cried reading your story! Thank you for sharing it. At my 20 week appointment with my 3rd baby my whole family went with us and my mom and my mother in law and we wanted to show our other 2 boys their baby brother or sister on the screen. Usually at theses appointments they look at the anatomy of the baby and after they told us that were having another baby boy I was so happy and then they told us that he will be born with heart problems and all he’s organs are twisted and he might not live after birth. I remember that when they were still telling us about all he’s problems and all that came to my mind is he’s name is and should be Nathan and all I did was prayed to God that no matter what He is in control and no matter the outcome. The name just came to me, even tho I read what the meaning was years before and we were honestly hoping for a girl and until that day we were thinking about only girl names. The name is so beautiful and I do believe he is a gift to us. Our little Nathan is 2 months old today and had 5 surgeries and is still here with us despite what doctors told us and suggested abortion soany times. He is a miracle baby! God Bless you Allison and your family and thank you for sharing your story! I started crying when I got to read your baby’s name Nathan, it touched my heart!

  • Brittany

    my heart goes out to her and her family God bless you sister may the lord and creator of all things be with you!

  • Stacey Bee

    My heart just breaks reading your story. What a sweet heaven sent gift he is. Thank you for sharing. I feel your pain havibg lost 4 babies to miscarriage one at 16 weeks and one a twon to my oldest daughter. It never gets any easier but I find hope and peace in others stories that O am not alone…..God bless

  • lindamarie45

    All he needed was his little body. Thank you for sharing. This must have been so hard for you, but this little man shows how earlier baby’s form.

  • Mary Hodges

    This story about Nathan has really touched my heart.I miscarried at 13 weeks but I don’t know what the sex of the baby was,I’ll find out when I get to HEAVEN.

  • Christina Marie Rivera-Pierce

    I’m sorry for your loss. I also lost my baby at 16 weeks. I was also induced and had him through delivery. I was able to see him but was not allowed to keep his tiny body. I don’t know what became of my Samuel. It breaks my heart to think what they did to him. God bless you and your family for giving your precious Nathan a proper burial. I know one day we will see our children in heaven with Jesus.

  • LadyBug310

    I’m sorry for your loss. My husband and I experienced our first miscarriage, I was only 2 weeks. I pray that God give you healing during the time.

  • Dear Allison, Daniel and Matthew,
    I weep with you. It may take awhile, but one day I hope you reach a peace that surpasses all understanding. Rest in the assurance … And we know that in all thing God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose … Rom 8:28. Rest in the peace of knowing Nathan had an important purpose. You will discover that purpose. Rest also in the peace of knowing Nathan is with God who does not condemn babies before they reach an age of understanding.
    I have been where you are. You will never forget, but you will heal. My prayer life is in disarray, but I will pray for you.

  • Tisha French

    I feel your pain. June 21, 2004, I delivered my son at 24 weeks gestation in a toilet. I watched him quit breathing in the ambulance 5 minutes from the hospital. The pain lives with me today. <3 Grant.

  • David

    Why would death certificates and burials have weight requirements?

  • Sandi Curtin Cunningham

    I am so sorry for the loss of your precious Nathan. I have buried my daughter, 14 weeks gestation, my second daughter at 18 weeks gestation and a son at 19 weeks gestation. They are every bit as human and loved as my two children that are here with my husband and I. I am so happy you had the courage, strength and support to honor your son’s life. Hospitals are doing better jobs of this than they did with my first loss, Erin, was born, but there is so much room for improvement. My heartfelt wishes to you and your family as you learn to mother Nathan forever in your heart!

  • Angel Sharp

    I’m so sad for your loss…so thankful you shared your story to~ NOBODY gives a hope of doing that…I miscarried at 12 weeks in 1995 & the question of where my child was began to torment me almost immediately… just where, i didn’t know. I called & asked & didn’t like the answers.Despite having a D & C (I was very niave about it all) I told them that I wanted to bury my child. I obtained the release & that is exactly what I did…it was the ONLY thing that gave me peace & still does to this day.

  • Teri Coker

    Im so sorry for ur loss, i misscarried at 13 weeks and 6 days, i wasnt giving an option to take my son home, i felt so empty and with no closure. Im so thankful now today people like and others can now acknowledge th4ir babies and take them home. May God with withbu and ur family in the yrs to come…. my son Chris 1983 RIP son, mom and dad and sissy loves and misses u

  • danny

    This breaks my heart but also solidifies my absolute belief that no matter the gestation, life is life. I miscarried at 7 weeks my first pregnancy and I am now 18 weeks 5 days with my second pregnancy. I’m terrified it will happen again. Every check up, every ultrasound I brace for bad news. I know the life growing inside me is precious and I cannot fathom the pro choice mind set. Thank you for sharing your story and Nathan’s. I hope peace, healing and comfort come for you and your family.

    • Tiffany Marie Hill-Hozempa

      I just wanted to wish you a healthy and peaceful pregnancy. I will pray that things continue to go good and that you have a fast and easy delivery without any complications. May you and your family be blessed with a healthy precious newborn!

  • Shelley Fairburn


  • Amanda

    I had nearly the same experience with my last pregnancy, which was my 6th pregnancy, but would have been my 3rd baby. I was further along with this pregnancy’s loss, then I was with my other losses. After being sent home from the er to wait for the final stages of the miscarriage, our bitty came. My husband and I prayed and took pictures. We bought a beautiful plant and burried our bitty. I am so sorry for your loss, I know your pain. I wasn’t able/have not yet found much comfort, but time and my other littles are helping me wake up every day. I have a son, Asher(3), and a daughter, Aubrey (23mos) The lights in my life. I hope you find peace.

  • Sarah Lewis

    Thank you for giving us another angel to watch over us!! I’m sorry for your loss. Rest in peace sweet baby.

  • Melanie Nordeen

    Thank you for sharing your story and the pictures of Nathan. It is my hope that your story touches many lives. May God bless you and your family for such an unselfish act of kindness.

  • Tom Derfelt

    Judging from the comments, it seems God performs a lot of abortions.

    • Andrew J. Corrales

      Why suppose it’s God? Why not Satan? Why not suppose it’s simply Adam’s sin?

      • Noah Webster

        Tom -God cannot abort what he creates what is your point ALSO JUDGING as you used it makes no sense

        • Tom Derfelt

          I mean judging in the sense like when you say for instance, “judging from the position of the needle on my gas gauge, I am about to be empty.” Sorry for the misunderstanding.

          If God did not abort what he has created, what did?

      • Tom Derfelt

        Does God truly allow Satan to wield such power? Why would God punish an absolutely, 100% purely innocent unborn baby for a “crime” committed by two humans he himself created an incredible length of time ago?

        Why even suppose that this is the work of ANY figment of my imagination?

        • Andrew J. Corrales

          Firstly, they’re not figments of anyone’s imagination. If God doesn’t exist then human reasoning is nothing more than randomly evolved chemicals and is no more valid for finding truth than tea leaves in a cup. Furthermore, since there is no natural way for the universe to come into existence ex nihilo and couldn’t have always been there (if it had, the heat death of the universe would have occurred long ago), only supernatural agency can explain the existence of the universe. This supernatural entity would have to be animate–inanimate agencies cannot initiate action; they can only be acted upon. It would also have to be superintelligent–all the various constants which define the universe such as Planck’s constant or the gravitational constant are precisely calculated at values perfect for the universe to contain life–if these constants’ values were off by the slightest amount, we couldn’t exist. Obviously none of the gods of various polytheistic or animistic religions–including tritheistic Mormonism–can’t be real–they’re generally created by the universe, not creators. In fact, I have yet to learn of a pagan god that was there before the universe. Furthermore, the laws of nature are presupposed by scientists to be eternal, universal, unchanging, and without exception–which supposition should be impossible if polytheism or animism are true. If there were many gods then the universe would be in chaos, because pagan gods act exactly like humans, sometimes worse–one Greek myth I read was a story about a woman who chose a mortal lover over a Greek god. Islam also cannot be true–the Quran says that Allah is a deceiver (Surah 3:54; 4:142, 157; 7:99, 182-183; 8:43-44; 11:34; 27:50; 68:45), which refutes it automatically–a deceiving god can’t be trusted, and one couldn’t know anything to be true. Which is another reason to not believe paganism–too many lying gods. All that is left of course is the Judeo-Christian God, and the Old Testament. That makes Adam and Satan real people.

          We also must conclude that Jesus is the Messiah and therefore that Christianity is true, because of Daniel chapter 9. An angel tells Daniel that there would be seventy “sevens” by the end of which such-and-such things would have happened (verse 24; I say “such-and-such” because I don’t remember what they were and I’m concerned with something else)–more interestingly, that the seventy “sevens” would begin with a decree to restore and rebuild Jerusalem and the sixty-ninth “seven” would end with the Messiah’s coming (verse 25), and that after that, before the seventieth “seven,” the Messiah would die (the seventieth “seven” doesn’t occur until verse 27, and corresponds with the final seven years of human history, for by or at the end of that “seven” all the goals of verse 24 must be accomplished). Now the decree to restore and rebuild Jerusalem is told about in Nehemiah and happened on March 4, 444 BC. Measuring from there, if we take the “sevens” to be periods of seven days, weeks, or months, nothing significant happens, not even false messiahs. If we take them to be periods of seven years of 360 days each (for the ancient Jews used 360-day years), then when you multiply 360*7*69, you wind up with 173,880 days, or 476 years and 25 days, which puts the endpoint of the sixty-nine weeks (and the date of the Messiah’s coming) on March 29, AD 33–the exact date Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a donkey, in fulfillment of Zechariah 9:9. The following Friday Jesus was executed on a cross, to fulfill Psalm 22 and Isaiah 52:13-53:12, and the Sunday after that He rose from the dead to fulfill Psalm 16:10.

          Secondly, God created Satan good and intended Satan’s power to be used for good. Satan chose to become evil (Ezekiel 28:11-19–Satan’s name isn’t mentioned, but it’s unlikely that the mortal ruler of a city founded after the Flood by people who’d sinned could be accurately described, even by metaphor or hyperbole, as “blameless in his ways” or “in Eden”–therefore, the common belief that this was addressed to an evil spiritual entity elsewhere called Satan). God permits it because He wants all humans and angels to be truly good, and they can only be truly good if they choose to be, without being forced to do good or restrained from doing evil. There is always the risk of people being evil when there is free will in the libertarian sense. His goal in giving free will is to have a people who will be with Him forever in a personal relationship because they chose Him (1 John 1:7, 2 Corinthians 1:9, Revelation 21:1-3, 22:17). He died for everyone and wants everyone to be saved (1 Timothy 2:3-4, John 3:16, 2 Corinthians 5:18-19), but making everyone unable to avoid good and do evil offers no possibility of a real consenting personal relationship. He also didn’t create Adam and Eve bad, He made them good (Genesis 1:31)–as far as I can tell, we’re all made good and only become evil later by choosing to do evil (Ecclesiastes 7:29, Psalm 139:14).

          Thirdly, we’re not being punished for Adam’s sin by our mortality–that is unscriptural (Ezekiel 18:1-20). We’re mortal because 1. Adam’s sin brought death into the universe (1 Corinthians 15:21-22). 2. It is impossible for a mortal to reproduce an immortal (Job 14:1-4). 3. Adam was booted from the Garden of Eden so he couldn’t eat from the tree of life (Genesis 3:22-24). 4. Adam’s sin not only made him guilty but also gave him knowledge of good and evil–both make one enslaved to sin, because knowing right from wrong excites all kinds of insatiable evil desires. We are able to resist but Satan deceives us into thinking otherwise (John 8:34, Romans 6:16, 7:7-25, Deuteronomy 30:11, 1 Corinthians 10:13, Revelation 12:9, 1 Peter 5:8). And of course he taught his kids morality, and his flaws rubbed off on them. Hence, we all learned sin from our parents, who learned it from their parents, and so on until we reach Adam and Eve, the first parents (1 Peter 1:18, which talks about the empty way of life handed down to you from your forefathers, and Romans 5:19). So all have sinned and are slaves to sin, except through Jesus, whose blood cleans us from sin (1 John 1:9, Hebrews 9:14) and whose body bore our sins like the scapegoat (1 Peter 2:24, see Leviticus 16), and whose having died frees us from sin (Romans 6:1-7)–and who was raised from the dead. Therefore, suppose after Adam sinned he’d eaten from the tree of life. He–and all of us–would be eternally enslaved to sin without any possibility of Someone redeeming us by His death. Why would God let that happen? We’re mortal at least partly because of God’s mercy.

          No disrespect intended. God bless. :)

          • Tom Derfelt

            Well that is a very impressive wall of text. I hope this is a Word document you keep on your computer to paste into Disqus comments and you did not invest so much time on me.

            “It would also have to be superintelligent” and “All that is left of course is the Judeo-Christian God, and the Old Testament” are probably the funniest parts to me. Here’s a God who regretted making people on a couple occasions (Genesis 6:6, Exodus 32:14). He had to impregnate a virgin against her will (Matthew 1:18) to save us from sin? All of Timothy is pretty much misogyny. I don’t see the Bible being too superior to the Quran. They’re both full of contradictions and immoralities.

            I think it’s far more plausible there is an incredible, unknowable, force that put all existence into motion. It is incredible to think a bunch of troglodytes in the iron age put together the correct account of whatever the amazing creator is. I think lots of bits of the Bible have been added and subtracted over the years. I think an omnipotent god would either see us as less than insects, and it would not give too craps about our existence or at the very least, wouldn’t reveal itself at a point in time where cutting-edge information-recording technology was books.

            I don’t remember Planck’s constant or even an explanation of what gravity was in the Bible. Pretty sure these iron age folks thought the earth was flat (they certainly talked in a way that sounded unaware there was an entire couple of continents to the west). I think you may have included those words just to sound smart. Nice job, bro.

          • Andrew J. Corrales

            I don’t use Word documents to type on Disqus. I type my apologetics “walls of text” from memory, or else I come up with it on the spot.

            Finding something funny doesn’t make it wrong.

            God can feel however He wishes. Regretting having made people every once in a while, because of people’s deliberate evil, still doesn’t make Him less intelligent than omnisapient.

            He didn’t “impregnate” Mary against her will. He let her know in advance and she said OK. Jesus’ conception was literally a miracle. And it was actually His shed blood and death that saved us from sin.

            Which Timothy is “all misogyny?” Forgive me, I don’t mean to mock you, but there are two books written to Timothy, and neither of which is all misogyny. Now which part is misogyny? The “I do not permit a woman to teach or have authority over a man?” How is that misogyny? Patriarchy, yes, but rulership of males in a religion is quite a different thing from hatred of females–and it certainly doesn’t do away with the political rights of females to be alive, own property, speak, write, and travel freely, vote, have jobs, peaceably assemble, petition the government for redress of grievances, etc.

            Also, look at what else the Bible says–women are to receive instruction. Quietness and submissiveness, yes, but what student can learn while talking? The Jewish culture from which the Bible came didn’t allow women to receive doctrinal instruction. Paul, who people today people say was misogynist, was actually a women’s rights activist in his day.

            I mean no disrespect but the universe could not have always existed–if it had then the heat death of the universe would have happened long ago. However, it couldn’t come from absolute nothing, because that contradicts the law of conservation. Some unknowable force you theorize about would have to be supernatural.

            Calling the human authors of the Bible “troglodytes” is more ad hominem than actual reasoning. Moses and Paul were some of the most educated people of their respective days. Luke was a doctor, Matthew a tax collector. Exactly zero biblical authors were “troglodytes.” And has it occurred to you that they were under inspiration of God Himself?

            I mean no disrespect but do you have any evidence that the Bible was subtracted from? There have been very few additions, but there isn’t a trace of evidence for the Bible having been subtracted from.

            Why would God view the people He created in His image as insects? Why would He wait to reveal Himself to us? He loves us!

            Can you name five contradictions in the Bible that aren’t refuted? Every time someone comes up with one, it turns out to be a false alarm.

            You missed my point in bringing up the Quran and Planck’s constant. If God lies then we can’t know anything to be true. The God of the Bible never lies and the god of the Quran does. The fact that you know anything to be true means that the god of the Quran can’t be true. In fact, only the God of the Bible never lies. All other gods ever imagined lie.

            Planck’s constant and the gravitational constant don’t need to be in the Bible to prove that God exists. If either constant were different by even the least amount we couldn’t survive. What are the odds of both constants, and indeed all such constants and similar, being perfect for supporting life by chance?

            Isaiah 40:22 is where the Bible says the earth is round not flat. The Hebrew word for circle is chuwg, which means, according to Gesenius’ Hebrew-Chaldee Lexicon, means circle or sphere.

            I included no words just to sound smart. I mean no disrespect but can you actually show me that either my premises are false or that my logic is faulty, instead of ad hominem? Forgive me if I sounded harsh but simply hurling a.h. isn’t going to refute me or get me even thinking.

            No disrespect intended. Sorry if I sounded too rude or anything. God bless. :)

          • Tom Derfelt

            I need to name 5 contradictions? Sheesh, ok.

            1. “Regretting having made people every once in a while” as you put it. An all-powerful God that knows everything from beginning to end. Why would he regret? Why wouldn’t he have gotten it right on the first try? Why decide in the beginning that he needs animal sacrifices and then later he’s like oh wait just kidding here’s Jesus to fix things. Why not have Jesus from the get-go? He’s so incredibly human-sounding in the old testament.

            2. Is God all-powerful?

            Yes. Luke 1:37 – “For nothing will be impossible with God.”

            Yes. Philippians 4:13 – “I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”

            No. Judges 1:19 – “And the LORD was with Judah; and he drave out the inhabitants of the mountain; but could not drive out the inhabitants of the valley, because they had chariots of iron.” (Must have sacrificed one too few goats.)

            3. Has anyone seen God?

            Yes. Genesis 32:30 – “And Jacob called the name of the place Peniel: for I have seen God face to face, and my life is preserved.”

            No. John 1:18 – “No man hath seen God at any time.”

            Yes. Genesis 32:30 – “For I have seen God face to face, and my life is preserved.”

            No. Exodus 33:20 – “And he said, Thou canst not see my face; for there shall no man see me and live.”

            I think it’s fascinating God used to be so involved with mere mortals thousands of years ago. But he really hasn’t been very interactive with humanity for quite some time.

            4. Does God punish us for the sins of our fathers?

            Yes (for about 3 or 4 generations). Numbers 14:18 – “The Lord is slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, forgiving iniquity and transgression, but he will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children, to the third and the fourth generation.”

            No. Deuteronomy 24:16 – “Fathers shall not be put to death because of their children, nor shall children be put to death because of their fathers. Each one shall be put to death for his own sin.”

            5. Does God love us?

            Yes. John 3:16 – “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.”

            Yes. Ephesians 2:4-5 – “But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, evenwhen we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ— by grace you have been saved …”

            No. Leviticus 10:1-2 – “And Nadab and Abihu, the sons of Aaron, took either of them his censer, and put fire therein, and put incense thereon, and offered strange fire before the LORD, which he commanded them not. And there went out fire from the LORD, and devoured them, and they died before the LORD.”

            No. Numbers 15:32-36 – “Now while the sons of Israel were in the wilderness, they found a man gathering wood on the sabbath day… the Lord said to Moses, ‘The man shall surely be put to death; all the congregation shall stone him with stones outside the camp.'”

            No. Exodus 9:12 – “And the LORD hardened the heart of Pharaoh, and he hearkened not unto them; as the LORD had spoken unto Moses.”

            What kind of God sets people on fire when they’re just trying to make an offering to Him? Or stones people for gathering sticks on the Sabbath? Or mind-controls a monarch so that his people can suffer grevious plagues? (I mean seriously, He was killing people just to show off his powers)

            6. Does God punish the wicked in this world?

            Yes. Genesis 19:24 – “Then the LORD rained upon Sodom and upon Gomorrah brimstone and fire from the LORD out of heaven”

            Yes. Genesis 6. The entire story of Noah and the flood. God found humanity had gotten so wicked he had to just drown all but one guy and his family.

            No. Matthew 5:45 – “That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.”


            More to your other points…

            I think Isaiah 40:22 is really stretching for proof they knew of a round earth. Most translations just say circle. Nobody took it to mean sphere for years. It would’ve been amazing proof of divine inspiration had someone mentioned any of the continents across the Atlantic.

            “You missed my point in bringing up the Quran and Planck’s constant. If God lies then we can’t know anything to be true. The God of the Bible never lies and the god of the Quran does. The fact that you know anything to be true means that the god of the Quran can’t be true. In fact, only the God of the Bible never lies. All other gods ever imagined lie.”


            The God of the Bible does lie.

            Jeremiah 20:7 – “O LORD, thou hast deceived me, and I was deceived; thou art stronger than I, and hast prevailed: I am in derision daily, every one mocketh me.”

            Ezekiel 14:9 – “And if the prophet be deceived when he hath spoken a thing, I the LORD have deceived that prophet, and I will stretch out my hand upon him, and will destroy him from the midst of my people Israel.”

            I’d say these two quotes are flimsy at best. But then, so were those Quran quotes.

            How do you know that any religion conceived on this earth so far is the right one? I mean, yes, you listed why you think the other religions are wrong and why Christianity is the only remaining one without flaws (questionable, but sure we’ll go with that). But how do you know that there’s not a different “god” or force as I mentioned before that has been waiting to reveal itself. Maybe waiting for the day that everyone has cell phone cameras and instant communication so that evidence of its existence isn’t so flimsy.

            You keep saying “ad hominem” ad hominem as if that is your favorite logical fallacy. “I mean no disrespect but the universe could not have always existed” but I never said the universe always existed…?

            God did impregnate Mary against her will. Matthew 1:18 says “Now the birth of Jesus Christ was on this wise: When as his mother Mary was espoused to Joseph, before they came together, she was found with child of the Holy Ghost.” So they were getting ready to enjoy their life together but then suddenly, uh oh, nevermind, turns out I’m pregnant. The timing of this event was within a great technological window. You had the implements to write an account of this into a book (the Bible), but humanity hadn’t yet invented DNA paternity tests. Very clever, God.

            You’re asking me for evidence that pages were removed from the Bible? I dunno, man. They’d be missing. Think of the days when the only means of copying the Bible and other tomes was to write all that out by hand. You ever played a game of “telephone?” How faithfully do you think the Bible was translated and copied without error over millenia? I could go on the internet right now and make a website called “” and omit just one page of the Holy Bible or maybe shuffle some words or even verses. Would people notice? Maybe eventually. Maybe a student would cite my Bible in a paper somewhere and Google caches it. You can’t call it the inspired word of God if it’s mutable. Paper rots. People have attrocious handwriting. Translations aren’t perfect. Etc, etc…

            If praying to the Christian God actually worked, wouldn’t there be statistically less Christians that died in natural disasters than non-believers? Why would we give him credit for helping us find our car keys when he lets innocent children starve?

            He’s so perfect that he has perfectly hidden any evidence of His existence.

          • Andrew J. Corrales

            I mean no disrespect but I wanted you to give me 5 contradictions that haven’t been refuted.

            1. I already explained about free will. God did get it right on the first try, humans simply corrupted themselves.

            2. God told the Israelis to drive the Canaanites out, and He said He would, too. Obviously He saw it as a team effort. He couldn’t because they wouldn’t–not that they were limiting His power but that He controlled His own power by working through them and with them. Team efforts don’t work so well when most of the team dumps all the work on one guy–especially when that one person wants the rest of the team to work as part of the team, and isn’t willing to Superman all the problems away. If you kept reading Judges, you found that He couldn’t not only because they wouldn’t but also that He wouldn’t–not that He was unwilling to drive out Canaanites but that He didn’t want to simply just, as I said, Superman them away–He has His people tackle some problems to make them stronger, smarter, more skilled, and more virtuous.

            3. Nobody likes music by Rebecca Black or Nicki Minaj. Nobody has seen God. Of course, a few have seen God and a few like Rebecca Black’s and/or Nicki Minaj’s music. But of course so few that “nobody” can be said without real inaccuracy, as a hyperbolic figure of speech.

            You also missed where God took a human-like form to appear to Jacob, but with Moses He didn’t appear such a way.

            Let’s see. The New Testament reports prophecies, tongues, healings, and miracles. Most to all of the Church Fathers report the same things, up until about the fourth or fifth century–about the time when St. Augustine and Pelagius had their bicker over free will and Adam’s sin, and when the Roman Empire was beginning to suffer invasions. Has God then ceased to operate? By no means! Many today report miracles, indicating that God is still in the business of making them. I myself am Pentecostal and have witnessed tongues. If it has seemed to lessen then that is due to human error, such as all the various unpleasant effects of the Augustine-Pelagius debate and the invasions of the Roman Empire–popery and indulgences and the emergence of an elite clerical class (those are the obvious ones). Other reasons miraculous happenings may be less common is that you’re only likely to see them if you’re new to the faith (and therefore immature and therefore finding them necessary–more seasoned believers have stronger faith) or if you have a special calling such as prophet or apostle (both of which are greatly supported by miracles). It is therefore quite certain that God’s miraculous interventions never ceased. You simply don’t believe.

            4. Does God punish children for parental or ancestral sins? Let’s look at Numbers 14:18 in the original Hebrew. It reads: Jehovah is slow to anger, and of great kindness; bearing away iniquity and transgression, and not entirely acquitting, charging iniquity of fathers on sons, on a third, and on a fourth;

            Firstly, this phraseology “charging iniquity of fathers on sons” could again be figurative language–the preceding thing Moses said was that God doesn’t let sinners go unpunished, indicating that Moses wanted to communicate the thoroughness of the punishment involved. It is certain that how God actually has proceeded throughout the years is not punishing kids for parental or ancestral sins–and all this is presupposing we’re translating the verse right! For secondly, the words translated “charge/visit” and “iniquity” aren’t restricted to one denotation. The word “translating “iniquity” also can mean “consequences of iniquity” and the word translated “charge/visit” can also mean “observe/pay attention to.” God won’t hold your parents’ or ancestors’ guilt over your head, but He sometimes has to watch their sin have effects on your (not personally) life. For instance, alcohol or smoking or drugs causing birth complications and similar–which He is perfectly able to heal.

            5. Does God love us? You mentioned a lot of instances in which God punished people for disobeying Him–which is what all of those instances were, even the Pharaoh (if you kept reading you read the place where it says that Pharaoh had hardened his own heart in 8:15 and 32 and 9:34, so obviously God was working with Pharaoh’s free will instead of against it)–but not one in which God actually treated any people with contempt or hatred. Punishing people isn’t hatred. Only someone whose sentiments were too soft would suppose that (being too hard in your sentiments is dangerous too but that is a different story). Instead, God rebukes and disciplines those whom He loves (Proverbs 3:12). Those punishments could have been avoided if they’d obeyed God, who wants nobody to sin or die.

            6. Does God punish the wicked in this world? Only if there’s no other choice! Noah and his family were the last people alive in their day who hadn’t totally depraved themselves, and Lot was the last righteous man left in Sodom and Gomorrah. Generally, however, nobody’s that depraved and God can have mercy.

            Isa 40:22–How do you know nobody took it to mean round earth? I mean no disrespect but the idea that people believed in a flat earth until Columbus is a myth started by Washington Irving (ask Stephen Jay Gould and Jeffrey Burton Russell). Nearly everybody believed in a round world in the Middle Ages–those little round ball things kings held in their hands–each called a globus cruciger–represented the earth.

            Jeremiah 20:7–Jeremiah was praying from his heart. That doesn’t mean he was actually saying anything factual. He may have felt deceived, doesn’t mean God deceived him.

            Ezekiel 14:9–The word translated “deceived” can also mean “enticed.”

            On what basis do you say that either the Bible quotes or the Quran quotes are flimsy?

            I don’t think there is a deity or force that we don’t know of and hasn’t revealed itself yet because it doesn’t hold up. Through pure deduction we know that there must be something other than the universe–there is no naturalistic way to make the universe exist, especially in such a way that would support order and life. No supernatural entity less than a God could do it–a “force” could not cause anything unless there were already something to have effects on, and an unintelligent animate supernatural entity couldn’t make such a perfectly designed universe. That is evidence of God’s existence. You have not refuted it yet, and it is not flimsy. Therefore God has no need to wait. Furthermore, God who designed us knows of our tendency to stick to that which is familiar unless given a good reason to. He therefore knows that if anyone ever is going to accept His existence He needs to reveal Himself to us as early on in our history as possible. And He has. You simply don’t believe it.

            Ad hominem is what some things people say is–attacking people instead of their arguments. You called the Bible’s human authors troglodytes in the iron age–not only very inaccurate but also more motivated by bias against what people long ago had to say. I could say that people who lived back then who were atheists were troglodytes, but that doesn’t make it so.

            I mention the idea of the universe’s having always been there to lead up to a point–that only God can have made the universe.

            Anything is questionable, but can you actually show that there is a fault in my premises or my logic? Forgive me if that sounded rude, but you keep saying that my responses aren’t up to par. Even when you provide reasons that they aren’t, it’s usually that you misunderstand either me or the Bible.

            God didn’t “impregnate” Mary in any sense that would involve paternity tests. It was a miracle of God–not any natural process. And it was not against her will–In Luke 2:26-38, when she is told of Jesus’ upcoming birth, her two responses are, “How will this be, since I am a virgin?” and “I am the Lord’s servant; may it be to me as you have said.”

            Proof of people deleting Scripture would be discovering older versions that have parts which later versions don’t. Copying the Bible is nothing like telephone: only professional linguists were permitted, and ones taught to have great respect for Scripture, and went about it quite carefully and with great deliberation. I’d say that the Bible was very faithfully translated and copied over the millenia,with only a few mistranslations and additions, and no subtractions.

            Why do you suppose prayer doesn’t work? I mean no disrespect, but God hears all prayers; He sometimes says no.

            God’s not letting anybody starve; He commands us to feed them. It’s we who let them starve. If we obeyed Him then they’d stop starving. I mean no disrespect, but it is fallacious to blame God for when people refuse to obey Him.

            The evidence of God’s existence is everywhere–“from the center of my soul to the edge of the universe,” as the popular Christian song goes. You simply either don’t understand it, or don’t believe.

            I mean no disrespect, of course. God bless. :)

    • Noah Webster

      your comment is way over the top and blasphemy You will have to explian that comment to a Higher authority some day so start preparing an explanation now. Your gonea’ Need it Good Luck

      • Tom Derfelt

        Wouldn’t that make you superstitious to wish me Good Luck? Sounds like you’re going to need an explanation yourself. I will pray for you, friend.

  • Guest

    On Christmas morning 5 years ago, we found out that we were pregnant. At 6 weeks, on New Year’s Eve, we found out that we were expecting triplets. At 9 weeks, we found out that 2 of them were gone. Often, people don’t understand what you go through when you lose a baby early on. I didn’t understand until I went through it myself.
    In the case of multiples, there are additional aspects that you deal with. It is difficult to deal with the pain of losing your baby/babies while feeling that your remaining baby deserves to be celebrated and loved, so it is hard to fully experience and sort through the grief and the joy. You’ve lost babies, but because you still have one remaining, the lost ones are kind of forgotten. It’s not even called a miscarriage. They’re just gone.
    I also cherish my only ultrasound confirming their existence. They weren’t here long, but they will always matter to me, and I am excited to be able to meet them someday in heaven.

    • Mary Holley

      That’s a really great perspective.

    • mary baughn brixey

      wow how sad

  • Descalante

    My heart goes out to this couple….I can relate…and understand, for me and my husband and our 4yr old son (at the time), went through similar, except I miscarried at 10 weeks after a hard sneeze (2007)..we could not tell the gender because our baby being in a sack like form…we had a funeral & buried our baby in a beautiful jewel trinket box….we all took it hard…

  • Tiffanie Best

    Thank you for your family’s story..

  • Concerned American

    This was my fear…. when I passed a clot at 11 weeks.
    This really brings back the emotion to that night, waiting for the ultrasound…. to see if we still had a baby.

    • {{{HUG}}}

      • Concerned American

        That night changed me… we saw a little guy, alive. Kicking…rolling… responded to the pressure of the probe.
        My heart became adamantly pro-life in an instant.


  • Emma Hamilton

    What a beautiful though story. Appreciate the parents for sharing.

  • Emma Hamilton

    What a beautiful though sad story. Appreciate the parents for sharing. Lost a child between my two son. I understand the loss. The family is in my prayers.

  • Bella Donna

    LOOK at precious Nathan, what a BEAUTIFUL BABY.. Thank you Allison, you precious angel; I can’t find the words to express.. I am honored to have been able to read your beautiful story about Baby Nathan.. I am so sorry.

  • Julie Staley

    I had two miscarriages 8 months apart. Nobody treated them like they were real babies, not even my husband at the time. The second occurred on the day that my then sister-in-law had induced her daughter’s birth (for convenience). Because it was such a special day for them, I couldn’t even tell the family that I had lost my baby, for fear of bringing down the day for the rest of the family. I’m glad this family got a chance to honor their baby, and feel his presence in their lives.

  • Jennifer

    Thank you for sharing your story and pictures. Be always thankful that you got to meet him! God is the best caretaker you would ever want for your little boy – he is in great hands :)

  • theresa harper

    I did not get a chance they told me I couldn’t do that

  • Jane Jessee

    I lost a son on June 6, 1966: He was 12 3/4 inches long and weight 1 1/2 lbs..about the size of a Barbie Doll. I was 5 1/2 months pg. He was named and buried in the local cemetery: at the time, the nurse asked “do you want us to DISPOSE OF THIS”!! as though he was garbage!!!. We told her “NO, HE WILL BE BURIED AND NAMED”…that was so insulting and cold.

  • Debbie Broker Harvey

    Such a beautiful story of a deep sadness. Thank you for sharing with us Allison. God had made you strong & wise, and I can see he lives within your heart, just as your Nathan does. God Bless you all.

  • valinmpls

    Thank you SO MUCH for sharing your poignant story – I certainly hope that others can see that your little guy is not a lump of tissue – Nathan is a perfectly formed little person with all the same parts as we all have – He is TRULY a perfect little soul – one of God’s littlest people. Thank you again – some people just don’t get it.

  • Tanetta Addesa Maria

    I too had a vanishing twin 25 years ago. My Dr. told me ” no tears, lets not ever mention it again, we will concentrate on the healthy heartbeat now.” It took me years to share with anyone. GOD BLESS you, we will one day meet our babies

  • Lori Paulsen

    I’m really sorry for your loss…and I have no issues with you grieving and mourning however you and your family saw fit. However, I also believe that EACH family is entitled to make those decisions for themselves and their situation. When I look at your tiny little baby, I see the beautiful “potential”…the beginning of a beautiful little baby….however, it wasn’t to be. Pregnancies that don’t go to term happen for a reason…something was wrong…..and that little soul had to go back to heaven to wait for the right moment. When a woman decides to end a pregnancy the same thing happens…that little soul goes back to wait for the right moment…Other people do not have the right to dictate what someone else believes/feels in these matters….No one knows when the “soul” enters the body…we do have an idea of when it leaves. Science can’t answer these questions, some religions SAY they can….Ultimately, each family has to DECIDE what they believe….the Pro-Life position TAKES AWAY that right.

  • dn

    Bless this family for giving such a short-lived but wonderful life a dignified burial. This little boy will once again see his parents someday and be whole and well. So thankful for their faith story.

  • Mallory

    I lost both of my twins this way. My hubs and I went into an ultrasound and saw the fetal pole and our tech said my baby was measuring early and to come back in a few weeks…something wasn’t sitting right when I head that..Went in when I was supposed to be about 9 weeks, the tech had an incredibly difficult time deciphering what was going on…The “pole” was larger and looked different…but no heartbeat..and nothing decipherable on screen. We were told we were still measuring early, it happens, no cause for concern…My heat sank..My husband works out of town and I KNEW when we had conceived. there were no other possible dates..I kept telling my husband something was wrong..I could feel it..a few days later I started spotting (Wed) on Thur at work I knew something was wrong and I went to the ER because my spotting was now bleeding… Had all the tests…had an hour and a half ultrasound done…no heartbeats detected…when the dr. finally came to talk to me…he said I was measuring at 6 weeks…(based on possible dates..I should have been 10) but told me I had twins…He said that because it was a 6 week measurement that heartbeats could begin any day..but that the bleeding wasn’t a good sign.. Twins have always been my Grandmother RIP was a twin and it’s all I ever wanted ever…When I heard that I had naturally conceived twins I couldn’t help but become more and more attached to the pregnancy..By Saturday…the contractions kicked in and I spiked a fever and was beginning to realize I was going to miscarry….Sunday morning I went to the bathroom, looked, and I had passed the sac…You could see the 2 white spots that were my babies…I’ve never felt like more of a failure…like I had done something so wrong ….My heart truly broke that day…but 3 weeks later *which is an incredibly rare blessing * I became pregnant with my son who is now a healthy thriving 6 month old…<3. I feel your pain <3. Hugs and love mama!

  • Kayla Harris

    I will never forget the day I found out I was having twins and at the same time never forget the pain of being told only 1 had a heart beat. Even though I was blessed with one beautiful baby girl I still wonder and hurt thinking about her twin. Like you, I only have the one ultrasound picture of them both :-(

  • Sheryl Garth

    This story is beautiful and moves me to my core. I have not lost a child, but my 14 year old daughter was born with special needs. The doctors agree that she most likely had a stroke around 13 weeks. As I look at Nathan’s perfect form and see how tiny and fragile she was when that happened, I am overcome with emotion. Thank you for sharing your precious baby with us, and thank you for your story. I pray God’s healing touch over your family.

  • tina

    I miscarried at 14 wks my first baby and the Dr asked me if I wanted to see him and I couldn’t brinf myself to look at the time.. I have regretted that I never looked at him almost everyday since. I’m glad people can get the chance to say goodbye. A baby is a baby no matter what stage of development.

  • Philo Phoenix

    It’s all fine and good to have feelings about a fetus. Just don’t use your feelings to define the laws that other people are forced to live by.

  • Hm

    I am 14 years old and was the sister to identical quadruplets. My mother lost the first 2 babies at 4 weeks into her pregnancy. My sister, Hannah and I were the only babies left. I never even knew about the other two babies until I was 8 years old. But the sorrow was not over for my mom. Three months from the due date early on May 17th my mom knew something was wrong and rushed to the hospital. The doctors did an ultrasound and told my mom Hannah’s heart had stopped. She needed a emergency caesarean. My baby sister had died. My mom knew this was a horrible thing for me also because we were twin to twin, which means be shared everything, from oxygen to food. I was then born weighing 4 pounds and dead. The doctors restarted my heart and I was saved. I will never forget my sisters. Thank you for sharing your story, it touched my heart.

  • Susan Abbott

    I lost two babies years ago. I was not far enough along for them to be formed but there was no doubt in my mind that they were my babies and I fully expect to see them in heaven and I will know them!

  • mary baughn brixey

    such a beautiful story

  • mary baughn brixey


  • mary baughn brixey

    good story to share

  • Mark W. Mullins

    At a time when they do not call an unborn baby a live baby, they make up an eight cylinder word called Fetus, and then they can abort it with a word that only a French person should use. they don’t care for human life. This mother and father loved their baby so much, they didn’t want him to leave this world without proper honors, so this honors the baby, and the parents as well for going that extra yard. God Bless All Of You. and yes, I know this was over a year ago, but it still hurts the heart as the pain of the loss of a darling little baby stays with you.

  • ann

    My mother’s first child of nine preg was full term with underdeveloped lungs. Born in the mid 50’s. She was whisked away from my mother without her seeing or holding her. She lived 14 hrs. My mother never held her. At that time women were in wards with privacy curtains. My mother remained in the ward and had the curtains pulled around her as the other mothers got to feed their babies. She has since lost two sons, one at age 9 and one at age 59. I still cry when I think about all the pain of her loss all those years ago. The baby she never held w also buried without her present, my father had to travel several hours to our hometown for the burial before my mom was out of hospital. Thank God things have changed since then. She is never bitter, she trusts fully in God. I love her so.

  • Mary Holley

    I’m not sure what story this above comment is in reference to, but babies that have died in-utero that are under 20 weeks gestation, are, unfortunately “disposed of” (and that’s a horrible term, I know, but that’s how at least the consent where I worked, read). Most babies that deliver before that age don’t deliver “alive” anyway, because they’re not ‘old enough’ to be viable. But otherwise, if they are above the ‘age of viability’ – which I THINK is 23 weeks (last I heard), they ARE buried, and their weight doesn’t have anything to do with it. I would imagine, though, that even if the baby was less than 20 weeks, and the parents wanted to keep and bury their baby, they would (should) be allowed to.

  • Sue Williams

    My niece had Jack at 22 weeks. She had a previous miscarriag only a few weeks. But baby Jack was too early and breathes a few breaths then passed. He had congenial problem s. A tumor on his brain and other problems. If he had lived, they had planned to raise him as normally as they could. BABY Jack was buried in a city cemetery. We were so sad.