Kermit Gosnell: Best. Abortionist. Ever.

Keep smiling, Dr. Kermit. You'll be back to collecting fetuses in jars in no time.

Every time he snipped a baby’s spinal cord, he did it for women everywhere. Or something.

Keep smiling, Dr. Kermit. You'll be back to collecting fetuses in jars in no time.

Keep smiling, Dr. Kermit. You’ll be back to collecting fetuses in jars in no time.

Today, I want to tell you about a hero. A crusader. A revolutionary.

His name is Kermit Gosnell.

It’s a difficult time to be a woman. Women are marginalized and abused all over the globe. Here in America, things are no better. Last time I checked, birth control pills were almost not free. What kind of a country is this?

Thank goodness we have Dr. Kermit Gosnell.

When a “viable fetus” – I guess the right-wingers would call that a “baby” – is accidentally not aborted hard enough to be dead when it comes out, Dr. Kermit has the strength and, you know what, the love for women everywhere to finish killing it with scissors.

When women come to him more than 24.5 weeks pregnant, he says “Talk to the hand” to the state law and aborts their babies anyway. Because feminism.

Two years ago, Dr. Kermit’s clinic was shut down, and he was arrested in a gross miscarriage of justice that forced many women in Pennsylvania to continue being pregnant and – I would advise the elderly and those with heart conditions to avoid the rest of this sentence – give birth.


Happy mother with newborn baby


Seriously, what kind of country are we living in when a woman who is 25 weeks pregnant has no choice but to have a live baby? Just have it, in a regular hospital, with regular doctors, and no one around to snip its spinal cord if it manages to live? These are trying times.

I mean, it’s not like Pennsylvania has a Safe Haven law allowing women to abandon their babies at any hospital in the state without fear of criminal prosecution for up to 28 days after birth as long as the baby isn’t harmed. (Author’s note: check on this.)

And it’s not like when you google “adoption agencies philadelphia,” you get pages of results in less than a second. (Check on this too maybe?)

But you know what I think? I think this is about more than just hating women – although it’s totally about that. It’s also about hating black people.

That’s why I agree with Dr. Kermit’s attorney, Jack J. McMahon, who called this an “elitist, racist prosecution.” All these fundies and Republicans could care less about the fact that Dr. Kermit routinely stabbed “babies” in the neck and kept jars of fetus feet lying around. (Why? Because feminism, that’s why!) What they really care about is demonizing a black man.

If Dr. Kermit were a white Republican Christian man like, just for example, Chuck Norris, he’d be getting off with the equivalent of a parking ticket. “Now, now, rich white man, no more stabbing fetuses!”

"We'll see."

“We’ll see.”

In fact, there are absolutely zero white late-term abortionists who have been made targets like Dr. Kermit. (Author’s note: Is this true? Maybe check.)

Here’s the thing: we live in a country so sick, so enamored with the false idea that “life” in the “womb” is “sacred,” that Dr. Kermit had no choice but to falsify records, perjure himself, keep fetus feet in jars, and commit abortions past the legal 24.5-week limit. He didn’t do it to make money. Pssh. Seriously? Please! He did it because he cares.

This man – this brave, beleaguered man – is not just a doctor; he is a freedom-fighter. Every time he snipped a spinal cord, he did it for women everywhere. For female autonomy. For justice.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to live in a country – or in a world – where I can’t change my mind about being pregnant two months before my delivery date and find someone who will perform a dangerous and illegal procedure on me and my unborn baby that involves using scissors to make sure it’s dead.

And the women who died under his care? They were freedom-fighters too, somehow. (Work on this.)

If we let Dr. Kermit go down for his brave, selfless, brave, wonderful, brave work on behalf of women, I hate to say this, but the terrorists have won.

Hang in there, Dr. Kermit. Hang in there.

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