Pro-Life Love Stories: Why it’s important for couples to be on the same page about abortion

This weekend I am flying to Birmingham, Alabama to participate in the joining of Natalie Farber and Matthew Brumfield in holy matrimony. I am beyond excited to witness the wedding of this beautiful couple. Natalie is a dear friend of mine and fellow pro-life advocate. The soon-to-be Mrs. Brumfield is the director of the Birmingham chapter of the International grassroots pro-life organization “Bound4Life.”

Bound4Life is a movement that encourages people to pray for the ending of abortion, as well as do acts of justice and make an agreement to vote for only pro-life candidates. You may have seen their images of young people with red tape over their lips with the word LIFE written on it. Their members wear red “life” bracelets that remind them to pray a 22-word daily prayer for the ending of abortion. Over 463,000 people have committed to wearing the bracelet and praying this prayer every day: “ Jesus, I plead your blood over my sins and the sins of my nation. God, end abortion and send revival to America.”

Nat and I met years ago when I was living in Georgia and directing Bound4Life Atlanta. Our love for Disney princesses, protecting the unborn, and sleepovers helped us form an instant bond. Over the last few years, we’ve joined together multiple times to fight for the ending of abortion. Even in the last weeks until her wedding, Natalie’s been faithfully taking part in the 40 Days for Life campaign in her city.

Natalie’s prayed outside of the New Women All Women Health Care facility in BHAM for years and was privileged to witness its closing – a miracle that I believe is connected to her fervent prayers. Natalie is also a gifted writer for Bound4Life’s “ Moral Outcry” blog and a volunteer at Sav-A-Life, a local pregnancy test center in her city. Her passion shines forth as she shares truth with pregnant mothers and writes articles urging others to protect innocent life.

One day, Nat and I had a conversation about what made her fiancé different from any guy she’s dated in the past. Aside from his humility, kindness, and overall amazing personality, there was something she said about him that really stuck out to me. “He was the first guy to ask if he could pray with me outside a clinic.” Natalie’s dated guys who accepted her strong stand against abortion, but these others didn’t join in the fight with her. When Matt asked if he could come to a “silent siege prayer gathering,” she knew something was different about him.

I was thinking about Matt and Natalie a few days ago in relation to why it’s important to share pro-life views with your spouse. I’m not saying pro-lifers have to marry someone with the exact same views as they have. However, I do believe that our views on abortion are an important part of our lives. They reveal something about who we are as people and what we value. If you plan on sharing your life with someone, it might be a good thing to have similar values. When it comes to a relationship, some things are just non-negotiable. How foolish is it to care about whether a guy is tall, dark, handsome, and financially stable but not question where he stands on major social issues? Looks fade, jobs come and go, but a person with great morals and a good worldview is worth finding.

I’m in a committed relationship with my boyfriend. I frequently talk to him about the issue of abortion. It’s not by any means the only thing we talk about, but it is something I discuss. Imagine if he were opposed to my views and argued with everything I had to say. If that were the case, I’d have a hard time sharing my heart with him. It’s one thing to debate a pro-choice protester at a rally and a whole other thing to debate your spouse. That’s not something I’m interested in doing anytime soon. If something is important to me, I want to share it the person I love.

I don’t buy Starbucks coffee because of their connection with Planned Parenthood. It’s a small decision I make to stand for life. I also don’t support Susan G. Komen for the Cure or buy Girl Scout cookies. There are many companies and organizations that support Planned Parenthood, and I’ll admit I don’t avoid every single one of them. However, when the facts are clear – when a company definitely supports Planned Parenthood – I hold back my money. When I get married, my funds will be combined with my husband’s. It’ll be a lot easier for me if he isn’t angry when I get coffee from Dunkin’ Donuts. Or if I want to donate a large sum to a crisis pregnancy center, it’d be great to have his support.

Most important is the matter of children. I’ve talked to many couples who believe that after a year after marriage is the best time to have children. Another common desire among American couples is to have no more than two children. This is an accepted family size in our nation. I think having children is a wonderful thing. I applaud families who decide to do so, regardless of the number they choose. However, I am personally opposed to many forms of birth control. I have interesting thoughts on motherhood that differ from popular opinion. This makes it crucial for me to marry someone who accepts my position on these things. I’ve had women tell me they want another child, but their husbands insist they stay on the pill. I’ve heard stories of pro-life women whose husbands hinted at abortion after an unplanned pregnancy. It’s painful to be in those situations. If you can talk with your significant other about these things before marriage, it may make it easier.

I haven’t always been pro-life. Finding out I was almost aborted really changed my heart on the issue. Something I saw as a political issue become personal. If I’d been married at 22, I wouldn’t have asked my fiancé about abortion. It simply wasn’t important to me at the time. My point is this: people can change. While I don’t think we should try to change our loved ones, I do believe we can share truth with them and hope for the best.

If your loved one or spouse isn’t on the same page with your views on abortion, don’t lose hope. It is possible to have a beautiful relationship with someone who has different opinions from yours. Your stand for life could really influence that person. However, if you’re single and pro-life, I’d encourage you to wait for someone you can share the passion of your heart with.

One of the sweetest things my boyfriend has ever said to me is, “I am glad your mom chose to keep you. Maybe God saved you for me.” Those words were worth waiting for!

  • Cassandra Reich

    Christina, this is a beautiful article. It breaks my heart that more people aren’t talking about the importance of having the same morals as your spouse. You’re right to say that the focus on financial, and I would even say educational, compatibility are a little over-rated. A man with good morals and who doesn’t change his opinion based on which way the winds of political correctness are blowing is hard to find. Keep sharing the truth! You are a gift!

  • Katherine

    Thanks for writing this, Christina!

  • http://www.facebook.com/beverly.harlton Beverly Harlton

    This is so true, Christina! Before we even started dating, my boyfriend won me over by telling me how staunchly pro-life he was, and completely unsolicited, too! I knew there had to be even more good things in this young man who cared as deeply for the unborn as I did. That was three years ago. I can tell you right now that if he hadn’t been pro-life, I’d never have entertained the possibility of sharing my life with him.

  • http://www.facebook.com/jennj31 Jennifer Johnson

    To many people don’t talk about each other’s beliefs enough before they marry now a days. Or worse they think that they can over look it and maybe the other person will change their minds about certain things in the future. There are certain things that it is vitally important to relationships to be on the same page as the other person religion, political beliefs, and pro-life or not are three of the big ones you can have different ones but it always will cause problems if they are very different than your own.

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