Opinion

Pro-life teen on dealing with bullying over views

Pro-Life teen named Mary shares her thoughts on dealing with bullying one may get for sharing their personal beliefs.

Mary’s advise is:

If you’re being bullied at school because of your pro-life beliefs, you have 3 options.

Tell someone. If bullying is extreme enough to where you get shaken up about it and it’s bothering you, you need to tell. Especially if it’s physical bullying.

Ignore it. Keep on trucking right past those people. If you have no reaction to them, what do they have to work from?

Call them on it. Directly confront them and tell them that what they’re doing is wrong, why it’s wrong, and what you’re going to do if they don’t stop. (Just be sure not to threaten them!!)

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Adrrya

I have found that if you share your views in a kind and loving way, and are willing to listen to what the other side has to say and not jump to conclusions, bullying will never be an issue. In fact, I have talked with many pro choice people who have said that persistently calling them names or shoving the issue in their face all of the time will be more likely to turn them off to ever becoming pro life. Bullying for any reason is terrible though, and if it happens just keep walking with a smile on your face so the bullies know they can't affect you.
- FinalEcho
  
  "I have found that if you share your views in a kind and loving way, and are willing to listen to what the other side has to say and not jump to conclusions, bullying will never be an issue."
  
  You're saying that the victims of bullying are the ones at fault? That if they'd only been more kind, and loving, and open-minded they wouldn't have been bullied? . . . have you ever actually been to High School?
  - Adrrya
    
    Why are you jumping to that conclusion? Did you even read my next sentence? And in fact, I am 20 years old so I am currently in college and just got out of high school. If you read my sentence carefully you would have focused on the "I" in the "I have found……" I was obviously speaking from my own experiences, I never said that was ever what happens all of the time. All I was saying is that I have never been bullied for my beliefs because of the way I approach people, and was sharing that so as to maybe help others not be bullied. In fact, I followed up with "bullying for any reason is terrible though…" which obviously means I know that bullying goes on.
    I NEVER said that it was the victims fault, all I was trying to do is give advice as to how to approach people with tough issues. That's all that I was trying to do. I can't even believe you would insinuate that, as my post was in no way blaming anyone. I don't even see why you are trying to argue with me on this.
    - Adrrya
      
      I know you don't know me FinalEcho, but I guess what I want to get across to you (in a more clear and calm manner) is that I empathize with all victims of bullying, and that I in no way feel the victim is to blame. I just feel like approaching tough issues (all issues not just abortion) in a kind, respectful, and understanding manner can help lessen bullying (obviously not all of the time), and may even lead to further civil conversations which can lead to a deeper understanding, and sometimes a change of heart.
      
      I know that bullying can go on no matter what a person does, as some people can be just plain cruel (hence my last sentence in the original post). I think bullying is awful and can happen in all stages of life, not just high school, and I do not believe that it is the fault of the victim (hence the term victim). That is all, I hope I helped you understand what I meant originally :)
    - FinalEcho
      
      I actually read your original post twice to make sure I was reading it correctly. And even in this second post you still seem to imply that — even though you disagree with bullying for any reason — the victim might somehow be at fault. That maybe the reason they're being bullied is because, unlike you, they do not approach people properly. It sounds like the words of a person who has never been bullied; trying to find some sensible explanation for something largely senseless. Your advice is a great way to make friends, not to avoid being bullied. The mere insinuation that the solution to bullying is so simple as that is insulting.
      
      Bullies bully for a sense of power. A sense of control. Or in some cases, due to peer pressure. Not because you hurt their feel-bads.
      - Adrrya
        
        Did you read my third post? I feel like that more clearly shows how I feel. Once again I am just giving advice that can help but obviously is no where near the only solution. As I have stated in all of my posts, I was simply giving an example of what worked for me, I did not think anyone would interpret it as anything else but advice. There are many types of bullying, just as there are many different solutions and ways to help stop it. The way I have said is one that has worked for me and I have seen work when I suggested it to others, that is the only reason I said it.
        
        "Your advice is a great way to make friends, not to avoid being bullied." I just wanted to comment on this and say that my advice on this actually helped people in my high school. I had the wonderful opportunity to lead retreats for some of my fellow high schoolers, and I found that what I said actually worked for some of them. My words are coming from someone who has seen bullying in so many ways and actually talked to bullies since I was in a leadership position. I am obviously not an expert in the area of bullying, I am just sharing one tactic I have seen work because I do care. Oh and once again, I think in NO way is the victim at fault. I am sorry if I was not as clear originally, I did not know my post would be interpreted that way.
        
        And by the way bullying does hit close to home for me; my older sister attempted suicide when I was in middle school partly because she was bullied so badly. That is why I took so much offense to your first comment, and the fact that you said I think the victim is at fault. I know that my sister did nothing wrong and did not deserve the pain she went through, just as the other victims of bullying do not ever deserve it.
      - FinalEcho
        
        I'll buy that. Fair enough. Thanks for clearing that up.
- pnyikos
  
  Adrrya, a lot of confusion and back and forth between you and FinalEcho could have been avoided if you had phrased your first sentence thus:
  
  "I have found that if I share my views in a kind and loving way, and am willing to listen to what the other side has to say and not jump to conclusions, bullying is never an issue."
  - Adrrya
    
    Well there is nothing that I can do about that now, and the issue has already been resolved anyways.
BullyProofToday

Adrrya,
I am a bullying expert- written books on the subject- created school programs- etc.

Your approach to be kind to bullies is actually the most effective approach. Not only is this the most ancient remedy to deal with aggressive people, but it is proven to reduce bullying dramatically.

When you offer this solution, the most common attack is that you are blaming the "victim" for being bullied. It's interesting how people jump to conclusions in anger like you don't care for victims.

The solution that you are offering PROVES that you care for the victim. You are empowering them with social skills that they can use to regain contol.

For more info about this upside-down approach to end bullying go to: BullyProofToday.com

Because YOUth matter,
Brooks Gibbs
- Adrrya
  
  Well I'm glad somebody understands what I was trying to say. It definitely is not fun at all when people jump to completely wrong conclusions without clarifying first.