Issues

Sister of three aborted babies: “Our grief is real”

baby-shoes

Sara is one of many siblings of aborted babies who has struggled with the loss of their family members. She is different from Renee and Donna in that the babies she mourns were her father’s. 

She answers some questions below:

What were your feelings on abortions before you found out about losing siblings?

I was very pro-choice. I didn’t like that abortion existed, but understood that it had a place in this world and that it wasn’t my life and my place to judge another persons’ life, choice or circumstances.

How did you find out about the abortions?

I found out about my brother Jon when I was admiring a picture in my dad’s house of a hand ( presumably the hand of God) holding a baby. He and my mom have been divorced since I was very little and he told me that he got it when his girlfriend from some years back aborted their son that they were going to name Jon. I was in shock and little more was said about it. I found out about the twins very causally. We were painting a bedroom and my dad’s current girlfriend happened to mention she aborted a set of twins that were his, again I was in shock and that’s all that was said about the matter.

How has being the sibling of aborted babies affected you?

It’s taken me a while for it to sink in that I’m a sibling of aborted babies….and to accept and own that grief. it seems a lot of resources exist when the abortions are because of the mother…but very few understand what it’s like to be in my shoes. As well as being the sibling of aborted babies I have 3 babies myself lost to miscarriage and it’s made me come to terms with aspects of those losses too.

What was it like meeting other siblings of aborted babies?

Meeting Susi/Renee was amazing. She was the first person I reached out to who didn’t judge me, she understood that I could accept that abortion was necessarily in some circumstances ( life of the mother) but also be sad that  MY siblings were aborted .

What has brought you healing?

Being able to collect tangible items for my siblings and being able to name the twins and have people remember them and their lives with me.

How can the pro-life movement reach out towards people who have lost a sibling to abortion?

Realize that we come from all walks of life….that we can love and miss our siblings no matter how we feel about abortion as a whole, our grief is real…..someone is missing from our life through no fault of our own and we have to work through our own grief process about what happened and the choice someone else made.

As someone who loves a postabortion family member, how should the pro-life movement reach out to postabortion women (and men if applicable)?

If we’re reaching out to you…love us and accept us for who were are and where we are. I know my father grieves those babies that he never got a chance to know……I know he would have loved them just as much as I would have.

Can you give any advice to other siblings?

Reach out….find someone who understands.

Can you give any advice to mothers who may want to tell their surviving children that they aborted their sibling? 

Find a quiet place…speak your heart….involve the father if you can so he can tell his story too.

With over 50 million legal abortions in the years since Roe V. Wade, one can only imagine the suffering that abortion has caused those who were left behind- the mothers, the fathers, and the siblings. 

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