sad woman girl

Sometimes you just want to hear someone say, “you don’t have to do this.”

Fifteen years ago, I had an abortion that I never wanted to have. I was young and scared and wanted nothing more than to have someone tell me, “You don’t have to do this.” This is a recalling of those events and my plea for all pro-life advocates to make themselves seen at the front lines of abortion – abortion mills.

* * *
I know that I never wanted to have an abortion, but I sincerely felt there was no other way. I had a job that barely supported me and my little apartment, and the father of my child wasn’t returning my calls. All around me, my friends, fresh out of college, were starting their careers. Many were getting married, some traveled, and others sought to climb the ladder of success. I admired them all and their ambitions, so when I found out I was pregnant, all I could think of were the things I would give up and the opportunities I would miss. Even still, I never wanted to have an abortion.

I made several appointments and broke them all. I acted morose and angry in hopes that my friends would notice and ask me what was wrong. No one did. I was dying to tell someone – I wanted to share the burden. But we were all so busy at that age. Busy hanging out with our friends and making our plans for the future.

When I called the abortion mill to make a third appointment, the woman warned me that the longer I dragged it out, the more “far along things get,” and that the procedure would cost more money. A lot more money. More money than I had. I felt pressured to hurry up and make a decision I never wanted to make. I honestly thought for a while that if I ignored things, they would go away, or at least solve themselves. I’d be too far along for an abortion. But the woman taking my appointment snapped me out of that quick by telling me time was running out. I made the appointment and thought, This is it, no going back… Unless…

And here is where my mind went wildly racing…

Unless I pull into the parking lot and am met by screaming pro-lifers waving pictures of aborted babies and calling me names like “slut” and “tramp.”

I imagined an entire scenario in my mind where I was victimized and chased off by these fanatical Christians and missed my appointment and now it was too late. People would feel sorry for me instead of thinking I was a whore.

Yes, in my youth I was a pro-abortion advocate, and I thought that all pro-life advocates were crazy religious zealots who foamed at the mouth and spewed Bible verses like profanities…like a pro-life version of the Westboro Baptist Church. God Hates Whores!

This is a common stereotype that pro-abortion advocates have about pro-life folks because, honestly, this is how a lot of pro-choice supporters debate. I debated this way myself, by being louder and more vulgar than my opponent, who would just give up frustrated and walk away. I actually considered it “winning” when this happened.

So I can sympathize to some extent when I hear pro-abortion advocates vilify pro-lifers. Immediately it tells me two things about them: they have never honestly spoken to a pro-life advocate, and this is how they themselves debate. I can adjust my behavior accordingly and prepare myself for the verbal lashing.

So yes, I had decided that if I drove to the clinic and there were angry pro-lifers frowning at me and pelting me with Bibles, I would turn around and go home. In fact, on the drive there I actually prayed that there would be angry pro-lifers drunk on their own piety, waiting there for me…like vultures. Please please please, God, let there be Your people standing in between me and the door to the clinic.

In fact, I was so convinced there would be a pro-life presence I drove right by the place. Twice. It was such a quiet, unassuming gray building. This couldn’t be the place, I thought. But I drove by one more time and checked the number on the front of the building – it didn’t have the clinic’s name on the building or on any sign – before finally putting my car in park. Then I waited.

And waited.

I was still convinced they were there…somewhere. Hiding in the bushes, perhaps. Or sitting in their parked cars, reading the Bible, waiting for people to pull up, and then they would jump out of their cars and swarm around mine like a pitchfork-wielding mob. I waited five minutes. And I prayed the whole time that they were there. Then I waited five more minutes. Maybe they were just running late.

Nothing.

And you know the rest of the story. No one was there. Not a single living soul told me I didn’t have to do this. No one in the clinic told me otherwise, either, of course. They took it at face value that if I was there, I had already solidly made up my mind. But the truth is, I could have been talked out of it quite easily at any given minute.

Sad, really – even up to that point, I was still looking for an excuse not to take responsibility for my own actions. I could have very easily looked up the number to the local crisis pregnancy center and called them. I could have found someone to talk me out of it. Maybe the clinic’s workers’ assumptions were correct after all…my mind was made up. But that doesn’t mean it couldn’t have been changed.

I do not blame pro-lifers for not being at that clinic in Virginia some fifteen years ago. I don’t even blame the clinic workers for not telling me about social services and their programs. All the information was there, readily available if I had sought it. But I didn’t. No, the responsibility was all mine.

So why am I sharing this deeply personal story with you? I am telling this story for two reasons, and neither of those reasons is to cast blame.

I tell this story to illustrate how critically important it is that we, who call ourselves pro-life, be physically active and audibly vocal in the pro-life movement. We must go beyond the voting booth and the bumper sticker on our cars. We must, we must, we must be a physical and prayerful witness at abortion mills, prayer vigils, and at pro-life masses, marches, and rallies.

Even if all you can commit to is one hour a month, I urge everyone reading this to spend that hour silently praying in front of your local abortion mill. Just be there. Even if no one approaches you, be there. Even if people drive by and swear at you, be there. Even if it’s pouring down rain, be there.

And lastly, I write this for those who regularly make vigil outside their local abortion mill and may be feeling discouraged. During the 40 Days For Life campaign, we often read encouraging stories of women who spoke with sidewalk counselors and decided not to abort. Then they went on to name their babies after the people who changed their hearts. And everyone says, “Praise Jesus! Amen!” at the job well done.

But really, it’s rarely like that. Usually you stand out there for days or months at a time, silently enduring verbal abuses, and never know the impact of your presence. What you don’t know is that there may be one girl driving down the road who might have just kept on going by instead of pulling into the parking lot just because she saw you standing there. To you, she’s another face traveling down a road. To her, you are silently reassuring her that “you don’t have to do this.”

Be encouraged.

  • Pingback: Sometimes you just want to hear someone say, “You don’t have to do this.” | Foundation Life

  • peach

    You did take responsibility for your actions. You say you didn’t want to have an abortion, but you never said you wanted to have a pregnancy either. You wanted it to just go away.
    I’m sorry you regret your choice, but there are a lot of women waiting to hear just the opposite of what you wanted. They want someone to tell them that abortion is a valid option and it’s okay for them to get one. Some of the women that drive by the clinic and see protesters may keep driving by not because they are reassured, but because you’re making them feel embarrassed, shamed and even scared for their safety. That’s not helpful to these women. It’s at best a shallow victory for you.  

    • Sam

      How many women do you know who regret keeping their child?

      I really don’t think I know any myself, I’m sure you must know a few right? a dozen or so?

      • http://thehomesickhome.blogspot.jp/ L.

        I know a few.

        • Sam

          So they seriously see their kids, and say, “I should have aborted you” ?

    • ninek

      I will never tell a woman that it’s the “best thing” to kill her child.  It’s never valid, it’s never OK.  It’s normal to feel ashamed to be killing your child.  Shame has a purpose.  (Shame, yes, can become pathological.  Some people do wallow too much in their own shame for whatever psychological reasons.)  But it’s not helping women to tell them that destroying the newest members of their families will improve their lives.  It won’t.  It won’t get them out of a bad relationship.  It won’t win them the job or man of their dreams.  It will only destroy the small human being that is related to them by DNA.  Scientific, irrefutable, DNA. 

      Also, information has been published about Japanese women who regret their abortions.  Even though there is no “shaming” of women in Japan, they still struggle with the aftermath.  So you see, it is not pro-lifers who MAKE people ashamed of feticide: it is your own instinct, prompted by your own DNA. 

      • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thecrescat Katrina Fernandez

        I concur. Murder is never a valid option. 

        • Sharon Rose

          Yet you chose it when it suited you — you’re a murderer — worse, a woman who murdered her own children. 
          Pretty harsh, right? But those are your words. Frankly, you’re a monster. Yet now we’re all to listen to you, to praise you for your courage and bravery — courage and bravery for what? For murdering your children when it suited you and then pimping out your shame now that that’s the thing that gets you praise and glory?

          • Ninek

            You better tell all those reformed drug addicts and alcoholics to stop working at rehab facilites, because obviously nobody is allowed to mature, grow, learn, or change their minds…

          • Sharon Rose

            That’s not the point — the point is that it seems women who’ve aborted it want to have it both ways — they reap the benefits of their abortions at the time, and then it’s the gift that keeps on giving when they get to reap the benefits of playing the victim  down the road. 

            If a person who has aborted wants to use words like “murder”, then they’d better be prepared to own the word regarding their own actions instead of playing the victim and the martyr. 

            Where’s the praise for women who didn’t abort, who kept their children?

            Oh, they’re those “single mothers” the right sneers at.

          • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thecrescat Katrina Fernandez

            I do own those words. I used those words verbatim in my first post appearing in Live Action. 

            I did not reap benefits from abortion. My decision was a desperate one made without full knowledge and in hindsight I write to prevent women from making the same mistake. The suffering I felt afterward was hardly a benefit. 

            Oh, and I am a single mother and conservative. No one sneers at me. I think you are projecting and seemed to filled with much hate and vitriol. 

            Women who don’t abort are indeed praised all the time, in fact motherhood is a deeply honored vocation – except by feminists who view motherhood as not “real work” and children as “burdensome”, like our dear president is quoted to say.

          • Sharon Rose

            Hmm, I haven’t been a single mother for several decades now, and I’m a conservative, so I’m not the one projecting. 

            Hate & vitriol? Because I don’t like your rhetoric and I don’t like your agenda?

            What about your words right now? They’re sounding pretty venomous? 

          • Sherry

            So you’re thinking that she’s telling all this pain that she experienced just to get attention? No one should ever recognize they’ve done wrong and put it into words so that someone else might see themselves and say “Hey, that’s me too.”  What exactly are you angry that she did? Repent?  Tell of her great hopes and private pain?  What was the “proper” response according to you? 

             I believe we’re supposed to rejoice that someone finds grace rather than sneer…and there is greater rejoicing in Heaven over one pentitent sinner than over 99 righteous souls…I believe someone said that….now who was it…oh yes…Luke 15:7

          • Sharon Rose

            I’m not angry. That’s you ppl. 

            I find it difficult to believe that a woman who flings the word “murder” at young girls who are going through a terrifying enough time in their lives is really all about kindness and concern and hoping to help them. 

            Save your Christian jargon for those who care. 

          • Jeanne Chabot

            What do you think she is doing?  Appealing to people exactly in the same position she was so many years ago, who DON’T really want to go through with an abortion, who WILL really regret it and suffer for it for the rest of their lives… Do you think she wants others to go through what she did?  THIS is why she is telling her story, so THEY don’t have to go there too.  And if YOU don’t care, you don’t have to be here, reading this.

            And by the way, there is forgiveness and redemption for everyone, including yourself if you need it.

          • Leetrottdvm

            She’s not enjoying the consequences of her mistake.  Neither am I.  I wish someone had been on that sidewalk on June 28, 1999 to help me.  Deep in my heart I was hoping someone would stop me.  Those people who spend hundreds of hours in all extremes of weather outside of abortion clinics do not traumatize frightened young women.  They are loving and compassionate.The media fabricates that image. Go see for yourself.

          • Anonymous

            Exactly! And they get criticized for needing any kind of help from the government, too. Thanks for sharing your story; you make some really good points. 

          • grdawg

            Well, speaking as a conservative and a pro-lifer, not all of us would criticize these women from needing government help.  In fact, I know plenty of us who would encourage them to get the help they need.  Just because some people abuse the system certainly doesn’t mean that they all do.  I think the main difference is that we believe in a hand up, not just a hand out.  

          • http://twitter.com/CalFreiburger Calvin Freiburger

            I suppose some verification that the Right “sneers” at single mothers would also be too much to ask for….

            And blasting “the right”? I thought below you said “I’m a conservative.” Having trouble keeping your stories straight…?

          • Sharon Rose

            You should hear Ann Coulter and Michelle Malkin on single mothers. 

          • http://twitter.com/CalFreiburger Calvin Freiburger

            I know the Coulter book/argument you’re referring to, and though it was delivered in her sometimes-bombastic style, it wasn’t a blanket condemnation of all single mothers. It was a case about the societal impact of raising children without fathers and the romanticizing of fatherlessness.

          • Sharon Rose

            It was plenty sneering, though, as has been Malkin’s rhetoric, among others.

          • Sharon Rose

            Being a conservative and “the right” are not the same thing. Having trouble keeping your political views straight? 

          • http://twitter.com/CalFreiburger Calvin Freiburger

            No, I just recognize when people claiming to be conservatives are either faking it, or mean something completely different by the term.

          • Sharon Rose

            Yes, by conservative I don’t mean right wing religious kook. 

          • Dadrules2

            “That’s not helpful to these women. It’s at best a shallow victory for you. ”

            Saving human life is never a shallow victory. It is a victory to be rejoiced.  

          • http://twitter.com/CalFreiburger Calvin Freiburger

            This comment is a depressing example of what happens when hate poisons perception.

          • Sharon Rose

            She used the word murder in reference to something she’s telling the world she did herself. 

            Why is it bad to point that out? And to then think there’s something wrong with flinging that word around yet wanting to be praised for doing it herself?

          • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thecrescat Katrina Fernandez

            You’re right. I suppose you’ve never done anything that needs forgiveness. How very nice for you. I bid you good day. 

          • Sharon Rose

            Wow, you really want it both ways.

            If you’re really all about forgiveness, why use a word like “murder” when you’re trying — according to you — to reach out to scarred girls?

            On the one hand, in your original piece, you claim you were hoping for that kind of rhetoric so you could use it to your advantage in choosing to abort, and now, on the other hand, you’re using it yourself all in the hopes of preventing another young woman from doing what you did. 
            That’s pretty bizarre logic. 
            Also, I would think if you’d been forgiven from doing something so horrific, you’d be less likely to use such harsh terminology. 

          • MichelleMarie

             Um… the only bizarre logic I see around here is your comment, unfortunately. She’s asking to be forgiven for murder, which she owns that she has done. In order for forgiveness to take place, there first has to be the confirmation of a wrong that has taken place (in this case, murder). No wrong, no forgiveness necessary… so to have the healing benefits of forgiveness, you actually have to name the transgression that has taken place. That’s why she’s calling a spade a spade.

            Actually, what I got from Katrina’s piece is that she was hoping for the anti-abortionists to be present so she could have the opportunity to change her mind about aborting, not so that she could feel a victim while still going ahead with the abortion.

            I feel like I’m playing into a troll here… guys? Oh well, it keeps my logic muscles working, I guess.

          • Anna

             Well, given that we are all responsible for the death of Jesus, you and I as much as the soldier who drove the nails, I’d think a bit less venom is in order here – unless no one should listen to anyone else on any topic of virtue at all.  The ground is level at the foot of the cross.

          • Sharon Rose

            That doesn’t really work when you’re speaking to a non-Christian. 

          • Fr233065

            You’re not a Christian?! Ya don’t say?!
            That much is obvious from your participation in this thread. 

          • Sharon Rose

            Yes, those Christians have been so full of the love of Jesus Christ, haven’t they? And I’m the one who’s “laughably ridiculous” (a pathetic last ditch retort by someone who realizes just how ridiculous she is when she claims Christian forgiveness on the one hand and screeches “murder” on the other). I’ve had my fill of Christian rhetoric and values. I’ve seen those in action. No thanks, buddy. You can keep all that. 

          • http://twitter.com/CalFreiburger Calvin Freiburger

            “love of Jesus Christ” doesn’t mean “take smears and hatred lying down.”

          • Stoneybrooke

            I don’t know. What about that “turn the other cheek” part of the Bible?

          • ChibiViolet

             http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turning_the_other_cheek#Literal_interpretation

          • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thecrescat Katrina Fernandez

            Yes. It is my shame and guilt to live with forever. My story was published so other girls may avoid the same pain, shame, and guilt I endured. Before I realized Christ has forgiven me, the pain and suffering was Hell on earth. I wouldn’t want my worst enemy to endure an abortion. So I spoke out. You can call me all the names in the world you want. You’re opinion is one that matters not to me. I am writing not for you, but to expose the true harm abortion causes women. 

          • Sharon Rose

            You were the one to throw the word “murder” into the mix. Now I’m name-calling when I remind you that you’re the one who murdered her child? So murder works as a scare tactic when YOU want to push your agenda, but it’s name-calling when someone reminds you that you’re the one who had the abortion?
            That’s the problem with using words like “murder”. Is that the kind of emotionally charged rhetoric you want to scare off a scared young pregnant woman with?

          • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thecrescat Katrina Fernandez

            I used the word to apply to myself and my actions. It’s always a negative word to describe a horrific action no matter how or who uses it. I was referring to you calling me a monster. 

            I think you are working yourself up and it’s effecting your memory. 

          • Sharon Rose

            Yes — that was hyperbole, as indicated by my “pretty harsh” comment. 

            I don’t think murder is a useful word if you really want to reach frightened young women. And if you’re going to use it, you have to follow through on it — if what you did is murder, and if women who murder their own children are monsters (typical rhetoric when describing someone like Casey Anthony, for example), then it’s the natural extension of your word. 
            Do you see how counterproductive a word like “murder” is? 

          • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thecrescat Katrina Fernandez

            Using the word “murder” is aptly describing abortion because that is what a termination of life is. Scared young girls deserve the truth too. I’m not sure what you are advocating. Should they be denied the truth because you think the word “murder” is scary?

            Let’s call abortion what it is. MURDER. 

             Making informed decisions requires all the information and terminating a pregnancy and ending a life is murder. It’s the ugly truth, and a truth that helps make an informed decision.      

          • peach

             Then you should be in jail.

          • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thecrescat Katrina Fernandez

            Abortion is legal. Legal murder. But legal none the less. 

          • peach

             How convenient for you.

          • http://twitter.com/CalFreiburger Calvin Freiburger
          • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thecrescat Katrina Fernandez

            Sadly, it was convenient. All too convenient. However convenient and legal abortion is,  it still makes is completely wrong. I will write about how damaging abortion is to women and their spirits as long as their is life in my body. If it makes you & Ms. Rose feel better to humiliate me and call me monster – because the idea of forgiveness and redemption and learning from past mistakes seems to be lost here – then so be it. Really it matters not. The things I say need to be said. Daily if need be.    

          • Sharon Rose

            So you got away with murdering your child…howabout the one you still have? Does he or she have to worry about your murderousnature? 

          • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thecrescat Katrina Fernandez

            LOL! You are laughably ridiculous!

          • Sharon Rose

            Sonow you’re nota murderer? Which is it?

          • peach

            In reply to Calvin: http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2011/jun/24/america-pregnant-women-murder-charges

            About 50 Chileans, most of them poor women, are prosecuted each year for
            having or carrying out abortions. Few spend more than a few days in
            jail. Conservatives say that only by stiffening the penalties can the
            practice be deterred. http://www.nytimes.com/1998/08/09/world/abortion-debated-in-chile-where-it-s-always-a-crime.html?pagewanted=all&src=pm

          • http://twitter.com/CalFreiburger Calvin Freiburger

            I don’t know what you think you’re refuting.

          • peach

             the link you posted earlier

          • http://twitter.com/CalFreiburger Calvin Freiburger

            So you’re saying what people advocate IN CHILE somehow reflects on pro-lifers in the US?

            Wow, that’s insipid even by pro-abort standards. I marvel at your thought processes, I really do. “This article has the word ‘conservative in it! It MUST prove what I want it to prove!”

          • peach

            ? I’ve seen how your logic works (it doesn’t) so don’t insult me (plus, you sound like a jerk). Pro-lifers always go on about how well illegal abortion works in Chile so I looked at Chile just like you guys do. And it does reflect pro-life in general. They found just making it illegal doesn’t deter it. So they want to make jail sentences for women who abort longer. You say you only want to punish the abortion doctors? Well what about women who self-abort? And you conveniently ignored the first article i linked to.

          • http://twitter.com/CalFreiburger Calvin Freiburger

            “you sound like a jerk” 

            I only get frank about the dishonesty and idiocy of people’s
            arguments after they’ve shown they’re arguing in bad faith.

            You’ve proven nothing. Chilean politicians advocating
            jailing women does not demonstrate that American pro-life activists want to
            jail women. At least, it doesn’t in the minds of honest people. Neither does a
            questionable prosecution in Mississippi.

          • peach

             Maybe you don’t want women to go to jail, and that’s great in theory, but what’s happening in Chile and Mississippi shows what happens in practice. 
            And you weren’t being frank. You were being a jerk.

          • http://twitter.com/CalFreiburger Calvin Freiburger

            No, I’m standing up to pro-murder dishonesty.

          • Sharon Rose

            So when a pregnant girl hears your cries of “Murder!” at the abortion clinic and rejects prolifers because of your rhetoric (just as you had hoped to be able to do — thereby wiggling out of any responsibility for your murderous action), you  have no problem with that — you’ll own that action, too, right?

          • MichelleMarie

            (Sorry to be discussing this so casually, Katrina) but I take exception to branding someone who murders a “monster” – the crime has its levels of severity recognized even in a court of law, i.e. first-degree, second-degree, manslaughter, crimes of passion, etc… the title of “monster” is usually saved for the psychopath, and psychopaths have specific, measureable characteristics that young, scared pregnant women simply don’t have. The act of murder has taken place, yes – but the level of severity of the crime and culpability of the person is different and should be treated differently, of course. That shouldn’t stop us from calling a spade a spade, a murder a murder.

            The only person who is insinuating they should be called monsters is you, in fact, by your faulty logic.

          • peach

             I don’t think you’re a murderer Katrina. Nor do I think you’re a monster. I admire that you have the strength to share your story and I do think it’s worth hearing. But do you see how stressful this conversation is? How controversial? How you’re feeling humiliated and shamed? This is not the kind of thing to bring up to a vulnerable woman outside of an abortion clinic. In the age of the internet, you can bet the majority of women aren’t going into a clinic with a lack of information. If she is doubting her decision to have an abortion, I hope she can find help and maybe she’ll even stumble upon this article and find strength, but it’s her decision alone to make. And I wish the same for a woman who wants an abortion but is afraid to access one. I want her to be able to carry out whichever choice she makes and have support along the way.

          • Anonymous

            Exactly.

          • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1557361413 Laura Lowder

             Boy, aren’t you one hostile individual!

            You think Kat’s getting “glory” for this post? No! Admiration for having the guts to face her past, for having a conscience that allows her to experience remorse – and, yes, courage for being a personal testimony against the rhetoric of the pro-abort liars who say there’s no such thing as post-abortion grief.

            Don’t you realize that women *choose* because too often other choices are hidden from them? They can be like cattle herded down a loading chute, prevented by the chute from escaping to the liberty of the pasture they just left, or indeed from even seeing it again.

            Or are you as insensitive and lacking in compassion as you are full of hostility?

          • Sharon Rose

            Oh, your response wasn’t “hostile” at all. 

            Everything you say is true — women can be manipulated and coerced, even forced, into all kinds of choices when they find themselves alone and frightened. This I know. 
            I suggest you work on your own sensitivity and compassion issues before you worry about mine. 

          • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thecrescat Katrina Fernandez

            At least she had class enough not to personally attack you or call you a monster. But whatevs. 

          • Sharon Rose

            Yes, but then you were the one to cry “murder” first. If you want to call other women who’ve aborted murderers (which is essentially what you did) then you can’t really complain about other people’s claims. 
            Plus, women who murder (your word, not mine) their children are monsters — wouldn’t you say? Or are mentally ill, perhaps. 
            Are you still defending your use of the word “murder” and all the implications it brings?

          • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thecrescat Katrina Fernandez

            Yes. Abortion is murder. I will not sugar coat or compromise on this. 

          • Sharon Rose

            Fine. And  you’re a murderer. Why are you so uptight about being called exactly what you are? You’re a murderous woman who killed her own flesh and blood. Own it before you point your finger at others. You and, say, Aileen Wournos — same thing, right?

          • Tweje

            You are a hateful shrew.

          • Sharon Rose

            At least I’m not a murderer!

          • FB1231

            Yes, she murdered.  She realizes what she did and she regrets it.  She’s trying to do something about it.  That’s what matters now.  Ever heard of forgiveness?

          • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1557361413 Laura Lowder

             And just how do you suggest she should be feeling/speaking/acting, now? Because what you’ve said so far isn’t helpful to the dialogue.

          • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1557361413 Laura Lowder

             Part 2 of response –
            Yeah, I’m a bit ticked off at you. Kat’s a friend of mine and you attacked her. You got a problem with that?

          • Mfskrobola

            Sharon,
            You are a desperately unhappy person who needs help.  I’ll pray for you.Marie

          • Sharon Rose

            Ah, the Christian “eff you”, roflmao! 

            Such charity!

          • http://twitter.com/CalFreiburger Calvin Freiburger

            Because clearly, charity is a concept you value deeply.

          • Sharon Rose

            It’s called sarcasm. 

          • http://twitter.com/CalFreiburger Calvin Freiburger

            As was my reply.

          • Thanasit

            Sharon Rose, you hypocritical moron.
            I pray God is more merciful than you.  But, I fear not.  “Blessed are the merciful, for THEY shall be shown mercy”.  If this posting is any indication of how merciful you are, I wouldn’t bet on it.

          • 12angry_men

            Was that necessary at all? You and I both know it wasn’t. Don’t waste your breathe praying for someone if you are going to all but condemn them. It is quite hypocritical and frankly, sick that you would use God to mock someone in this way.

          • Sharon Rose

            Oh, that wasn’t hypocritical at all…

          • Pansy Moss

            Sharon Rose,
            And how should she continue on this journey if this way is all wrong?

            “In the same way I tell you, there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner repenting than over ninety-nine upright who have no need of repentance”
            ~Luke 15:7

          • Sharon Rose

            Christian nonsense doesn’t affect me in the least. You’ll have to save bible quotes for other Christians. 

            She should try not to fling around words like “murder” if she sincerely wants to reach out to frightened young women who are contemplating the choice she made. 

            I would think true repentance would include a sincere attempt from refraining from the kind of condemnation she’s theoretically free from now that she’s been “forgiven”. When you use inflammatory, accusatory words like murder in the very same breath you’re also supposedly offering a loving, non-judgmental alternative to abortion to a girl, you end up looking like a hypocrite (at best). 

          • MichelleMarie

             Nope, true repentance involves recognizing that what you’ve done is wrong, naming it, and providing the truth in love in order to prevent more pain and horror from taking place.

          • Megan

            “Let anyone who is without sin cast the first stone.”
            I agree, what she did was very wrong. But seriously, what makes her sin greater than yours? Is she beyond the mercy of God? (no, and neither are you). Paul was also a murderer, and God forgave and redeemed him. Don’t be so quick to condemn. Apart from Christ, she, you, and I are all equally guilty.

          • Sharon Rose

            She’s talking murder. Who did I murder?

            The sin stuff doesn’t mean anything to me. It must be nice to have a god that forgives from on high all these terrible things and still lets the forgiven person use condemning, accusatory rhetoric when speaking to other people who’re only doing what they themselves did. 
            Just be a Christian and you never have to be responsible for anything, plus you get to point your finger at other people. In Jesus’ name. Amen. 

          • FB1231

            Being a Christian doesn’t mean you’re not responsible for your actions.  In fact, it requires you to accept that you did wrong and it was indeed your fault – your responsibility.  It means you’re forgiven.  Christians aren’t perfect, nor do we claim to be.

            She’s trying to help young women from the same mistake she made, not for the sake of being accusatory.  Face it, sometimes the truth hurts.

            And yes, in Jesus’ name. Amen!

          • FB1231

            It’s comments like this that make me understand why some pro-choicers say we hate women.  If we’re not willing to forgive repentant post-abortive women, then their arguments that we only care about the aborted child are truer than they should be.  I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t want someone hounding me about something that I regretted so much.

            The past is the past.  She’s learned from it and is doing all she can to show her regret.  Confessing a wrongdoing you regret so much is more painful than one might expect.

            Peace.

          • FB1231

            Sorry, at this first comment I assumed you were pro-life, the context is a bit off now, but the 2nd paragraph still holds for you and the first works for any prolifers who feel that regretful post-abortive women are monsters…

          • grdawg

            I think you realized this later on, but I’m pretty sure the person you’re replying to is not pro-life.  She doesn’t represent our views on women who are post-abortive.  There are many, many pro-life ministries for post-abortive women.  We should be more open about welcoming them, but I feel like most pro-life people definitely do.

          • Sharon Rose

            -
            I think you realized this later on, but I’m pretty sure the person you’re replying to is not pro-life.  She doesn’t represent our views on women who are post-abortive. –

            So a woman who DOESN’T abort because she is genuinely prolife, even when it’s inconvenient and turns her life upside down, isn’t “prolife” in YOUR eyes because she “doesn’t represent YOUR views on women who are POST-ABORTIVE”?

            Okay. So murder your baby, and then say sorry afterwards and you’re legitimately prolife, but DON’T murder your baby and you’re not prolife. Sure. That works. And you still can’t figure out why a lot of people distance them from the official ProLife Movement. Here’s a clue: it’s the hypocrisy and the vicious treatment you mete out to anyone who doesn’t mindlessly parrot your hateful rhetoric. 
            But I get it now — it’s better to abort your baby and say “sorry” afterwards than to actually have your baby. Abort your baby and say “sorry” and you’re put on a pedestal, have your baby and you’re sneered at. Got it. Good to know. 

      • peach

         I’m not sure why you put “best thing” in quotations because I didn’t say that anywhere.

        “It won’t get them out of a bad relationship.  It won’t win them the job or man of their dreams.” I also didn’t say this anywhere. That doesn’t even make sense. But abortion might allow them to continue their education or not have to take time off work. It might save them from stress and financial strain. It might give them a chance to grow up and become ready for a family if they so choose. And having an unwanted, unplanned baby certainly won’t improve a woman’s life. You think if a woman in a bad relationship becomes pregnant, her partner is suddenly going to become less abusive?

        • MoonChild02

           A woman in a bad relationship needs leave her partner immediately. I know it’s difficult, I’ve seen it, I’ve helped women in these situations. However, if he’s hurting her, and aborts the child thinking it will help her, or believing that doing so is protecting the child, then she obviously recognizes that she’s in an abusive relationship and needs to get out of it, and should have the courage to get herself out of that situation.

          As for education, work, and financial issues, there’s always adoption, or child care and other services provided by social programs, family, friends, church programs, and pregnancy resource centers. Most women are scared when they become pregnant, even if they’re married and in a stable position in their life. Throughout the pregnancy, a bond forms, and the fear often fades away.

          As Patricia Heaton says, “A woman experiencing an unplanned pregnancy deserves to experience an unplanned joy.”

          • Anonymous

            Here’s the thing about that–even if she leaves her abusive partner, if she has his baby, she will never be able to be truly free of him. If she hasn’t filed any reports or charges against him for domestic violence, then he would have every legal right to sue for shared custody of the kid. 

          • http://twitter.com/CalFreiburger Calvin Freiburger

            So I guess that means if your father was a rapist, then you’re not *really* a human being and you don’t have rights, eh?

          • peach

            How the heck did you come to that conclusion?

          • http://twitter.com/CalFreiburger Calvin Freiburger

            By reading that if someone is a product of rape, that apparently means he or she can be killed so that the mother can “be truly free of” the rapist.

          • Sharon Rose

            No, she said if she hadn’t filed appropriate charges against him, he would have a better claim to custody of that child. 

          • Sharon Rose

            Ya, that was some pretty stunning pretzel logic there…

          • MoonChild02

            She should go to the police, and tell them that she has been abused, show them her bruises (yes, some men know how to not leave bruises, but there’s still tenderness, which can be assessed), have herself analyzed by a psychologist, and press charges. That way, she could also get a restraining order against him for her and her child. Also, women and children shelters and safe havens help with those sort of situations.

            The same problems of custody crop up when there are already children in the relationship. In those cases, it is not legal to kill the children to spare them from the pain. The best a mother can do is press charges and try to get her and her children far, far away from the abuser. If he does get visitation rights, she can always ask for him to have supervised visits. She can even put a nanny-cam in a favorite stuffed animal, or in the diaper bag, to prove that he’s an abuser.

            One should not kill another person to keep the second person safe, when there are ways around it. Sandra Cano, Doe of Doe v. Bolton, never even got an abortion for that reason. Yes, that was the premise of the whole case, but her lawyer tricked her into signing that paper, putting it between the divorce papers. She never believed in abortion, despite being abused by her ex-husband.

            In fact, that was the whole premise behind the maternal custody laws that the original feminists worked so hard to pass: to allow mothers custody, and get the children away from abusive fathers.

          • grdawg

            We need to encourage women to file reports.  If she leaves him, the people she goes to need to help her file a report.  

        • MichelleMarie

           An “unwanted, unplanned baby” is still a human. (Seriously, when are we going to stop taking it upon ourselves to decide who’s fit and unfit to live, to see the light of day???) And it’s wrong to kill a human. Even if this might save someone from stress and financial strain (at first).

        • Leetrottdvm

          Based upon that justification (what abortion might allow), terminating the life of a toddler might save his mother from stress, financial strain, etc…why not go ahead and knock off her invalid mother and dead-beat husband as well?  This is not a legitimate argument for abortion.

      • http://thehomesickhome.blogspot.jp/ L.

        Do you have a link to the Japanese information? I live in Japan and am very interested in reading it. 

        I know dozens of women who have had abortions – but it’s misleading to say there is no shame in here because there’s a LOT of “slut-shaming” of women who have sex outside of marriage, so most unmarried women consider their abortions to be deep dark secrets.

        • Ninek

          I will try to find the Japanese article, but I’m on a different computer from where I read it; I think I found it via LifeSite news or something similar.  I’ll try to come back here again with the link. 

          Shame is differently expressed, I think you make a valid point.  In the US, we are accused of shaming abortion-minded women and/or post-abortive women.  That’s true, it does happen.  However, I think that shame is a natural human reaction in many cases.  I’m not anthropologist, but I suspect there is some evolutionary advantage to a female that feels shame over promiscuity.  I am sure there is an evolutionary advantage to a female that protects rather than discards her children: her DNA is passed on.  Since the DNA tells the organism to grow sex organs, I feel confident saying that DNA also prompts the drive to reproduce.

          • peach

             There is reason to believe that there is an evolutionary advantage to females that protect their young. But evolution also suggests it’s advantageous for males to have sex with every female they see. Do you see how in society today, evolutionary psych can’t really be applied?

      • Anonymous

        Just out of curiosity, do you even know what DNA actually is? You know what else has human DNA? All of those skin cells we lose every day. And through the technology of cloning, each of those cells could theoretically become a new human. Does that mean we have to save all of our discarded cells?

        • http://twitter.com/CalFreiburger Calvin Freiburger

          Scientifically-illiterate straw-man alert!

        • FB1231

          One, the DNA of the fetus is unique from the mother’s and is thusly a different human being.  Our skin cells are parts of us.

          Two, even if our skin cells were unique like the fetus’ cells, we don’t really have control over that.  It’s not the conscious decision of abortion.

          So, your skin cell argument is like comparing murder to natural death (to a certain extent)

          Regarding cloning, it is indeed theoretical and nothing more.  The fetus is already alive and developing, while discarded skin cells (with the potential of cloning) are not.

        • grdawg

          Uh, we’re not talking about cloning here.  You know as well as I do that no one is cloning skin cells to make new humans, so let’s not discuss something you don’t even know is actually possible (vs. just theoretical).  At the moment of fertilization, an ACTUAL new human being is created.  Pick up any embryology, genetics, or biology textbook – from practically any era in the U.S. – and you’ll see that this is a scientific fact, not just a theoretical possibility.  We’re not talking about saving “possible humans”.  We’re talking about saving ones that are already here.

    • Ann

      So saving a child’s life is a shallow victory? 
      The more often these women “keep driving by” instead of going in, the more likely their baby is to live.

      • peach

         Yes it is shallow because you’re just making yourself feel good. What have you done to help the woman?

        • Ann

          I’m talking about the baby, not the woman.  A few moments of shame on the mother’s part is worth saving the baby’s life. 
          Or do you believe that killing someone in order to make another person’s life less stressful is okay?

    • Leetrottdvm

      It is wrong to reassure a woman that it is OK to pay someone to murder her baby.  First of all, it is NOT OK.  Secondly, she will most likely suffer emotionally after the abortion.  This will occur regardless of anything said or not said on the sidewalk.  Remorse and sadness.  This has been my own personal experience, and that of thousands of other women, as well (See SilentNoMoreAwareness.com for these video testimonies).  I now regard the three people who supported me in my “choice” as ignorant and no longer associate with them.  The ONLY right thing to do is to warn her not to go through with the abortion and to offer  real help for herself and her child. 

    • Rebecca Downs

      I think such a response is an insensitive comment to make to someone who poured out her soul in such a way. I am thankful for such a story that this author wrote and will certainly pray for her. I was sad to hear her story at times, but thankful for her for sharing her story, especially since I believe it does, and should, be a wake-up call to pro-lifers about what’s at stake here. 

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Michelle-M-Williams/1021964754 Michelle M. Williams

         Do you know what sort of insensitive comments women and even young underage girls who are contemplating abortion get from “pro lifers”? And they are dealing with their issues in the moment. The author of this piece is talking about something that happened a decade and a half ago and was even a grown woman even then.

        I feel a lot worse for the young girls and women who are being called “slut” and “murderer” today than something that happened 15-years-ago.

        • mythought

          So basically, you only care about the girls and women who make the choice you agree with?  When something happened doesn’t really matter.  This woman’s story is just as important as any other woman’s.  The point is that we should be there for women – not to call them slut or murderer – but to tell them that the truth about abortion and that they do not need to choose it.

  • Jane Hartman

    I would say “I will take your baby if you don’t want him.”

    • peach

       I hope you have a big house.

    • Sharon Rose

      And that is another reason girls and women distrust prolifers — they see them as people who will only help them if they get to take away the baby. 
      How about “I’ll help you have this child, keep this child and accomplish your goals”. That’s what girls want to hear, not “I’ll help you but only if you give me your baby afterwards”. 
      All your approach says is that she has to be pregnant and live with what that means in her life for nine months (rejection from family & friends, putting off education, career goals, etc.,) but still doesn’t have a baby at the end, as opposed to abortion, where she doesn’t have to be pregnant and the outcome is the same — no baby. 

      Making adoption the only other choice to abortion is not the answer. 

      • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thecrescat Katrina Fernandez

        I think she was just commenting on the pro-abortion war cry “Every baby a wanted baby”. Every baby is essentially a wanted baby, if not by the mother than by infertile couples looking to adopt. 

        No one is advocating adoption as the ONLY answer to abortion, just one of many alternatives. Most pro-life advocates also work with social services and organizations like Room at The Inn so they can also give advice to women seeking abortions on how to financially prepare and cope with their unexpected blessings. We, on the front lines, have the inside knowledge on where to point women who need help – information they will be denied once they cross the threshold of the abortion mill. No worker inside a “clinic” will give women information for alternatives to abortion. It’s not financially advantageous or business savvy for them to do so.     

        • Sharon Rose

          Scared, pregnant girls are not there to fill a demand created by infertile women. 
          Adoption doesn’t solve the _pregnancy_, which is scarier for most young women than the actual baby. 

          From my personal experience, not too many “crisis pregnancy centers” want to give young women information on how to keep and raise their babies while pursuing education and career goals. 
          When I was young, unmarried and pregnant, there was no abortion, and adoptions were forced. 
          It cost me everything, literally, to keep my daughter, and not one single Catholic entity would lift a finger to help unless they got my baby in return. 
          So things aren’t exactly always on the up and up on the prolife side, either. 

          Give women choices and let them make choices without manipulation and coercion. Keep people with a vested interest in the fruits of other women’s wombs away from young pregnant women. It doesn’t help. 

          • http://twitter.com/CalFreiburger Calvin Freiburger

            “From my personal experience, not too many ‘crisis pregnancy centers’
            want to give young women information on how to keep and raise their
            babies while pursuing education and career goals.”

            What crisis pregnancy centers refuse to help women keep and raise their babies? Let’s have some names, quotes, and links.

          • Sharon Rose

            Catholic Charities, back when I was pregnant. That’s who. 

            I’m speaking from personal experience…oh, wait…that only counts for women who’ve murdered their babies and now parrot pro-life rhetoric. 
            Women who DIDN’T murder their babies but who also kept them don’t get to speak from personal experience because that doesn’t play into the agenda, right?

          • http://twitter.com/CalFreiburger Calvin Freiburger

            Not to disrespect your experience, but an alleged anecdote from an anonymous Internet commenter isn’t sufficient evidence to believe that it’s a fair or honest characterization of the pro-life norm.

            And I love the new double-standard: whenever we criticize abortion as murder, we’re accused of being heartless monsters who don’t care about women. But because we remain open to women who aborted, then our critics turn around and shout AHA! as if it’s evidence of…well, something nefarious, apparently.

            Hypocrisy is pathetic.

          • Sharon Rose

            This entire combox thread is in response to an alleged anecdote from an anonymous internet persona. It’s not sufficient evidence to believe it’s a fair or honest characterization of the post-abortive state of mind (or pre-abortive, either). 

            You’re only proving my point — parrot the appropriate rhetoric, and you’re “authentically” prolife. 
            Don’t, and you’re essentially untrustworthy, your experiences don’t count, etc. 
            And yet you want frightened young women to turn to you in their time of need — to trust you with their fears?

          • http://twitter.com/CalFreiburger Calvin Freiburger

            I haven’t proven your point anywhere except within your own mind.

            I hope you get over your hatred someday.

          • 12angry_men

            This entire thread has made me feel so sad for humanity. When neither side can show love to each other…I really need to lower my expectations I guess.

          • Guest

            Yep. That’s been my experience.

          • http://twitter.com/CalFreiburger Calvin Freiburger

            What have those on Katrina’s side written that warrants your condescension?

          • 12angry_men

            Hey Calvin, I’m replying here so you can actually see it. So here goes: 
            I’m sorry Calvin, but if I have to point it out then you and I obviously have different definitions of love. Also I really don’t want to argue with you (I see how far that gets you and Oedipa haha). But I will point out one that I think we can both agree isn’t very loving or Christian: the post that she would pray for Shannon, then basically flat-out said she shouldn’t count on God’s mercy. Can’t you agree that’s more than a tad horrible?

          • http://twitter.com/CalFreiburger Calvin Freiburger

            Yes, that one crosses the line.

          • 12angry_men

            LiveAction should follow the formatting of Lifesitenews’ comment section. Haha you can actually see all the posts there.

          • Sharon Rose

            I don’t hate anyone. 

            And, yes, your blanket condemnation of all experiences that don’t jibe with your personal opinion proves my point that only those who parrot the accepted point of view are considered authentic. 

          • http://twitter.com/CalFreiburger Calvin Freiburger

            Only in your mind.

          • Sharon Rose

            No. Right here in the comboxes.You’re doing, in public, the same thing you keep insisting you’re not doing, and you’re doing it over and over again. 

          • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thecrescat Katrina Fernandez

            I doubt she can provide any proof. Her’s is a logically disconnected argument based on emotions. You can rationally debate emotions. 

          • Sharon Rose

            Your entire piece is based on your emotions, yet you now claim my experiences and my reaction to them are irrational?

            Why are your reactions to your experience more rational than mine — especially when my experiences didn’t include me killing my baby, which is truly an irrational, disconnected act. 

          • peach

             I kinda doubt this is even a true story. Or at least, I have a hard time believing she was ever pro-choice.

          • Sharon Rose

            I don’t doubt her story. I doubt her sincerity, but I don’t doubt her story. I think she was very much prochoice when it suited her. 

          • http://twitter.com/CalFreiburger Calvin Freiburger

            I can’t fathom what must have happened to make you have such a visceral, obsessive need to hate her. There are clearly intense psychological and emotional forces at work here that I hope you overcome someday.

          • Sharon Rose

            I don’t hate her, and you’re the one making visceral, obsessive, vicious comments, not me. 

          • http://twitter.com/CalFreiburger Calvin Freiburger

            Admitting is the first step to recovery.

            I hope you want to recover someday.

          • grdawg

            And who are you to doubt someone’s story?  Should we all doubt everything you say because it doesn’t ring true for us?  Let’s try and believe the best about a person who’s reaching out and sharing their story.  Every person deserves to be believed until proven wrong.  That’s the only fair approach to take.

          • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thecrescat Katrina Fernandez

            I see. Now I understand why you feel the need to attack because of what you went through. I am sorry to hear that your experience was so difficult. However, I stand by comments that abortion is murder and not in the best interest of anyone – the pregnant mother and child. 

            While your personal experience is a negative one that I am sorry you endured, the fact is pro-lifers only “agenda” is that of saving lives and souls. Most do not have a personal agenda to steal anyone’s baby. 

          • sacredcrocheter

            Dear Sharon Rose, I feel very close to you right now.  I too was a scared pregnant teenager during the time when abortion was illegal. My parents dragged me to an elderly black, back street abortionist whom I will love forever. He just looked at my middle-class white father and said kindly “it’s too late, just take her home.”  Of course my parents kept trying everything they could to find someone, but luckily, God was with me. They told me I would be kicked out of the house if I kept the baby and I had to give her up for adoption. I was sent away in secret to an un-wed mother’s home where keeping your child was NOT an option. Unlike you, I was not brave or determined. I gave up my daughter for adoption and was not even allowed to hold her. This has affected all of my relationships over the past 45 years and I never had another child. I hope you can find peace Sharon. I know how it boils up to the top every once in awhile. You followed God’s plan, be proud.

      • http://twitter.com/CalFreiburger Calvin Freiburger

        “they see them as people who will only help them if they get to take away the baby.”

        Good lord, the straw-man defamation you people keep conjuring up to feed your psychological need to dismiss pro-lifers’ motives never ceases to amaze me. Absolutely contemptible.

        • Sharon Rose

          Read it in context. 

          The point is the pregnancy itself is, in the moment, scarier than the baby. Telling a scared young girl who is terrified of the impact the pregnancy will have on her life that adoption is the answer doesn’t answer her fears at all. 

          And I experienced those motives, so don’t tell me that they don’t exist. 

          • http://twitter.com/CalFreiburger Calvin Freiburger

            The context is a single sentence that doesn’t even begin to imply the wild, malicious spin you put on it.

            I don’t know anyone who *just* says “adoption is the answer,” or who claims that alone would suffice to answer her fears. Another straw-man.

            And I didn’t say the motive doesn’t exist. I’m saying that there’s no evidence that it’s so widespread as to be a fair or honest characterization of pro-lifers generally.

          • Sharon Rose

            Except…that it’s the truth when it comes to my personal experience, and that’s what we’re dealing in here — personal experiences. 

            If you read the rhetoric of almost any prolife discussion, you’ll find that adoption is always thrown up as the answer to abortion. Always. As it was in THIS discussion. Which is why we’re discussing it. 

          • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thecrescat Katrina Fernandez

            Adoption is always brought up because it is a legitimate alternative to abortion – one of many options. No one said it was the only alternative except you. I think you might be arguing with herself here. 

          • Sharon Rose

            No, adoption is not a legitimate alternative to abortion. 
            Abortion is the termination of a pregnancy. Adoption doesn’t address the pregnancy issue. 
            Also, it is a common knee-jerk reaction to abortion. 
            I’m arguing with the person who made the original statement, not myself. 

          • http://twitter.com/CalFreiburger Calvin Freiburger

            Actually, abortion is the only alternative that’s not legitimate.

            There are three choices: (a) don’t get pregnant in the first place, (b) give birth to the child and raise him or her, or (c) give birth to the child and give him or her up for adoption.

            The option that requires one’s son or daughter to be killed cannot be considered legitimate. Murder isn’t legally or ethically tolerable just because technology can’t yet extract babies from the womb without killing them.

          • Ingrid P.

            Well, unfortunately abortion is legally tolerable right now. 

            That is an interesting concept, though. We can transfer embryos from cows and mares into surrogate cows and mares. Of course, this is before implantation takes place. But I hope that some day we do figure out artificial gestation.

          • Sharon Rose

            In this country, abortion is not murder, so when you choose that word, you are already setting hearts and minds against you. 

          • http://twitter.com/CalFreiburger Calvin Freiburger

            The law doesn’t *recognize* abortion as murder, but that doesn’t change the facts of the situation.

            Murder is unjust killing. Abortion is unjust killing. Therefore, abortion is murder.

          • Sharon Rose

            And therefore the author of this piece is a murderer. 

          • Leetrottdvm

            In this country, slavery was once legal.  It was morally wrong, so it was abolished.  Abortion(murder) is also morally wrong, and will become illegal.  How many times will you redefine your principles?

          • http://twitter.com/CalFreiburger Calvin Freiburger

            If you want people to believe your accusation applies to more pro-lifers than just a handful of individuals you dealt with, then no, personal experience isn’t enough.

            Adoption is brought up as a way to avoid being a mother without killing the baby. Which it is. Nobody claims talking about adoption alleviates every concern and fear about pregnancy.

          • Sharon Rose

            Personal anecdotes, such as the one this combox is in response to, are never evidence of anything. 

            Once again, I am addressing the comment “I would say I will take your baby if you don’t want him”. 

            Often enough — and you’re being disingenuous if you’re claiming you don’t think this is a common reaction by prolifers — that’s the reaction — the pregnant girl & her pregnancy are disregarded. She is now a commodity, or the bearer of a commodity, just like she’s a commodity to abortion clinics. 
            There’s no point in denying this — the adoption industry thrives on pregnant girls every bit as much as the abortion industry does. The mother is a non-person, the baby is a commodity, the industry (either one) has a vested interest in a certain outcome. 

          • http://twitter.com/CalFreiburger Calvin Freiburger

            First, you were not simply addressing one person. You suggested that person’s comment – or rather, your malicious false interpretation of that person’s comment – was widespread among pro-life sentiment.

            The original comment, “I will take your baby if you don’t want him,” is clearly a simple offer to raise an unwanted child. There’s simply no valid reason to seriously conclude that it means the author reduces women or their babies into mere commodities.

          • Sharon Rose

            It’s a common response, and the response I was met with exclusively. 

            The statement does indeed reduce the child to a commodity and the woman to the bearer of that commodity. 
            Why is it her _first_ response? Why is her _first_ reaction to say she’ll take the baby? How do you think that makes a pregnant, scared young girl feel? How could you even know what a pregnant, scared young girl feels?

          • http://twitter.com/CalFreiburger Calvin Freiburger

            You are reading things into that statement I don’t think many people without axes to grind would infer.

          • Sharon Rose

            You are reading things into my statement that are not there. You have an agenda, therefore you have an axe to grind. 

          • grdawg

            The mother is most definitely not a non-person.  Adoption agencies talk to the mother, usually caring deeply about her preferences for her child and her relationship with that child – open adoption, semi-open, etc. She can choose exactly the parents she wants.  She often gets all expenses paid for – even maternity clothes.  And it’s very cruel of you to call the baby a commodity.  Adoptive parents put out a whole lot of money, time, and effort to welcome a baby into their family that they usually have dreamed for years about having.  Adopted babies are anything but commodities.  They are wanted, loved, and deeply cared about.  Adoption is all about life and choices and love.  Abortion on the other hand is indeed about money and death.  That’s the only industry here.

      • grdawg

        Well, that’s a wrong perception of pro-lifers.  There are pro-life organizations specifically designed to help people parent their own child if that’s what they want.  Plenty of pregnancy centers offer resources–financial, classes, support, and more.  For instance, look at these organizations:  http://coloradofamilylife.org/ and http://www.tmcint.org/.

  • Pingback: Sometimes you just want to hear someone say, “You don’t have to do this.”

  • Carolinepilgrim03

    Thank you for sharing & for your exhortation to keep praying.  I am guilty of “skipping” praying at my Virginia Planned Parenthood and I’m sorry.  My God is a big God and he will use little things for His Big Plans.  May God heal, restore, and work miracles!

  • Claus Feyling

    My whole marriage was kind of messed ip partly because of an abortion that my wife had – my girlfriend at the time – when I was in the army. It was the “wrong moment” in all respects, none of us had an income, studying had not been started yet, we were bound th have nice carreers and there was no place for a baby in that picture. I was hardly mature enough for anything, but I needed my girlfriend and she needed me. She hpoed that her parents, me, someone, should tell her that she didn’t have to do it, but no-one told her. I was convinced at the time that abortion was the right thin. My sister had a “happy abortion” a few years earlier, so I did not understand that it could be felt another way. But it sure could. I was not granted a leave for the weekend because I was freshly enrolled at the military camp. I I were a man, I would have fled by the window and taken my toll afterwards on returning after the abortion. I should have stayed at her side. Maybe we would have ended up having that baby then, I don’t know. She always felt I was pressured by my parents and my sister – I really don’t know, I shared theri opinions at the time.

    I’ll never know what life would have been had we shosen otherwise. Now we’re divorced since five years, her capacity of self-loving or self-esteem did noever evlove as it should, and she has been many times unhappy. There are sure more sides to it than this abortion, but still – it probably should not have happened. My parents should have been wiser, my sister should have been less pushy, my girlfriends parents should have been wiser.

    So let us who have survived this try to be wiser and show more love to our kids.

    But the story repeats… I learned one month ago that my eldest daughter had an abortion in April this year, being with her “impossible love” boyfriend in Bali. Several issues in their relationship made her realize that the baby would not end up in a happy marriage, but she is not at terms with this abortion. She wanted the baby to grow up, and her name – if it was a girl – would have been Melody.

    Be wise, talk to your children, hug them an show them you care, and be there when they need you.

    C

    • sacredcrocheter

      Your story is so touching. I got pregnant when I was young and abortion was illegal then. My father forced me to go to a backroom abortionist but miraculously the doctor would not perform the abortion because he said it was too late. I was then taken to a clinic where I was given injections that were supposed to make me lose the baby but once again-they didn’t work. Then I was shipped off to an unwed mothers home where everyone had to use fake names to keep their identity secret, My parents told everyone I was away at a new school.
      I had to give the baby away or I would have been kicked out of my house. I had no resources and I didn’t want to marry the father so I gave my baby up for adoption. They wouldn’t allow me to hold her or even see her when she was born.
      The whole experience affected me so negatively that I was never able to have a good relationship with anyone afterwards. I was in two very bad marriages and never felt that I deserved to have another child. I’m now 66 years old with no children and alone. The only good thing to come out of it was that I had the baby rather than having an abortion but I feel like I had an abortion in a way beacuse I gave up my daughter without even holding her once.
      You are so right about loving your children-if I had felt any love at all from my parents I don’t think I would have had sex before marriage. I just wanted to feel loved.

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