Opinion

The biggest road block pro-lifers face

For nearly forty years, pro-lifers have fought the infamous legality of abortion in our nation. We have seen victories and failures, progress and setbacks.  We have seen more strides made in this movement in the last two years than we’ve ever seen in the past.

We are our own road block.

So what is it that has been holding us back from saving these unborn children from being legally killed at their most vulnerable stage of life?

If we want to change the hearts of pro-choicers, we must first change the hearts of pro-lifers. We are our own biggest road block.

Now, the following cannot be said for all or even most pro-life activists. However, I can tell you that all of the following applied to me at some point in my life, and I see it on a daily basis from others in the movement. This comes from personal experience.

Using inflammatory language.

Discussion leads to education, and education leads to ending abortion. But if we’re caught up in name-calling, how can we expect to even have a discussion?

Calling an abortion clinic an “abortuary” or a “murder mill” isn’t going to exactly entice a pro-choice advocate to listen to you when you want to discuss the reality of abortion. Even worse, calling them “pro-death” or “anti-life” will be taken as a personal threat and will shut them away from you completely.

Think about it: when you get called “anti-choice” or “anti-woman,” does it really make you feel like having a rational talk with someone about a heated topic?

Terms  like these do nothing to educate others. Their sole purpose is to anger, nothing more.

Hating clinic workers.

I used to see abortion clinic workers as greedy, money-hungry people who enjoyed killing babies. I know that that mindset is not unique, either, and unfortunately, it still runs rampant. Abortion clinic workers are not the enemy. They begin working at these clinics because they have every intention of helping women in need. Perhaps they have had an abortion, or know someone who has, and believe that they are obligated to protect that right for other women, too. Maybe they just needed a job and there happened to be an opening at the clinic, so they took it, unaware of what it truly entailed. Whatever their reasoning is for entering the abortion industry, it is not founded on greed.

Abby Johnson, former Planned Parenthood abortion clinic director

When we stand outside a clinic and scream “murderer” or “baby-killer,” we have absolutely no chance of helping clinic workers transition out of the industry. Consider this: what if former Planned Parenthood abortion clinic director Abby Johnson faced nothing but condemnation and judgment day in and day out during the eight years she worked with Planned Parenthood? When she had a conversion after witnessing an abortion on an ultrasound, she turned to the local Coalition for Life for help. Why? On a near-daily basis, they stood outside the clinic she managed, greeting her with a smile and being warm towards her. If they had not, Abby would currently be the COO of the largest abortion clinic in this nation – Planned Parenthood of Houston, a late-term abortion center.

In the very near future, Abby will be officially starting a non-profit ministry for former abortion clinic workers.  “And Then There Were None” will offer emotional, financial, spiritual, and legal assistance to those desiring to leave Planned Parenthood and the abortion industry. If all they had to turn to was a group of people who hate them, how could we ever expect them to have a change of heart and leave?

Since 40 Days for Life began in 2007, we know of sixty-nine abortion clinic workers who have left their jobs because people were outside praying for them and reaching out to them with kindness and compassion. What if 40 Days for Life was rooted not in prayer and fasting, but rather screaming and picketing? Clinic workers would stay put, and those 5,900 babies that have been saved would not be alive today.

(Note: I strongly recommend reading Abby’s book UnPlanned for an honest inside look into the mindset of abortion clinic workers.)

Fighting amongst ourselves.

Infighting among fellow pro-lifers is sometimes caused by differences in political opinion, but more often it is caused by differences of religious beliefs. Ridiculous rifts between Catholics and Protestants, believers and non-believers, are a detriment to the cause and do nothing but cause division among pro-lifers.

When 40 Days for Life was founded, the face of the movement changed because it brought Christians of all different denominations together in a peaceful and prayerful way. Groups like Secular Pro-Life (you can find them on Facebook) consist of people “from atheists to Zoroastrians” and bring together pro-lifers of all faiths, or none at all. This is what true pro-life unity is all about.

It’s perfectly fine to be motivated by your faith to put an end to abortion, but when it causes division, it’s time to take a step back and figure out how to get along.

Judging abortion-minded women.

I wrote a blog about this last year. Let’s be honest: some people who call themselves pro-life are just plain cruel. And yes, I used to be guilty in this aspect.

Imagine you are a young woman going to get an abortion. You just lost your job, and upon discovering your pregnancy, your boyfriend threatened to kick you out of his apartment if you didn’t “take care of it.” You’re terrified, and abortion seems like the only solution. Tell me, will hearing a group of people yell “you’re going to hell!” or “murderer!” at you across a parking lot make you want to listen to them? Or would it make you feel like you’d be safer inside the abortion clinic?

When we encounter an abortion-minded woman, whether outside an abortion clinic or anywhere else, first and foremost, we cannot jump to judge her. We have to listen to these women, we have to show compassion, and we have to offer alternatives. Remember, every woman who is contemplating abortion is someone’s daughter. She is that baby’s mother. They are aunts, they are nieces, they are sisters, and they are friends. If someone you cared about was in a crisis pregnancy, how would you want her to be treated? Think about it.

Condemning post-abortive women.

Post-abortive women have some of the most powerful testimonies in favor of life that we could ever imagine. They know firsthand how abortion tears families apart, how a simple “choice” lingers with you the rest of your life. Ask women like former Planned Parenthood director Abby Johnson, or women like my friend Jewels Green, or any of the men and women who speak up from Silent No More Awareness or Rachel’s Vineyard about trying to find healing after an abortion. It’s traumatic. It’s often repressed.

I used to be one of those pro-lifers who despised post-abortive women, outwardly. I thought they were selfish and lazy. But I’ve learned that if these women heard nothing but the things I used to say, there would be no hope of their finding healing or coming forth with their stories in hopes other women won’t make the lethal mistakes they did.

Post-abortive women are human beings, and they need to be treated like it. Their testimonies can save other women from a lifetime of regret and can save babies’ lives.

Staying silent.

“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” -Edmund Burke

If you are only silently pro-life, you are abetting the legal onslaught of the unborn. Regardless of your age, there are so many things you can do to put an end to abortion. Be a voice for those who do not yet have one. Be active in your convictions. The lives of the most vulnerable among us depend on your activism.

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  • Matthias

    Thanks a lot for this article. 

  • MoonChild02

    Excellent article Jennie! I agree heartily with all of the above! 

  • Melody

    At the risk of stirring up controversy, I think i would add one more item to this list: inappropriately using graphic images of abortions. I definitely think they have an important place, but when they are used indiscriminately sometimes they turn people off to the movement more than anything.

    • Jordan Elizabeth

      Yes!!

    • http://twitter.com/Jennie_Stone Jennie Stone

      I wholeheartedly agree.  There is an issue of pride among pro-lifers… so many believe that “their way” of ending abortion is the only way (often with using graphic images).  We all have our strengths and we need to work together with them if we want to end this atrocity.

    • Karen

      I have written articles for both sides here. I agree that the graphic images, when used aggressively, are definitely a turn-off and repulse people. They can stereotype the entire movement and make us all appear like the thing we are trying to end – violent and unfeeling. I always prefer to show the beautiful newborn baby to make my point. However, I have talked with people like Monica Miller and Randal Terry who have traveled this road and back. They say that every case of civil rights injustices have been won when people were confronted with the ghastly images of its victims. They say that during sidewalk counseling, hearts are changed this way. I can’t argue with them. Have to admit that the pictures have a place but should be used properly.

      • Dolce

         I think rather than “pictures having a place and used properly” what we really should focus on is not JUST using pictures to make our point. We should be using pictures though – aggressively and in an in-your-face way. No one is going to hear us if we don’t make it inconvenient and controversial for them – people are drawn to controversy, and if we’re meek and quiet we are easy to ignore as a whole. I also believe we disrespect the victims when we put effort into hiding them. BUT we also have to JUST AS AGGRESSIVELY push other avenues of ending abortion – things like pregnancy care centres, adoption, personhood, and advocating for mothers’ and children’s rights (ala Feminists for Life). I think that if people see what abortion is, and then also see that it doesn’t have to be “necessary”, then we’ll be a lot closer to changing our culture. :)

        That being said, I do generally agree with most of your points here!

        (btw, I rarely use abortion images myself simply because I bawl my eyes out when I see them – so I do understand why people think they are inappropriate, but it is not right for us to argue amongst ourselves over their usefulness, or to try to censor the appearance of these images in the public sphere. All avenues for ending abortion and getting the word out should be used – some of us are just more well-suited to one way vs. another)

    • Anadrs23

      Then kids shouldn’t be shown millions of piled skeleton bones from the Holocaust, pictures of blacks  hanging from tress and scars from being whipped, and in chains being tortured, or any other graphic image detailing the reality of EVIL… (all of aforementioned images I viewed in history classes when I was younger- try 7th grade)

  • Jordan Elizabeth

    Wow, this is great. But And Then There Were None sounds so… ominous. Like, I understand the idea, but have you read the book? Someone dragged a bunch of people together who were responsible for a death and killed them. To me, it sounds like, “And then we annhilated all the clinic workers. Because they are evil.”

  • http://twitter.com/MarauderTheSN Marauder

    Major applause, thumbs-up, and stars for this post. I’ve run across way too many pro-lifers who seem to spend their time metaphorically shooting themselves in the foot over and over again by derailing into whether evangelical preachers or the Pope have the better understanding of true Christianity, calling women who have had abortions selfish murderers, refusing to understand that people can be pro-life for non-religious reasons, throwing Bible verses back and forth at each other, trying to establish an intrinsic connection between pro-choice views and views on GLBT rights, talking about “deathscorts” and “abortion mills” and “abortuaries” (which sounds like a zealot’s rebranding of what everyone else calls “abortion clinic escorts” and “abortion clinics” or “abortion facilities”), calling other people stupid or evil…at this point, the metaphorical foot has each toe shot off and the rest of the foot covered in more holes than Swiss cheese.

    Pro-lifers also spend too much time arguing over each other’s differences and not enough time actively working towards their goals. It’s kind of like the Council of Elrond scene in “Lord of the Rings” – Gimli doesn’t like Legolas because Gimili’s a dwarf and Legolas is an elf! Boromir doesn’t like Aragorn because Aragorn is supposed to be the true king of Gondor and Boromir doesn’t think Gondor needs a king! Enough already, let’s just put that aside for the moment and focus on getting the dang ring to Mordor.

    • Kristiburtonbrown

      Lol, good analogy to Lord of the Rings.  Love it!  I completely agree that the pro-life movement often bites itself in the tail by infighting, division, and competitiveness.  Does it really matter who ends abortion or exactly what strategy is used (as long as it’s a moral one, of course)?  No, what matters is that abortion is one day viewed as the evil it is and that it ends in our nation – just like slavery.  We must make abortion that unthinkable.  And we need to work together to get it done.

  • http://twitter.com/MarauderTheSN Marauder

    Minor point: I think we ought to ditch the term “abortion-minded woman.” I don’t think it’s something that women considering abortion would call themselves, and it sounds like a labeling of a person instead of a situation, “Women considering abortion” or “women seeking abortions” sounds more like we’re talking about people, not some type of foreign species.

  • http://twitter.com/CalFreiburger Calvin Freiburger

    I heartily agree with most of what you wrote. But I think a few words need to be said about inflammatory rhetoric.

    You’re right that pro-lifers should be careful not to needlessly alienate people or hurt well-intentioned women who are in difficult situations or who’ve been misled. Even with professional abortion advocates, it’s often a good idea to give civility a chance.

    However, at the end of the day I just don’t think there’s any getting around the fact that we’re fighting an evil cause championed by evil people. (True, redemption is possible and some badly mistaken non-evil individuals are mixed in, but evil is what it is.) And an essential component of fighting evil is calling it what it is.

    Man isn’t a purely rational creature, and society isn’t governed by reasoned argument. It’s also governed by emotional stimuli. Good values are encouraged through praise and reward and evil values are discouraged through shame and stigma.

    It must become personally uncomfortable for people to declare “I am pro-choice.” People must come to associate abortion support with the same fear and disgust that we associate all other crime and prejudice. Advocating abortion must become known as a sure-fire way to lose respect. (Why isn’t the pro-racism position commonly argued these days? It’s not because it’s calmly refuted whenever it pops up.)

    Also, I’m a big believer in the idea that one of the main problems with
    debate in this country is that we don’t directly call out bad motives
    and dishonesty. Too often we give the intentions of bad actors the
    benefit of the doubt beyond all plausibility.

    That constitutes tacit permission to keep lying and smearing, because
    they know they can get away with it. The result? More misinformed
    Americans, slandered conservatives and pro-lifers, and a more crass,
    mean-spirited public discourse than would be the case if we’d just put
    our foot down. And the babies keep dying.

    • Kristiburtonbrown

      Calvin, I would agree with a lot of the points you make.  I think the words we use to describe abortion should indeed make people uncomfortable.  Abortion is not an unfeeling, easy, every-day medical procedure.  It’s a legal murder, plain and simple.  Perhaps, though, pro-lifers should give a lot of thought to when and where we use certain words.  I have heard of babies saved outside of clinics where pro-lifers are talking about murder and holding graphic signs, so I’m not going to claim to know the best strategy there.  However, like Jennie said, pro-lifers outside of clinics might save more lives if they exuded compassion and “approachableness.”  I’m not sure that anyone knows for sure who saves more lives, so I feel that the main point is that pro-lifers are there outside of the clinics and are offering help and alternatives to the women.  That said, I agree with you that we need to stick to the actual truth and talk about the horrors of abortion – especially in the public arena and the media.  If we sugarcoat our words and only focus on love and compassion, we lose the power of illustrating a great horror.  We must call out bad motives and dishonesty, though perhaps it would do us good to focus more on calling actions and abortion itself “evil” vs. the people themselves.

    • http://twitter.com/MarauderTheSN Marauder

      While there are several pro-choicers I think are truly evil – Peter Singer comes to mind – I think the majority are just ignorant, willfully ignorant, or have managed to convince themselves that abortion is the lesser of two evils. It’s a particular quirk of human nature that a lot of people hate, hate, HATE to find out they’re wrong, and hate admitting it to other people even more.

      My fiance, who I love like absolute craziness, tends to internalize his mistakes as saying something significant about him and his worth as a person. Every once in a while when he’s had a bad day, he gets vehement when I point out to him that he’s wrong on some point or fact that really isn’t that big of a deal. (Example: whether Lewis Carroll wrote “Jabberwocky.”) When he’s confronted with being wrong, it leads him to beat up on himself psychologically – and that’s on dumb stuff like who wrote a poem, not important stuff like whether abortion is the killing of human beings.

      Modern society is not a place where it’s easy to admit you were wrong about something. Everybody seems to love watching politicians and celebrities screw up. Abortion is a big, big thing to realize you were wrong about, and if most people around you are pro-choice, it’s easy to keep yourself in their mentality. Who really wants to admit that they’ve done something seriously morally wrong, something they can’t undo? Who wants to admit that to a group of people they’ve viewed as the opposition?

  • Karen Dudek

    Great job Jennie! And last but not least, staying silent is the grandest obstacle!

  • Joe

    Thanks Jennie for a great article.  Seems like your article is the difference between ‘adhering to the law’ and ‘a new creation of your heart’….if you know what i mean.  ; )

  • http://www.kimketola.com/ Kimberlyketola

    Jennie, Thank you for this–especially for acknowledging the post-abortive women who are sometimes re-wounded by pro-life rhetoric. When these women, like me, are won by love we become powerful defenders of life who speak with authority about the full reality of abortion. I hope everyone will read this and take it to heart! Love it.

  • Kim

    Also–as to graphic images and even as to political debate which isn’t really mentioned here, I think that if God is calling you to it then, and only then, you should do it. The caution is that you need to constantly be taking your own emotional pulse because certain ways of engaging are provocative. It takes a very strong spirit to meet the angry response to your provocation with love and with winning words.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001180485338 Lee Hempfling

    excellent opinion piece! in the mean time… within the next two years there will be definitive proof of what life is and therefore when it begins… it will have to go through courts but when life is finally defined abortion will stop.. legally at least

  • Daniel

    I agree with the above article. There is a tendency to get frustrated with the reality of abortion and get desperate in our attempt to stop it. Watch 180movie.com to see a great way to open the eyes of “pro-choicers” to this reality.

  • Oldmanbob

    We need to remember who we are talking to and who we are talking about.  We had been made int very image of God.  To insult anyone, no matter how evil they seem is to insult God Himself.  We have no right or calling to lable anyone ever, that belongs to God and God alone.

    No ones heart is ever changed hearing themselves being called names.  That is just the way it is.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1222804933 Chen Erick

    Check these out & join in on the debate and advocacy, God bless.
    http://www.ruck.us/ruck/117 
    http://www.ruck.us/ruck/86 
    http://www.ruck.us/ruck/85 

  • Nadia

    Just a thought about post-abortive women: “Why would we ever condemn them, when we were the ones who failed her? We weren’t there for her when she needed us most. We failed every women who aborted, and we failed their kids”. This is what a director of a crisis pregnancy center explained to me. Just food for thought.

  • Guest

    That Pro-Life Rocks website is truly a thing of beauty.  Thanks for the link.

    Next to the Constitution, the greatest protection that the US has against the establishment of a Christian theocracy is that sooner or later, Christians always turn on each other.  They can’t help themselves.

  • Kathy L

    In my personal experience, I have found that I can reach “pro-choice” people by educating them–by telling them the facts about the biology of a fetus, and the viability of the unborn child. There is such a thick veil over their eyes, they often don’t have clarity on their own beliefs. When they can realize they are first and foremost not being attacked for their beliefs and the discussion takes on an educated stance, it is more likely to cause the person to rethink the truth. But a caveat–you better know your facts and be ready to answer some tough questions. Answer with a heart of concern for the person, not with a condescending, harsh tone. Talk only as much as the person will hear, (somewhat similar, if you will, to answering the questions of a child asking where babies come from!) Don’t engage on the level of how you feel about the issue–just stick to the facts. The emotional piece can be saved for discussions with other pro-life friends. If those you’re speaking to begin to become agitated and hostile, the conversation is, for all intents and purposes, over.

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