A panel from one of Garry Trudeau's recent "Doonesbury" comic strips.

I don’t know about all of you, but ever since the Sonogram Law was put into effect here in Texas, I’ve been breathlessly waiting to hear what “Doonesbury” comic strip author Garry Trudeau has to say about it. It seems my long wait is finally over.

I was shocked to find that Trudeau is against the law, calling it “lunacy.” Really? You mean the guy who “fell for a report by the fictional ‘Lovenstein Institute‘ that stated that President George W. Bush had the lowest IQ (91) of any president in the past 50 years, and that former president Bill Clinton’s IQ was exactly twice that of Bush?” [Source: Wikipedia.]

But that guy seems so so intelligent and even-handed!

Anyway, yeah, Trudeau is all over the big mean sonogram law, prompting some of the few papers who haven’t moved ”Doonesbury” from the comics to the op-ed page to start doing so.

But let’s give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he’s treating the subject with thoughtfulness and honesty.

Or, you know, not. From The Washington Post:

The comic strips feature a woman who goes to an abortion clinic and is confronted by several people who suggest she should be ashamed. Among them is a doctor who reads a script on behalf of Texas Gov. Rick Perry welcoming her to a “compulsory transvaginal exam,” and a middle-aged legislator who calls her a “slut.”

One panel equates the invasive procedure to rape and describes the device used to perform it as a “10-inch shaming wand.”

I hate to get all up in Trudeau’s face with annoying logic, but a woman who is really squeamish about having things put in her vagina should probably avoid the abortion clinic altogether, because a transvaginal probe is the most pleasant thing that’s going to happen to her lady parts in that building.

A woman who chooses an abortion is going to have a procedure that will involve using a laminaria stick or other equally invasive measures to dilate her cervix, after which a curette or a vacuum will be inserted so her fetus can be scraped or sucked out of her, or dismembered, then scraped or sucked out of her.

Well, that sounds like fun! Compared to that horrible, rapey ultrasound probe, all that dilation and suction and scraping sounds like a long, warm shampoo!

Give me a little bit of a break. As a woman, I am sick unto death of so-called feminists and women’s right activists turning women into victims, from Sandra Fluke whining that we need our big Catholic daddies to give us free birth control, to all the emotive horse crap about the vaginal ultrasound.

Don’t freak out and call CNN, but women who go to have abortions are going to have things put in their vaginas.

My favorite part of this whole uproar is Dr. Curtis Boyd, Dallas late-term abortionist extraordinaire, all over the press in the past week or so acting extremely upset about the shaming, harmful effects of the transvaginal probe.

This guy commits abortions, right here in my city, up to 24 weeks gestation. Think maybe he has an ulterior motive for not wanting his patients to see a sonogram image of their babies? Think it might be difficult to convince a woman “it’s not really a baby” when the “blob of tissue” is yawning and sucking its thumb?

Sorry, Boyd, but the simple fact that you make truckloads of money because you’re one of the monsters who doesn’t mind aborting viable babies disqualifies you from getting to weep about poor exploited women. What you do to women is the most exploitative, disgusting thing that’s ever been done to us. You use your instruments of death to invade our bodies and rip life out of our wombs for money. I’ll take a vaginal ultrasound every day of the week and twice on Sunday over what Boyd the murdering “doctor” does to women.

But of course this debate wouldn’t be anything without the celebrity-gossiping, Republican-hating, foul-mouthed fauxminists over at Jezebel chiming in. They call Curtis Boyd “incomparable” and the transvaginal ultrasound “pervy.” (What is the curette or the vacuum tube then? Scrapey? Suctiony? Murdery?)

I don’t really expect relevant input from a magazine featuring, all on the same day, the following headlines: “In Defense of Sluts,” “Guys Answer Hard Questions About Soft D***s,” and “What Type of Nipple Are You?” Hard-hitting stuff, ladies. Keep it comin’.

Meanwhile, let’s maybe give women the benefit of the doubt. I’m gonna go out on a limb and say they probably know that, considering how the baby was made, an abortion is going to be a vaginally invasive procedure. In fact, so is birth. So if you’re super squeamish about strangers visiting that area, maybe keep everyone away from that area in the first place. Just a thought.

Let’s stop pretending like women are the victims of the Sonogram Law. Women are the victims of abortion, and so are their children. The Sonogram Law uses a simple, painless, harmless medical procedure to provide a woman with information about her pregnancy, so she cannot be lied to by abortionists about what her fetus truly is: a human child. Not the “products of conception,” not a “clump of cells.”

The truth is: the fauxminists and the anti-lifers are scared that women will see a child on that ultrasound screen, and decide not to kill it. The abortionists and their multi-billion dollar industry are scared of losing money. No one is really scared that a woman who comes in for an abortion is going to interpret a vaginal probe as rape, and a curette and vacuum tube as gentle ministrations.

This is all false. It’s false indignation about a false offense. The Sonogram Law is a wonderful, life-saving, informative, pro-woman informed consent law, and I’m proud we have it in Texas.

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Kristen Walker makes people mad on the Internet and sometimes tweets.

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